All Dressed Up

January 12, 1977 -

Erica - there are no words that can express the love I feel for you. How proud I was when you cut your first tooth and took your first steps. You are a beautiful baby and you are very alert and active - you make my days full. Years from now you’ll think all of the things you did were silly and your mom’s silly for being so sentimental. Only the birth of your baby will make you understand the way your mother feels now.

May 11, 2008 -

Mom - You were absolutely right. I had no idea how much you loved me until my own daughter was born. I gushed over her first tooth and her first steps and you weren’t there to see it. I wish you could see your granddaughter. She’s a little spitfire just like I was. She plays “stinky feet” and likes to pull up people’s shirts to find their belly buttons. I can imagine you watching her and telling me how I did the very same things when I was her age.

I miss you so much, mom. When the person who loves you most in the whole world is gone, there’s a void that can never be filled. I know that you’re with our Heavenly Father and have no earthly concerns, but I do hope you’re allowed to peek in on us every now and then. I hope you’re proud of the woman I became and the mother that I am. I hope you know that I think you were a wonderful mother and I always felt loved.

I will tell Maddie stories about you and show her your picture and your legacy will live on. You’ll never really be gone, mom. Not in my heart.

I love you as big as the sky the last number of times.

Erica

Announcing the first ever All Dressed Up contest! I know! It’s very exciting, isn’t it?

The prize is Season Six of 24 on DVD. Brand-new, unopened and resplendent in all it’s Keifer Sutherland glory.

All you have to do to win is leave a comment on this post before Midnight CDT on May 12th. I’ll randomly select a winner and email you the glad tidings. (So, that means make sure to leave your email address in the comment if it’s not normally listed.)

In case it’s not patently obvious: If you enter, there is a chance that you’re going to win and have to give me your personal info. I hereby solemnly swear not to use that information for evil.

Have a great weekend!

Gerald and I have a good friend who’s one of the finalists in the America’s Favorite Mom contest. She was on the Today’s Show and everything this morning.

Do me a favor? Please take a few minutes and go vote for my friend Gwen Beauchamp, ok? You can vote up to 10 times today. She really deserves this and I’d love to see her win. Thanks!

* I failed the driving portion of the driver’s license exam the first time I took it. I ran a stop sign. In my defense, though, it was totally hidden by a willow tree and I’m pretty sure the jackass instructor took kids on that street on purpose. We moved from Ohio to Missouri right after that and I passed with 100% in St. Louis. Ironically, St. Louis has more stop signs per square mile than any other city in the U.S.

* I am currently reading four books at the same time. Well, not at the SAME TIME, but rather, concurrently. They are:
Marley & Me by John Grogan
Sleep No More by Greg Iles
Son of a Witch (sort of a sequel to Wicked) by Gregory Maguire
Real Vampires Have Curves by Gerry Bartlett

* I have very small hands and feet for someone of my build. In the winter, I actually have to wear either those cheap-ass stretchy gloves or kids’ gloves. I wear a size 6 shoe.

* My birthday cake is always German Chocolate with Coconut Pecan icing. Coincidentally, this is also Gerald’s birthday cake.

* I hate tomatoes.

* If humans had keyboards on their bodies, my caps lock would be on ALL THE TIME. I live in all caps.

* I am still shocked at the fact that I am someone’s mother. The other day, I was cutting up two cantaloupes for Gerald and Maddie (Bonus fact: I hate cantaloupe, too.) and I thought to myself, “GAH! Why am I having to do this? I don’t even like this damn fruit! Isn’t this someone else’s job? MY MOM always did it.” Then it hit me: I am the mom. Crapspackle.

* When I was a little girl, I wanted to grow up to be two things: A Solid Gold Dancer and a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader.

* My sophomore year of high school, I fell out of the car on the way into the Homecoming dance. I was with my best friend Andie, her date and my boyfriend. I fell right out of the car in front of EVERYONE. I had bruises on both shins from knees to ankles. (I landed shins first on the curb.) It is officially The Most Embarrassing Event of my teenage years.

* I once smoked a joint with the boyfriend mentioned above in a park in Cleveland. It was near dusk and we laid in the grass and looked up at the sky watching the stars come out. We were so still and quiet that a bunch of deer surrounded us in the grass. All of the sudden I started laughing and yelled, “DUDE! I CAN HEAR THEM EATING!!” I then dissolved into hysterical laughter at the sound of deer chewing. The only other time I’ve been high, I got stuck in my washing machine. Because doing laundry seemed very important to me at the time.

I had my fifth visit with my doctor on Monday. That means I only have one month to go before I can be approved for the bypass. I asked the insurance coordinator how long that process takes and she says it’s typically a month. That means I could realistically be having the surgery right around the 4th of July.

Wow.

I get a lot of “are you excited?” type questions. The answer is “yes, but…” I’m excited about having the surgery and not the least bit nervous yet. However, I am terrified that our insurance company won’t approve it. I’ll have done six months worth of work and spent over $500 on their requirements only to have them tell me “no.” I’m also scared about that “no” because then what will I do? I really do consider this my last best hope.

So, I’m trying not to get too excited. I’m hoping it will be less devastating that way if I get the big N-O. But secretly, just between you and me? I’m so excited I can’t stand it. I’m going to be thin! And active! And cute! And be able to buy clothes WHERE EVER I WANT TO! And Maddie won’t ever remember that I was fat. I’m so very excited… but let’s keep that just between us, k?

One minute, she’s so cute that I think my heart may just explode in my chest. She makes me laugh with wild abandon and she makes me so glad to be right there in the moment with her.

The next minute, she’s a whiny, tantrumy mess and I cannot wait to get away from her for five minutes. I wonder what the hell I was thinking when I decided having a kid was a great idea.

On and on it goes. Every day, every week, every month. I know this is how it will be for the rest of my life and at the end of the day, I’m supremely glad for it. Although, it does make me wish that my mom was still alive so that I can apologize to her from the bottom of my heart. I had NO IDEA.

I was at Hobby Lobby last week, just sort of browsing around, and I found the cutest letters on sale for 50% off. I got those, some paint and some little wooden doodads and hauled ass to get home.

Here’s what I made:

Yeah, I forgot to take a picture before I started painting, because I was all excited and in a hurry. So, I took a picture of the back of the letter. You can see they were originally white and they have cool little slots that allow them to be hung with pushpins.

Here they are, all painted. And yes, that is a Christmas tablecloth.

Here they are with the wooden doodads placed before I glued them on.

This is the finished project, hung on Maddie’s wall. She loves it and asks to touch the letters every night before bed. I think I’m going to make them as baby shower gifts for friends. You know, to go along with all the practical stuff I give, like burp cloths and butt paste.

Dear The Children’s Place,

While I deeply appreciate you remembering my birthday, I’m unsure how your gift of 20% my next purchase will benefit me. Are you implying that the perfect way to celebrate my upcoming birthday is to buy tiny clothes for myself? Funny, but I didn’t add “size 18 month jeans” to my birthday gift idea list this year.

I guess it’s the thought that counts, huh?

Love,
Erica

(Hey, if you want the coupon, email me. I’ll totally give it to you. Cuz I’m cool like that. It’s erica @ andnoplacetogo dot com)

Baby Mama = great!

Iron Man =  SuperGreatAwesome!

* Tonight, I’m going on a date with Tessie. We’re going to see Baby Mama and consume a very lot of alcohol… at least I will be. I’m very excited for two reasons: 1. No tantrumy baby! 2. Tessie! The only thing that could make it more exciting is if Swistle was joining us. I’ll be bringing my camera to get photographic evidence of our date for you. (Tessie, that means you’d better look extra cute since the internets will see you.)

* My new haircut is a rerun. I wore it this way when Gerald and I met in 2004. I guess this one is my haircut.

* I think I was a beautiful bride. I had my bridal portraits taken in the Botanic Gardens in Fort Worth and they are the best photos of me EVER. They are proudly displayed in our living room and entry way.

* As I get older, I look more and more like my mother. It’s bittersweet to look at pictures of myself and see shadows of her face looking back at me.

* I have always liked my teeth. I’ve never had any kind of orthodontia and my teeth are nice and straight and even.

* When I was little, I hated my freckles. I used to be so jealous of my mom being able to cover hers with make-up. I even tried to bleach them off with lemon juice… I have no idea who told me that would work. Anyhow, now, I love my freckles. I never cover them with make-up. I use an SPF 15 moisturizer nowadays and my freckles aren’t as prominent. Kinda makes me sad.

* Gerald and I are one of those sappy couples who are best friends and soul mates. I can’t imagine anyone else being as perfect for me as he is. Sure, there are things about him that annoy the bejebus out of me, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

* My dream car is a 1990 Jeep Grand Wagoneer. Cream woody. (Geez, people! Who knew you were all so excitable? By “cream woody,” I mean a cream-colored Wagoneer with wood paneling. Back in the day of wood paneling those cars were called “woodys.” So all you creepy Google searchers can just move right along to the next site on your list.)

* I barely passed high school. I was one of those gifted students who was too lazy to do any homework. The only reason I passed my classes is because I’m an excellent test-taker. I can remember things that I hear, so it was easy to ace tests without having done homework. Except in math. I failed Algebra II in high school TWICE and ONCE again in college. I finally got my act together my sophomore year and passed with a B+. I wish I had the opportunity to go back a go through high school again. I’d do so many things differently. Then again, I wouldn’t go through high school again if you paid me. Catch-22.

* I still hope for money in birthday cards.