Still Alive. Barely.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m in a “meh, I’ll blog some other time” phase right now. Twitter updates are more my speed these days.

1. Operation: No More Babies. I had the Essure procedure done on 12/22. The procedure itself was a cake walk. Two hours before, I had to take a Zofran and a Valium. At the appointment, I had to take off my pants and lay down. The end. Seriously, there was nothing to it. I had IV sedation and the procedure was done in a room at my doctor’s office. I woke up 45 minutes later and went home 10 minutes after that. No side effects, no problems whatsoever. In three months I’ll go back for an HSG test to confirm whether or not the ol’ tubes are blocked and then that’s it. Done and done. If you’re thinking about permanent measures of birth control, I can recommend Essure at this point. I’ll report again in three months, of course.

(An aside: I shared this on twitter, but here it is for you, in case you don’t follow me. You really should, you know. Anyhow, the co-director of Maddie’s preschool is the one who told me about Essure when she had it done seven months ago. When the kids went back to school after Christmas break, several teachers asked me if I’d talked to Stephanie yet. I hadn’t, and got Nervous Tummy about it. What in the world could she have to talk to me about that warranted this? Was I in trouble? OMG, I was getting sent to the preschool principal’s office! What she had to tell me was that she was pregnant. Apparently, her insurance company didn’t cover the HSG test after the Essure procedure, so she didn’t have it done. Her doctor said it was no problem, because she’d never heard of it not working. HA HA. She is now pregnant with their SIXTH child. Apparently, one of her fallopian tubes didn’t close all the way and her determined little egg made it’s way through to the Promised Land. After confirming that it wasn’t an ectopic pregnancy, all was declared well and she’s nine weeks along. So, her stupid insurance company that wouldn’t cover the HSG test is now going to have to pay for another pregnancy, birth and subsequent hysterectomy. She has a family history of ovarian cancer, so they’ve decided to just clean out her lady parts altogether. BUT!!! Don’t let this put you off the Essure business. It really is like one in a million that this happened.)

2. I had to go on birth control pills for these three months while the Essure does its magic and I had quite the adverse reaction to them. So, I took them for a week, freaked out, stopped them and got my period a week later. That’s a lot of hormones over the course of two weeks. I have not been the most pleasant person to be around.

3. It’s almost Madie’s fifth birthday and I have made no plans whatsoever.

4. Sam got bronchitis over Christmas and ended up on nebulizer treatments again. This time, he was on Albuterol and Pulmicort and holy moly, was it awful. The combination made him act demon-possessed. He had wild mood swings, manic behavior and threw honest-to-god temper tantrums that lasted FOREVER. He was completely inconsolable and I was completely out of patience. I talked to the doctor yesterday and he’s off the treatments, so hopefully his behavior will even back out over the next couple of days.

5. I’ve been spending some time out of The Boot. My ribs are fine. The hole in the garage ceiling is fixed. The shame from falling through the ceiling lingers.

Favorite

I am done having babies. As a matter of fact, I’m beginning to consider undergoing some sort of permanent birth control procedure. I’m not sure which type, yet, as I haven’t met with my OB/GYN for fear of Vagina Cancer. (Or as Shelly posits, Pube Cancer.) Regardless, I am done with the birthin’ of babies. I am 100% accepting of this fact. I am not able to care for more than two children without losing my damn mind. And let’s face it, there are days when even two children taxes what mind I have left. BUT, oh how I’ll miss some of the things that I only get with babies and not young children.

Sam is at such an awesome stage right now. He’s trying so hard to talk and everything he says is adorable. His walk is more of a drunken stumble/ zombie lurch. He is, literally, the most affectionate kid I’ve ever known. He gives full-on hugs frequently and without prompting. When we play together, he stops roughly every five minutes to climb into my arms and hug me and then returns to playing. He brings me a book and curls up in my lap while I read it. He’s starting to be funny on purpose. His favorite joke is to offer me a bite of whatever he’s eating and then shove it into his mouth at the last minute. Which is my cue to shout “tricky tricker!” and he laughs like a loon.

It’s hard not to have a favorite child. Because while Maddie is completely awesome in other ways, she’s also a complete asshole sometimes. Sam is seldom an asshole. He doesn’t have a temper, he doesn’t scream at me, throw tantrums or randomly decide he hates his favorite food just to mess with me. I keep reminding myself that all too soon, Sam will be an asshole, too. It’s just the nature of children. But sweet baby jebus, how I want to stop time and keep him this age forever.

Tiny Cowboy. We start 'em young in Texas.

Design on Zero Dimes

Being a one and a half income family of four, there’s not much money left over for things like decorating the house. And by not much, I mean ZERO MONIES are available for decorating the house. I’ll admit, before I had kids, I was house proud. I loved decorating and redecorating. I was on a first name basis with the staff at Pier One and Pottery Barn. Nowadays, I settle for a clean(ish) house that has all toys put away every night at bedtime. (Only to be up to my knees in toys by 8:00 am the next morning, of course. But while we’re all asleep? It looks FABULOUS.)

Lately, I’ve been craving a change so I took a look around and repurposed some of our existing decor and used some things that were just sitting around. I was able to change both kids’ rooms and their bathroom without spending a single penny out of pocket. The only thing that cost me imaginary money was the ink and paper I used to print some pictures. I was lucky to stumble across Indie Fixx’s Feed Your Soul Art Project and I printed out some for Sam and let Maddie choose her own. My decorating style used to be pretty matchy (but not matchy-matchy) but for Maddie’s room, I let her pick just about everything, decor-wise. I picked the furniture, but just about every other aspect is her choice. So, you’ll notice the pictures don’t match each other or follow a cohesive theme, but we’re cool with that. We love them and that’s all that counts.

Don’t pretend you don’t want to see pictures, Gladys Kravitz.

The kids’ bathroom was already decorated with Swell linens so it was bright and cheery. I found some wall decals in Maddie’s closet that I had gotten from Ikea to match her toddler bedding and they matched perfectly with our colors. Maddie helped choose the location for all the stickers and both kids really like it.

This is Maddie's favorite part

These are water animals, so they have to be by the bathtub, according to Maddie.

Sam’s room used to be decorated in Classic Winnie the Pooh, but he’s too old for that business. Since I don’t want to put too much time and money into decorating his room until he’s old enough to tell me what he likes, I just did the bare minimum to make me happy.

I made letters for Maddie when she was a baby, so of course, Sam got them, too.

I ended up moving the duck picture right underneath the birds on swings. It helps Sam stay stil long enough for a diaper change.

Over the crib, but high enough to avoid grabby hands.

Over the love seat.

Sam loves ducks and while coloring with Maddie, she asked for me to color her a picture to hang in her room. Sam got one too.

Maddie’s room:

Here's Maddie's coloring page. All colors were requested.

These letters used to be green apple green, but Maddie requested that they be pink, so I repainted them.

The Poop Story

Just in case you thought I was being ironic or misleading with my title, let me assure you that this is a story about poop. So stop reading now if you’re going to get all grossed out and mad at me because I made you read about poop.

Last week, the kids and I stayed with my in-laws in South Central Texas. (Why yes, I am indeed the awesomest daughter-in-law who ever lived because I voluntarily drive my kids five hours each way to visit my in-laws WITHOUT my husband. This is only because my in-laws are equally as awesome and I adore spending time with them.) My in-laws live on a fairly large plot of land at the cul-de-sac end of a neighborhood. Their yard backs up to woods full of deer and the creek tributary of the Guadalupe River. They have hens and a duck and two dogs. My kids LOVE it there. Every morning, they get their “Nana Walk” to let the chickens out for the day and to explore the property before breakfast. Sam mostly rides instead of walks, but you know what I mean. Maddie gardens, swims, rides her bike and a toddler car thing that’s two times too small for her but she refuses to stop riding it even though her knees drag the ground, and generally makes a mess of herself. She routinely needs two baths a day while we’re there. Sam still only needs one, thank goodness.

That fateful evening, it was Sam’s turn for a bath. I took him into our room, stripped him and stepped into TILED hallway to take him into the bathroom. As soon as my feet left the carpet, I stopped in the hallway and said something to my MIL who was there to admire Sam’s nudie snudie booty, of course. As I was holding him, I thought to myself “Why do Sam’s testicles feel so squishy all of the sudden? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?” I pulled my hand out and stared at it, willing the image to be caused by a stroke and not real. And then I heard it. PLOP. PLOP. PLOP.  I closed my eyes and said “He pooped, didn’t he?” My MIL was laughing so hard she couldn’t even answer me. I stood there with my hand full of poop and poop all down my shirt and pants and wished for the Earth to swallow me. My MIL tried to hand me a paper towel for my hand, but again, was laughing so hard that it took her three tries to hand it to me. I dumped Sam in the tub while my MIL cleaned up the poop on the floor as penance for laughing at me.

I got Sam cleaned up, burned my clothing and got him to bed. 15 minutes later, I heard him crying and went to investigate. He had thrown up his dinner all over himself and the pack ‘n play. Necessitating, of course, another bath. My MIL couldn’t even muster up a chuckle over the second incident; however, when she made me tell the story the next day, she laughed just as hard. I think it was almost worth it just for that alone.

One Year

Sammy Sam,

First of all, I feel like I need to start this letter with apologies. Yes, it’s late. No, you didn’t have a birthday party. I’m sorry for both of these things. But, let me just tell you that it’s pretty much all your fault. On the Monday before our birthday, you came down with hand, foot & mouth disease. (I can pinpoint exactly the moment those germs invaded your poor little body. We were at Target and you pulled the cart cover back and slapped your gummy mouth down right on the cart handle before I could stop you. Four days later? HFM FTW.) Half way through recovering from that, your compromised immune system was bombarded with a sinus infection and double ear infections. We got some antibiotics for that and you’re on the mend. Thank God. One more illness and I think I might snap.

At your one-year well baby visit on the 16th, you weighed 23.9 lbs, are 30.5 inches long and are in the 75% and 90% percentiles respectively. You are a roly poly ball of baby. You’re standing and cruising and trying hard to say “duck.” You love, love, LOVE smacking your lips together to make kissy sounds and clicking your tongue. Right now, you’re all about Curious George and Elmo and your sister. Your favorite foods are squash and zucchini and any kind of cookie you can get your paws on.

You’ve slept through the night for the last three nights in a row. I’m sure this due to recovering from illnesses and vaccinations, but I’m hoping and praying that it continues on. Mama needs some rest, baby boy. PLEASE?

Sam, you are so delightful. You’re the happiest damn boy I know. You adore being showered with attention. You give hugs and kisses so readily that it truly amazes me. You laugh with your whole body and make everyone around you laugh, too. You are so curious about everything around you. I know you’re dying to walk so that you can investigate EVERYTHING you see. And so that you can chase after me, your sister and the cat. Not necessarily in that order.

Before I had children, I had absolutely no idea how much you would change me. I had no idea that it was possible to love another human being so much. (Or to care about someone else’s bowel movements with the ferver of a demented stalker.) I was even worried that I loved your sister so much that there wouldn’t be any room for you in my heart. Of course, that was ridiculous. As soon as you were here, my heart grew and grew to accomodate all the love that came along with you. You completed our family, Sam. I didn’t know we were waiting for you, but we were. You were the missing piece of our family and I thank God every single day that you’re ours.

I love you as big as the sky,
Mama

Our first meeting. (It was casual.)

Suddenly, we were a family of four.

Before you were taken to the NICU.

Wired

Already a mama's boy.

Our birthday portrait

Woe is Sam

You guys, I’m feeling so, so sorry for my little Sam. Listen to this state of affairs:

1. He’s teething hardcore. He’s got three teeth coming in, and those are only the ones I can confirm visually before he screams at me for daring to look into his gaping maw.

2. He hasn’t had a decent nap or decent night’s sleep in WEEKS. The reasons? The aforementioned teething and his desire to be standing! And bouncing! And chewing the rails! There is too much excitement to possibly sleep. This, of course, leads to over-tiredness and the Crab Factor increases exponentially.

3. His separation anxiety has racheted up to 11. He’s such a Nervous Nelly that even if he’s home, surrounded by the familiar and someone, like say MY DAD, comes over for dinner, Sam throws him the stank eye all throughout the evening and won’t let the Person Who Is Not Mama or Daddy anywhere in his bubble of personal space. Which encompasses the entire living room.

4. He’s suddenly become frightened of EVERYTHING. Toys that he’s had, and played with, since birth. His sister. Any sound louder than a whisper that he doesn’t make himself. (I took him and Maddie to Chick-fil-a today for lunch and for some playing and the sound of me removing the backing on the sticky table topper mat made him completely lose his shit. And the piece de resistance? Maddie had to go to the bathroom. The sounds of flushing toilets nearly killed him. He was sobbing so uncontrollably that a Chick-fil-a worker came into the bathroom to check on us. She didn’t come right out and ask if I was dismembering my son in the handicapped stall, but she sure was thinking it loudly.)

The first week we dealt with all of these things, I was pretty much “Woe is Me” all the time. Now that we’re almost through with week number two, I’m beside myself with feelings of helplessness. Things are so hard for Sam right now and there’s not much I can do about it. I’m trying to control his environment a little, but I don’t want to create an artificial environment that makes him comfortable so that he never has to deal with loud noises or surprises. He has to learn that these things are part of the world around him and how to deal with them. But good lord, it is so hard watching him suffer.

Cheaper Alternatives to Some Common Baby Foods

Making Sam’s baby food has really helped me appreciate how much work and expense can go into making quality baby foods/ snacks. There are some things that are simply cheaper to buy than to make for yourself.

The first is applesauce. The Mott’s line of natural/ no sugar added applesauces are great. There’s strawberry, blueberry and traditional apple. They’re $1.72 for a pack of six at my local grocery store. Which works out significantly cheaper than baby food applesauce and is even cheaper than buying the apples and making your own. And a bonus for those who make their own baby food, the containers of applesauce are great for taking out when you’re traveling and can’t really take frozen food cubes along.

Sam is teething pretty hardcore lately (damn you, top front teeth!) and wants to chew almost constantly. I tried those baby wheat cookies, but Sam quickly lost interest. They were too crumbly and didn’t provide the “roughness” that would help ease his teething pain. I looked for old school Zwieback cookies but couldn’t find them. Then, I considered making sort of a baby biscotti. While at the store this morning, I saw Melba Toasts. They come wrapped in small packs of six toasts, so they’re perfect for throwing into the diaper bag. I gave Sam one before lunch and he wolfed it down. And they’re quite a bit cheaper than teething biscuits marketed for babies.

How about you? Have you found any cheaper alternatives for baby food items?

Miscellaneous Updates

* Trixie has settled into the family quite nicely. Actually, I think she was settled in five minutes after she got here. She was never skittish or hid or appeared nervous in any way. She just sort of moved right in and she fits perfectly. She’s the best cat EVER. Seriously. She’s a lap cat, she plays with Maddie without scratching her, she loves Sam and lets him shove parts of her into his mouth and she and our dog, Roxy, are total BFFS. I’m not kidding:

Her only really annoying habit is demanding to be in my lap when I’m working at night. She’s of the opinion that my laptop is infringing on her real estate. Luckily, we’ve come to a tentative compromise:

She’s also a good nurse. Maddie had strep throat this week and Trixie made sure to keep Mad’s feet warm while she rested on the couch.

* Once she was feeling better, Maddie decided that my hair needed some help:

She’s available by appointment only. If you’ve got a special occasion coming up, you’d better call soon. She’s booked solid for the next month.

* Sam is working on getting his top teeth. And by “working on,” I mean drooling, chewing on everything and generally being miserable. Except when he’s playing with daddy and giving him kisses.

* We’re planning our family summer vacation. We’ll be going home to Cleveland to visit my family. We haven’t been there since Maddie was four months old, so it’s long overdue. I can’t wait for my kids to meet my family. And to see them all again. I miss them terribly.

The downside is that we’re driving. And it’s 19 hrs. With two young kids. Why are we doing this? First of all, because it’s $1000 for three plane tickets. Secondly, both Gerald and I are completely opposed to the TSA bullshit that’s going on these days. I’m not about to let the airport see my babies naked in a scanner or, God help them, touch my babies in any way. Also, driving lets us control the environment for the kids and that seems better than being stuck on a plane. We’re doing the drive in two days, so hopefully that will make things easier. We’ll see. It’ll be awful no matter what, but let’s hope for the least amount of awfulness possible.

* This weekend, I’m having dinner with Jennie and Julie and going to my monthly book club meeting. I’m extraordinarily excited about both of these things.

* In two weeks Gerald will be gone for three days/two nights on a business trip. This will be my first time alone with both children for an extended period of time. Let’s hope we all survive it.

Dare to Compare

I really ought to shoot myself in the head instead of posting this, but I’ve never been the sharpest tool in the shed. So, let me lay it on the line: I’m feeling crushed by the ever-present Mommy Guilt. What about?

Well, I just read a blog post that was a letter to a little boy who was born two weeks before Sam was. It was very sweet and outlined the little boy’s achievements, likes, dislikes, personality, etc. The same thing I do for my kids. Only, this one caused me a fair bit of angst because her son? LEAPS AND BOUNDS ahead of Sam. He’s been crawling for a month and a half. He says like 10 words. He mimics his parents. Sam? Not so much.

Gerald and I have talked about Sam’s lack of interest in doing, well, anything and we’d basically come to the conclusion that he’s just the world’s laziest baby laid back. I was sure that he might be less ambitious than Maddie because he’s a boy, he’s second-born and he’s a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON. I try not to compare Sam and Maddie, but it’s impossible. The only experience I have raising a child is what I’ve gained with Maddie. It’s logical and reasonable for me to compare raising her with raising Sam. Maddie is an ambitious, independent, intelligent leader. She’s bossy, opinionated and never still. Sam is laid back, relaxed, happy and carefree. He’s pretty mellow for a wee baby and content to just go along with whatever’s happening.

The problem is now I’m comparing him with this little boy. Sam is nowhere near doing these things. And I’m worried. I’ve pretty much convinced myself that the reason Maddie was so far ahead of where Sam is at the same age is because I was able to devote almost all my time to her. Sam has to deal with getting way less attention and now his development is suffering for it.

To make matters worse, I feel like shit every time I have to tell Maddie I can’t play right now because I’m taking care of Sam. I can’t give either one of them my full attention so now they’re both suffering because of it.

Gerald and I are both only children so I have no idea how it’s supposed to work with more than one kid. Is this normal? That your kids are so! different! from each other? That you always feel like you’re short-changing one or the other? Will they both hate me when they’re older? Maddie, because I took away my undivided attention. Sam, because he got the shaft from the minute he was born. Have I ruined my kids’ lives by having two of them?

Yea Sam!

Sam has started clapping. Meal times are lot messier, but way more fun now.

Yea Sam! from Erica Dressed Up on Vimeo.