Bullets from the Front Line

* Sam is currently taking a nap in his crib in his very own room for the first time. Now, every tiny little snuffle and snort won’t jolt me wide awake and have me jumping up to check for choking on spit-up and SIDS. Instead, I’ll hear it over the monitor and have to run to the other side of the house to check. Somehow, I’m not quite sure this “moving to his own room” idea is in my best interest.

* Thank you very much for your sympathy and empathy on the whole “older child is driving me batshit crazy” sitch. It helped IMMENSELY to know that other moms felt the same way when their second child was born. I was feeling very much like an unfit mother. Now, I still feel that way, but in a “normal” sense.

* I’m recovering nicely. I’ve been off the pain meds since the day after we brought Sam home. My swelling and bruising are just about gone and so far my incision has stayed completely closed. SCORE! Also, I weigh five pounds less than I did when I got pregnant. (Don’t hate me. I only gained 13 pounds over the pregnancy.)

* We’ve made the decision to breastfeed AND bottle feed Sam. I realized that nursing exclusively was wicked difficult with a toddler around. And Sam takes about 1.5 hours to nurse (LITERALLY. No hyperbole, people.) and that’s just way too much of my day taken away with another child to tend to. So, I nurse him once or twice a day and he gets a bottle for the other feedings. I realize this makes me unpopular with the “breast is best” nazis, but it’s the best decision for my family at this point in time and I’m happy with it. Maddie was almost exclusively formula fed and has turned out just fine so I know I’m not doing Sam any long-term harm.

* Sleep deprivation is causing my temper to simmer right on the surface, but so far the hormonal roller coaster hasn’t been too bad this time around. The Z0loft is definitely helping keep Teh Crazy at bay.

* We’re settling into our new routines and finding the things that work for us. It’s a HUGE readjustment and sometimes kind of a pain in the ass, but I’m praying it’ll all be worth it one day.

Are you tired of pictures yet?

If you’re tired of seeing my kids, you may wanna skip this here post. Just a friendly warning : )

A Family of Four

Her shirt says "I'm the big sister" and his says "I'm the little brother." Couldn't you just DIE?

Five

Mom,

Five years ago today, I held you in my arms as you flew free of the body that had betrayed you. I thanked you for being my mom and promised that I would take care of Popie and he’d take care of me. That we would be ok without you and not to worry about us. It was, at once, the hardest moment of my life and the best. I felt such a feeling of peace and love as you took your final breaths. I just KNEW that you were going to a better place and that you were being greeted with love when you arrived. I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I was so glad that you were finally escaping the pain and weakness that cancer surrounded you with and I was so devastated that you were leaving me way before you were supposed to.

The weeks following your death tried me in ways I hope to never experience again. Five years later, I can remember the feelings emptiness and loss that threatened to swallow me whole, but they’re vague recollections. The pain isn’t raw anymore, but it’s not gone. There’s still an empty place inside me where you used to be.

I’ve made good on my promises. I’ve taken care of Popie and we’re both ok. He’s happy and I know that’s what you wanted for him. I’m happy, too, but I regret that your beautiful granddaughter will never get to know you. I regret that you won’t be standing at my side when I give birth to your grandson. I regret so many things, really. Sometimes I feel so screwed by the universe. How in the hell am I supposed to be a good mom without you? Who am I supposed to call when I need advice, or sympathy or a  swift kick in the ass to straighten me out? But these moments are getting less and less frequent. I’ve learned to adjust to life without you.

I hope you’d be proud of the woman I’ve become. The wife and mother that I strive to be. I know you’d be pleased that Gerald and I have been married for almost six years now and are very, very happy together. I know you’d adore your grandchildren and spoil them rotten if for no other reason than payback for my teen years.

I miss you, mom. And I love you as big as the sky the last number of times.

Erica

Avoidence

My MIL will be here tomorrow to stay with us for a while. So, naturally, instead of cleaning like I ought to be, I’m avoiding it by posting. To be fair, I’ve already done a load of laundry, cleaned my bathroom and the end tables in the living room. But, um… there’s more to do. (UNDERSTATEMENT)

I got a couple of outfits from Old Navy for The Boy last night. I got this:

And this, because they’re Gerald’s favorite band:

And this, because they’re one of my favorites:

I also got him a one-piece like the top one, but it’s shorts. It’s brown with white fishies all over it. For some reason, it’s not on the site, though.

And I got Maddie’s Easter outfit:

I also got an adorable navy blue cardigan with ruffles down the placket, but I can’t find it on the site. Whatev, Old Navy.

The words “cute” and “little” were used in a sentence about ME.

Today at work, an unknown coworker stopped me in the hallway and proclaimed that I was “so cute with my little round belly!” and wanted to know when I was due.

I wanted to hug and kiss her for 1. knowing I was pregnant and not just chunky and 2. calling me cute and my belly little.

When I was pregnant with Maddie, I never heard anything like that. Let’s call a spade a spade… I wasn’t cute and my belly wasn’t little. But that’s ok. I have the awesome experience of having to vastly different pregnancies. Not a whole lot of women can say that, right? Last time I couldn’t find maternity clothes big enough. This time, I’m wearing size small maternity clothes. Last time, I was so fat that Gerald couldn’t feel Maddie kicking. This time he’ll be able to with no problem once the Little Man is strong enough to be felt by anyone other than me.

I know that other pregnant women out there HATE when someone comments on or even rubs their belly, but I’m just eating it up with a spoon. I feel so great about myself! (Except for the face full of zits I’m currently rocking thanks to over zealous exfoliating and moisturizing. What’s the deal with pregnancy sucking all the moisture out of your body? I’m constantly flaking and itchy no matter how much lotion I use. GAH!)

Also, I’m only a few days away from being halfway through this pregnancy. How in the hell is time going by so fast this go ’round??? I guess not being confined to my bed helps, right?

Christmas Shenanigans

We celebrated Christmas with my dad and his wife and their family last night. Before we left, we had an impromptu photo session:

Here’s our “pretty” pose. Nice smile, Maddie. Really sincere.

RAWR!

Check out our muscles!

Obligatory belly shot.

My two favorite people in the whole world.

RAWR!

More muscles.

Favorite present EVAR.

Baby Names! YAY!

I’m getting a very strong “boy” vibe with this pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Maddie, I consistently referred to the baby as “she” even before we knew she was a girl. This time, I’m calling the baby “he,” even when I’m thinking to myself. Of course, I could be way off base but I think we ought to concentrate on boy’s names this go ’round.

(Just for the record, we have a girl’s name picked out already. Since Maddie’s named after our mothers, the second girl will be named after our grandmothers.)

Here’s the criteria for a boy’s name:
Our hypothetical last name is Henderson
The middle name must be Gerald. (Henderson family tradition dictates that the son’s middle name is the father’s first name.)
I’d like it to have a nickname like Madeleine does. We may not use it, but it’s nice to have the option.

Here are some names that I like:
Beckett (Beck)
Cooper (Coop)
Mason
Lucas (Luke)
Malcolm (Mal)
Nathaniel (Nate)
Samuel (Sam)
Theodore (Theo)

Gerald doesn’t like Beckett or Malcolm. He’s ok with Cooper. I haven’t asked him about the rest.

What other names should we consider? What do you like on my list? What do you hate?

RAWR!

So my kid is OBSESSED with dinosaurs. She wants to know what they’re all called and, well, I know pretty much jack shit about dinosaurs. Teh Google has been pretty helpful so far, but I was thinking it might be nice to get some age-appropriate reference material.

I’ve already gotten Maddie’s Christmas gifts, but her birthday is only three weeks after Christmas. I’m guessing that my kid isn’t the only one out there who constantly refers to herself as some type of dinosaur. (Examples: sneakasaurus, nakey-snakeysaurus, Rudy, & plain ol’ Tyrannosaurus.) Can any of you recommend some cool dinosaur toys or books?

One Number Two

I saw my OB this morning and a sonogram confirmed that I am pregnant with just ONE baby. Hallelujah and Amen!

I’m measuring 7w 4d which gives us a due date of 6/3. Everything looks great. Heartbeat was 151 and I got to bring home some unidentifiable pictures for Maddie. She’s so excited to be a big sister. She talks to and hugs the baby in my tummy and constantly reminds me that she’s “going to be the best big sister EVER!” Also, there’s apparently a slide and some balls in my tummy for the baby to play with.

I get to see little Number Two again on 11/16 for the Nuchal Translucency test. Nuchal schmuchal; I’m only doing it for the extra sonogram. I can’t wait to see the little bean moving all around.

Maternity Clothes Help

So, it seems as though my jeans are no longer comfortable. I’ve lost 5lbs since I got pregnant and my damn jeans are cutting off my circulation at the waist. I didn’t want to go to work tonight because I look fat. Not pregnant, just fat. GAH!

Anyhow, enough whining about the inevitable. Let’s talk maternity clothes. Specifically jeans. Where the best place to get some? Old Navy’s website has lots that look nice. Not so much Target or Kohl’s. I need a couple pairs, so they can’t be wicked expensive either. Discuss.*

*We are NOT discussing the fact that I’m not even 7 weeks along and my pants don’t fit. That discussion would make me cry, k? Thanx!