Questions Answered

Jodi asked in the comments of my last post: Just out of curiosity can you share a little about what you can and can’t eat and why? You always say food causes you problems, but I wonder exactly what you mean.

I’m happy to answer that, Jodi. One caveat I’ll issue is that these are the foods and reactions that I have. Not all bariatric post-ops.

First of all is sugar. One of the “side effects” of gastric bypass is dumping syndrome. For me, 10g of sugar is my limit in one sitting. Any more than that and I dump. I get light-headed, sweaty, shaky, nauseous and dizzy. It’s awful. When it happens, I just curl up in a ball on the bed and cry until it’s over. Thankfully, it hasn’t happened in months. I’m very careful about my sugar intake now. And I NEVER try a new food for the first time when I’m out. I can’t imagine having to deal with a reaction in public. *shudder* (I also dump on fat, so I’m very careful about my fat intake, as well. Nothing fried or greasy. It makes me sick just to think about it.)

Dumping is pretty universal amongst bypass patients, but then we each have our quirks with other foods. I can’t eat bread. It physically hurts me. It sits like a rock in my pouch for hours. A couple of weeks ago, I had a mini-bagel and a piece got stuck in my stoma (the opening from my pouch to my intestine). For two hours, I threw up and prayed. It was one of the single most painful and upsetting experiences in my life. I was *this* close to going to the emergency room which most likely would’ve ended in surgery to remove the blockage. Luckily, one final vomit dislodged it and I was perfectly fine.

I also can’t eat eggs, dairy, dry ground beef or chicken. These things make me sick. However, I can eat steak without any problems and most post-ops can’t eat steak until a year after their surgery. As long as it’s moist and tender, I’m completely fine with it.

I try to stay away from “bad” carbs. No rice, potatoes, processed crackers or things like that. I allow myself some whole grain crackers, but I limit myself to small portions.

I’m sure this is all much, much more than you really wanted to know when you asked!

Devan asked: What is your treat to yourself for reaching your halfway point in 10lbs? New book? Girls night? Spill!

I don’t really know what my gift to myself will be. For my first 50 pounds lost, I got a pair of Converse sneakers that I wanted. Maybe I’ll get a massage or a facial for 75 pounds. The other big one coming is a combo goal. 100 pounds lost & ONEderland (meaning my weight starts with a 1). That’s a HUGE deal to me. I think I want Gerald to take me out on a fancy date with dress-up clothes and snooty food. My final goal treat will be a vacation/anniversary/birthday/goal weight trip with Gerald. We’re still kicking around ideas, but we’ve talked about a cruise, an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, Disney and Vegas. But next summer is a long way off and we’ve got time to decide. : )

If anyone else has any questions about this stuff, please feel free to leave them in the comments or email me. As you can see, I’m happy to talk about any part of this process that you’re interested in.

More about weight loss.

I’ve lost another five pounds. That puts me at 235 and a total of 65 pounds lost in three and a half months, and only 10 pounds away from being halfway to my goal weight.

I feel like pinching myself to see if this is all a dream. I know that 235 pounds and a size 18/20 still sounds ghastly to the thin people reading this, but it feels like heaven to me. I can’t remember the last time I was this small. High school, maybe? I know I’m still fat, but I don’t feel like I’m “point and stare” fat anymore. I’m more “socially acceptable” fat now. I don’t feel self-conscious in public anymore. I can cross my legs, kneel and rest on my heels, run and play in the backyard with Maddie without wanting to die and so much more.

Right before my surgery I had my cholesterol checked and it was 216. (I can’t remember what my triglycerides were.) My doctor checked it again a week ago and it’s 163 and my triglycerides are 75. This is the healthiest I’ve been in a very long time.

Don’t get me wrong, there are still bad days with this surgery. In fact, two weeks ago, there was an incident with a mini-bagel that almost sent me to the emergency room. Seriously. It was B-A-D. But, on the whole, I’m doing well. I’m learning what I can handle and what I can’t get near. I’m learning that even though I feel surrounded by unhealthy choices that look so delicious – I’m looking at you, Starbucks Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate – I don’t have to choose them. I’m not missing out on anything by not having it… except maybe some junk in my trunk, if you know what I mean.

Quick Update

My gastric bypass was three months ago today. Here are some pics and here are some stats:

* I’ve lost 60 lbs. I weigh 240 (and a half, if we’re being totally honest.).

* I’m wearing a size 20 jean and an 18/20 (2x) shirt.

* My hair has started falling out in earnest.

* I no longer have any back, hip or foot pain.

* I’ve started taking an iron supplement and my energy level skyrocketed.

* I’ve lost a half shoe size. (From 7 to 6.5)

* I’ve lost at least a half ring size. I’m currently wearing a sterling silver Mickey Mouse ring from Disney World as a wedding band.

* I’ve gone down two band sizes in bras, but not cup sizes. Turns out I’m having to stuff loose, extra skin into my bras now. It’s even less sexy than it sounds.

* I’m officially thrilled with my results and glad that I had the surgery. I would do it again in a heartbeat, even knowing how rough the first two months are.

So this is self-esteem…

I’ve lost 55 pound in the last three(ish) months. Wait, let me say that again: I’VE LOST 55 POUNDS. That, my friends, is a heckuva lotta weight. I’m more than a third of my way to to goal and there have been quite a few changes in my everyday life.

1. I can cross my legs.

2. My feet, knees and back no longer ache at the end of the day or first thing in the morning.

3. I enjoy shopping for clothes.

4. I try things on and no longer look in the mirror with disgust.

5. I cut all my hair off. It’s completely liberating. I no longer hide behind my hair.

6. I feel really good about myself. I feel cute, and attractive and vibrant.

7. For the first time in 12 or 15 years, I can say “I have less than 100 pounds to lose.”

8. I bought a pair of size 20 jeans this week and they fit beautifully.

9. I participate in the Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure almost every year. Each year, I get a commemorative t-shirt and order the largest size. I’ve NEVER been able to wear my shirts. I just sort of collect them. I can wear them now.

10. I’m proud of myself for doing this. It’s not easy. I struggle with food demons on a daily basis. As a matter of fact, just last night, I convinced myself that it was ok to eat a small piece of the banana nut bread that I made for Maddie and Gerald. I ate it and paid for it. NOT WORTH IT and I knew that, but I did it anyway. But every day, I start over and I don’t beat myself up over stumbles. I’m still learning. I’m a work in progress.

And now back to posts about weight loss

It’s been two months since my surgery. I’ve lost 48 lbs and four sizes. I’ve been doing well with not obsessing about how much or how fast I’m losing. I’m still weighing every day, but I feel much less crazy about it.

It’s hard to believe that it’s only been two months. It seems like I’ve always lived this way. I’m hard pressed to remember what it was like to eat whatever I wanted. I no longer feel sorry for myself or regret my decision to have surgery. I’m all through with mourning the loss of my precious food.

There’s a disconnect between what size I am and what size I feel. I got some new jeans yesterday (at the wal marts because I’m not spending good money on clothes that I’ll only wear for a month.) in a size 22. Now, I realize this is still a plus size and would give most of you a heart attack if you had to wear it, but it’s FOUR sizes smaller than I started in. I haven’t worn a 22 since I moved to Texas 12 years ago. Anyway, I didn’t try them on at the store because Maddie was with me, so I tried them on when I got home. As I held them up, all I could think was that they were waaaay to small and there was no way they were going to fit. Needless to say, then went right on. It was completely surreal. I still feel as big as I ever was. I wonder when, if ever, my mind will catch up with my body. Will I always feel like the fat girl?

Who needs therapy when you’ve got a blog?

Having bariatric surgery is a lot like being pregnant. I’m spending a lot of time waiting for things to happen and wondering who this new person is going to be. Buying small new clothes and daydreaming about what life will be like when “it” finally happens. And did I mention the waiting?

I’ve found that I’ve been obsessing over my weight loss… much like I did with my pregnancy. It’s almost all I think about anymore. That doesn’t strike me as the healthiest way to go, so I’ve decided to stop. No more weighing myself multiple times a day, no more trying on smaller clothes just to see if they fit yet and no more obsessing. From now on, I’ll weigh on Monday mornings and I’ll only try on smaller clothes when my current clothes are too big, or if I need an outfit for some event.

I’m just going to live my life and let my weight loss slip into the background. I know I’m going to lose weight; I don’t need to micromanage every single ounce.

Differences

I’ve lost 45 lbs thus far and I’m really noticing some differences both in my body and in this weight loss episode itself.

With this round of weight loss, it’s happening fast enough for me to notice. It’s really odd to be able to see a difference weekly. Usually my weight loss is on the slow side, so this 45 lbs would’ve taken me at least six months to accomplish. A couple of Saturdays ago, I got a pair of capris on clearance that were FOUR sizes smaller than my starting size. I tried them on and couldn’t button them. No big. I just set them aside to wait until I lost some more. ONE WEEK later, I could button them. I can wear them comfortably now. It’s crazy. I’ve also missed out on some of my favorite outfits because by the time I thought I was small enough to fit in them, they were already too big.

I’ve also been surprised by the changes in my body. The last time I lost this amount of weight, I was a good eight years younger and things “shrunk.” As I lost weight, body parts got smaller. This time around, it’s not that way. I’m losing volume but there’s no shrinking going on. I guess it’s a combination of losing so quickly and being older, but my skin is NOT keeping up. My boobs are the same size, skin-wise, but losing volume on a daily basis. Same with my belly. It’s not a pretty picture. Plastic surgery is looking more and more likely.

Here I am last Friday when I went out with some old friends. Looking pretty cute, huh?

The Good and The Bad

Today was my six week post-op checkup. (Although, it’s been seven weeks since my surgery.) I’ve lost 40 lbs and now weigh 260. My BMI has gone from 48.4 to 42. YAY for me!

I had blood drawn to test my vitamin levels. I have to wait for the results, but I already know what they’re going to say.

I’m deficient in everything. BOO for me!

I haven’t been taking care of myself. I KNOW. I had a $45,000 surgery that permanently rearranged my guts and I can’t be bothered to take care of myself? I need to be taking a bariatric multivitamin twice a day, a calcium supplement and protein supplements. As it stands now, I don’t really do any of those things.

I’m not making excuses for myself. This is deplorable behavior and I’m stopping it right now. I had this surgery so that I’d be healthier and live a long life with my husband and daughter. At the rate I’m going, I’m going to end up dead of malnutrition. Or all my teeth are going to fall out, which is WORSE than death.

I ordered some good vitamins and they should be here soon. Yesterday, I downed a 42 gram protein supplement. It threatened to come back up on me, but it stayed down. I’ve decided that I’m not going to find a protein supplement that I like, so I’m going to take the easiest one I can find. This one is 3 ounces and 42 grams of protein in one shot. It’s absolutely vile and I literally have to drink it with my nose plugged, but if that’s what I have to do to be healthy, then so be it. Luckily, the physician’s assistant knows the horror of protein supplements herself, and she was able to give me some recommendations. I actually stopped to get one of the things she recommended on my way home.

It’s time to put on my big girl underpants and do what needs to be done.

Wanna talk more about weight loss?

I’ve hit the typical four to six week stall. I haven’t lost anything in a week. (Well, I did lose those fake three pounds that I gained on vacation. I’m pretty sure Jess was right in calling them water weight.) My body is physically healed now and is trying to regroup after losing 35 lbs in a month. It’s normal and EVERY post-op patient goes through several stalls on their journey.

It doesn’t make it any less frustrating, though.

I spent two and half hours pushing Maddie and her stroller all over the zoo yesterday. Is it too much to ask to have lost a measly pound? Yes. Yes, it is. I do have to admit that I had to wear a belt to keep my “skinny” jeans up yesterday. That was sorta cool. Oh, and both my father and father-in-law called me “skinny” this week.

I’ve booked my flight to Orlando for next month and all I can think about is fitting in the seat. Will I be thin enough to fit comfortably? Will I need the dreaded seat belt-extender? Will the person next to me be all pissy about having to sit next to the fat girl? Oddly enough, I’m not worried about being in a bathing suit at the resort, or any spa treatments I’m going to have. Just the plane ride. I think planes and amusement park rides are the fat person’s kriptonite.

GRRR!

I’ve had my period THREE times since my surgery five weeks ago. I have an IUD and haven’t had a period since last November, and now I can’t STOP having them.

Also, did you know that hormones are stored in fat? So, as you burn stored fat those hormones are released back into your bloodstream. And if you’re losing A LOT of fat in a VERY SHORT TIME, you might be inundated with hormones.

Coincidentally, the phrase “Whatever. I hate all you muthahfuckahs anyway.” was heard coming out of my mouth this evening. And yes, I was talking about my husband and my kid.