1. Operation: No More Babies. I had the Essure procedure done on 12/22. The procedure itself was a cake walk. Two hours before, I had to take a Zofran and a Valium. At the appointment, I had to take off my pants and lay down. The end. Seriously, there was nothing to it. I had IV sedation and the procedure was done in a room at my doctor’s office. I woke up 45 minutes later and went home 10 minutes after that. No side effects, no problems whatsoever. In three months I’ll go back for an HSG test to confirm whether or not the ol’ tubes are blocked and then that’s it. Done and done. If you’re thinking about permanent measures of birth control, I can recommend Essure at this point. I’ll report again in three months, of course.

(An aside: I shared this on twitter, but here it is for you, in case you don’t follow me. You really should, you know. Anyhow, the co-director of Maddie’s preschool is the one who told me about Essure when she had it done seven months ago. When the kids went back to school after Christmas break, several teachers asked me if I’d talked to Stephanie yet. I hadn’t, and got Nervous Tummy about it. What in the world could she have to talk to me about that warranted this? Was I in trouble? OMG, I was getting sent to the preschool principal’s office! What she had to tell me was that she was pregnant. Apparently, her insurance company didn’t cover the HSG test after the Essure procedure, so she didn’t have it done. Her doctor said it was no problem, because she’d never heard of it not working. HA HA. She is now pregnant with their SIXTH child. Apparently, one of her fallopian tubes didn’t close all the way and her determined little egg made it’s way through to the Promised Land. After confirming that it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy, all was declared well and she’s nine weeks along. So, her stupid insurance company that wouldn’t cover the HSG test is now going to have to pay for another pregnancy, birth and subsequent hysterectomy. She has a family history of ovarian cancer, so they’ve decided to just clean out her lady parts altogether. BUT!!! Don’t let this put you off the Essure business. It really is like one in a million that this happened.)

2. I had to go on birth control pills for these three months while the Essure does its magic and I had quite the adverse reaction to them. So, I took them for a week, freaked out, stopped them and got my period a week later. That’s a lot of hormones over the course of two weeks. I have not been the most pleasant person to be around.

3. It’s almost Madie’s fifth birthday and I have made no plans whatsoever.

4. Sam got bronchitis over Christmas and ended up on nebulizer treatments again. This time, he was on Albuterol and Pulmicort and holy moly, was it awful. The combination made him act demon-possessed. He had wild mood swings, manic behavior and threw honest-to-god temper tantrums that lasted FOREVER. He was completely inconsolable and I was completely out of patience. I talked to the doctor yesterday and he’s off the treatments, so hopefully his behavior will even back out over the next couple of days.

5. I’ve been spending some time out of The Boot. My ribs are fine. The hole in the garage ceiling is fixed. The shame from falling through the ceiling lingers.

I’m having a rather strange reaction to the end of my fertile days. I don’t feel bad about it, but I feel bad about not feeling bad. Does that make sense? I sort of feel like I ought to be mourning the loss of babies we’ll never have. Little people whose faces would have lit up at the sight of me. A new person to get to know and love. But I’m not thinking about those things except to realize that I’m not thinking about those things.

At first, I thought maybe there was something wrong with me. That I was cold and unfeeling toward one of the biggest decisions of my life. But the more I think about it, I realize that I’m not indifferent, I’m content. I am so secure in the completeness of my family that I don’t mourn the loss of hypothetical babies. I do not feel any urges to be pregnant again or to have another a baby to snuggle. It’s almost like a switch has been clicked off.

In three months, I will no longer be able to get pregnant. Ever again. And I’m ok with that.

So, leave me a comment and I’ll email you the pertinent info. And even if we’ve done this before, still let me know. I can’t be expected to remember these things. Sheesh.

I took this outside in full sun this morning. No makeup on whatsoever. Except Burt’s Bees lip balm because I am never without it. And I proceeded to go out in public like this, too. Just to Walmart, but still.

Look, we all know this is a shitty picture. The sun was so bright I couldn’t even open my eyes and it’s a self-portrait with my phone. BUT LOOK AT MY SKIN. It’s smooth, not blotchy and even a little glowy.

If you’re considering the OCM, I wholeheartedly urge you to do it. It’s cheap, easy and unbelievably worthwhile.

**UPDATE**
SamCam asked in the comments if I’d go over what my OCM process is. Of course I will!

I have oily t-zone and dry cheeks and I’m prone to monthly hormone-related zits. I stuck with the original suggestion I read of using Castor oil and EVOO in thirds. I use a three ounce flip-top bottle and I made a batch in nine parts; Six tablespoons Castor oil, three tablespoons EVOO and 1/4 teaspoon of tea tree oil. This has been perfect for my skin. I’ve only had to use the mixture as “moisturizer” once.

I started out doing the OCM at night but that got to be a pain in my butt.  Now, I do it before I get into the shower. I just take a washcloth in with me to wipe off the oil. Easy peasy. I do it three times a week and my skin doesn’t get oily or dirty feeling in between at all. If I need to take off eye makeup, I use a makeup remover wipe only on my eyes. On the days I don’t OCM, I just rinse my face well in the shower. I haven’t needed to exfoliate or use any other kind of product since I started two weeks ago.

All right. Let’s talk about this week on the OCM.

* I did the OCM five times over the last week.

* In order to combat hormone-related blemishes, I added tea tree oil to my oil mixture.  This, in and of itself wasn’t a bad idea; however, using straight tea tree oil on said blemishes was a Very Bad Idea, indeed. Did you know that you can actually BURN your skin with straight tea tree oil? Because you can. And I did. The whole area around my nose and mouth is now peeling.

* I ended up with two significant zits. On on my lower right chin and one under my left nostril.

* I also got the Herp Lip, which is completely unrelated, but contributes greatly to the horror of that photo. (BTW: Did you know that there are studies that show tea tree oil has antiviral properties? I used it on my herp lip, and the blisters were gone in 36 hours. Just be sure to use a 5% tea tree oil, which won’t burn you.)

Over all, I’m still really happy with the OCM. I went ahead and made up a larger batch for the next few weeks, making sure to add only a very small amount of tea tree oil. Because I’m not a complete idiot. The next time I need to make up a batch, I’m thinking of trying either avocado or jojoba oil instead of EVOO.

Congratulations, winners! I’m emailing you the codes for your free cards. Thank you everyone, for entering!

**** I previously posted a different set of winners, however, due to an error on my part, there was a comment that had not been approved and counted in the drawing. Therefore, I approved it and redrew the numbers with the correct parameters. Please forgive my mistake and disregard the deleted post that may appear in your Reader.****

Holiday cards from Shutterfly have become an annual tradition on the Dressed Up household. I love choosing the perfect design and perfect photos to create our holiday masterpiece. We live far away from most of our family so our holiday cards are a great way to send them pictures of the kids while giving a cheerful greeting at the same time.

In the Christmas card section, you can chose from folded, flat stationary or flat photo cards. Personally, I’m a fan of the folded cards since I’m more of a traditionalist when it comes to holiday cards. The beauty of Shutterfly is that there’s something for everyone. You’ll find the perfect card to send your love to all of your friends and family.

Are you looking for a great gift for the grandparents? Photo books are perfect! What grandparent isn’t going to swoon over a book full of pictures of the most adorable kids on planet?

If a whole book is too much for you this time of the year, and let’s be honest, we all have 8 million other things to be doing, you can choose from lots of other awesome photo gifts. Gerald’s family is made up of card sharks. Seriously, these people are ALWAYS playing cards. You’d better believe these playing cards will be in several stockings this year.

I don’t want to hog all the Shutterfly goodness for myself, so I’m giving three of you a chance to get some cards of your own. Shutterfly has given me three gift codes for 25 cards each. Leave me a comment with your favorite holiday carol and you’ll be entered to win one. Contest closes on 11/15/11 at 11:59pm CST. One entry per person, please.

Here I am, before. For the record, it is ridiculously difficult to take one’s own photo with a DSLR. I would like bonus points. And no crap about how shitty the pictures are. Thank you.

Before

I found it easy to use the oil. I just slapped some into my hands and massaged it around. I paid careful attention to get it everywhere. I even used it to remove my mascara.

After

FYI: That isn’t a zit on the bridge of my nose. I scratched myself with my own fingernail like a moron.

Also, here are the aforementioned blemishes on my cheek that I’ll be watching. I didn’t use any other products on my face at all.

My initial impression: I like it. My face feels really well moisturized and not all greasy. Except for my hairline, where I failed to rinse well.

Now, you know I love me some Pinterest, and while browsing the beauty section, I came across this pin. I’ve heard of the oil cleansing method (OCM), but never really gave it much thought until now. I’m ready for a change in my skin, but I’m not ready to spend $1,000,007 to do it. I’ve got a big ol’ Costco jug of EVOO and today at the grocery store I picked up a bottle of Castor oil for $2.67. I’m loving these prices already, yo.

I did a little Googling on the OCM and found some pretty good stuff. I also found a lot of hippy bullshit, but I just discarded that. This site was informative, as well as this one. And don’t forget to check out the content linked to that pin up there. It’s good stuff, too. Here’s a nutshell version, in case your clicking finger is feeling lazy.

* A simple rule of chemistry: like dissolves like. Therefore, if you’re trying to remove impurities trapped in oil on your skin, another oil is the best choice for the job.

* The harsh chemicals and soaps we use to cleanse our faces strip away the natural oils on our skin, which force our sebum production into overdrive and result in skin that looks like the Exxon Valdez crashed on our face.

* Once you start the OCM, it will most likely take a week or two for your skin to get with the new program. Don’t freak out about excess oil. It’s because your pores are unblocking and the oil production will even out in a few days. You may get a few small breakouts, but again, don’t freak out.

* It’s a time suck. Plan to spend about 10 minutes cleansing at night before you go to bed. You don’t have to do it every night. Every other works great for most people. In the morning, don’t use your “normal” cleanser on your skin. Just a rinse with warm water.

* The oils are great at removing make-up, so you won’t need a separate remover.

* You’ll most likely not need moisturizer anymore. If your skin feels tight after you cleanse, just take a tiny bit of your oil mixture and rub it into your skin. That’s all you need.

* The oils typically used are Castor and EVOO and the amounts are in thirds. For oily skin, try 2/3 Castor and 1/3 EVOO. For normal skin, try equal parts of each. For dry skin, try 1/3 Castor and 2/3 EVOO. Experiment with the amounts and find what mixture works best for you.

* The Castor oil is pretty much mandatory, but the EVOO can be replaced with a number of oils: jojoba, sunflower seed , grapeseed, sweet almond, or avocado. These are all more expensive that EVOO, so I recommend starting with EVOO and seeing how you like the OCM. If you love it and want to stick with it, then invest in a nicer oil if it makes you happy.

* The basic routine is thus: Using about a quarter-sized pool of oil, rub it all over your DRY and DIRTY face. Take the time to massage it in really well. The Castor oil is a cleansing oil and will bond with all the junk in your pores and pull it out. So make sure and get it everywhere. Once you’re all massaged, soak a wash cloth in the warmest water you can stand. We’re not trying to scald ourselves, but we are trying to steam our skin. Ring out the cloth and lay it over your face until it cools. At this point, you can rinse it in the warm water and do it again, or rinse it and begin to wipe the oil from your face. Rinse and wipe until all the oil is gone. FTLOG, don’t scrub. We’re using gentle hands, people. Gentle hands. Again, if you’ve got pinchy, tight face, then add some more oil to your skin. Also, consider changing your mixture so that you’ve got less Castor oil and more EVOO, since it’s the moisturizing portion of the mix.

I plan to start the OCM tonight. I’ll take a picture of my face right before and right after, for comparison purposes. I’m giving it two weeks. If I don’t like it after that long, then I’m going to try something else. During the two weeks, I’ll take lots of pictures and update you so you’ll know some of what you might expect if you try it to.

Wish me luck! If this goes horribly wrong, I’ll be the girl with a ski mask on during Thanksgiving dinner.

Cheesy Ranch Chicken

You will need:
a crock pot
4 – 6 chicken breasts*
1 small packet of ranch seasoning – Make sure it’s a SMALL packet. The large ones make for a very salty and very ranchy dish.
1 8oz block cream cheese
1 can cream of chicken soup

Put your frozen chicken breasts in the crock pot and turn it on low. In a small mixing bowl, mix the cream cheese, ranch seasoning, cream of chicken soup PLUS one can of soupy water. Use a whisk to incorporate these as best you can. The cream cheese will still be lumpy, but try to make it less lumpy. Pour your lumpy mixture over the chicken, slap the lid on and you’re good to go. Cook for 6 ish hours. Chicken doesn’t really take that long in the crock pot.

The chicken falls apart and the sauce is gravy-like in consistency. I like to serve it over brown rice, but noodles would be good, too.

*This depends entirely on how many people you are feeding, how large your chicken breasts are, and how big your crock pot is. For my family of two adults and two littles, four breasts is plenty and leaves leftovers.