I wanted to hug and kiss her for 1. knowing I was pregnant and not just chunky and 2. calling me cute and my belly little.

When I was pregnant with Maddie, I never heard anything like that. Let’s call a spade a spade… I wasn’t cute and my belly wasn’t little. But that’s ok. I have the awesome experience of having to vastly different pregnancies. Not a whole lot of women can say that, right? Last time I couldn’t find maternity clothes big enough. This time, I’m wearing size small maternity clothes. Last time, I was so fat that Gerald couldn’t feel Maddie kicking. This time he’ll be able to with no problem once the Little Man is strong enough to be felt by anyone other than me.

I know that other pregnant women out there HATE when someone comments on or even rubs their belly, but I’m just eating it up with a spoon. I feel so great about myself! (Except for the face full of zits I’m currently rocking thanks to over zealous exfoliating and moisturizing. What’s the deal with pregnancy sucking all the moisture out of your body? I’m constantly flaking and itchy no matter how much lotion I use. GAH!)

Also, I’m only a few days away from being halfway through this pregnancy. How in the hell is time going by so fast this go ’round??? I guess not being confined to my bed helps, right?

(Just for the record, we have a girl’s name picked out already. Since Maddie’s named after our mothers, the second girl will be named after our grandmothers.)

Here’s the criteria for a boy’s name:
Our hypothetical last name is Henderson
The middle name must be Gerald. (Henderson family tradition dictates that the son’s middle name is the father’s first name.)
I’d like it to have a nickname like Madeleine does. We may not use it, but it’s nice to have the option.

Here are some names that I like:
Beckett (Beck)
Cooper (Coop)
Mason
Lucas (Luke)
Malcolm (Mal)
Nathaniel (Nate)
Samuel (Sam)
Theodore (Theo)

Gerald doesn’t like Beckett or Malcolm. He’s ok with Cooper. I haven’t asked him about the rest.

What other names should we consider? What do you like on my list? What do you hate?

I’m measuring 7w 4d which gives us a due date of 6/3. Everything looks great. Heartbeat was 151 and I got to bring home some unidentifiable pictures for Maddie. She’s so excited to be a big sister. She talks to and hugs the baby in my tummy and constantly reminds me that she’s “going to be the best big sister EVER!” Also, there’s apparently a slide and some balls in my tummy for the baby to play with.

I get to see little Number Two again on 11/16 for the Nuchal Translucency test. Nuchal schmuchal; I’m only doing it for the extra sonogram. I can’t wait to see the little bean moving all around.

Anyhow, enough whining about the inevitable. Let’s talk maternity clothes. Specifically jeans. Where the best place to get some? Old Navy’s website has lots that look nice. Not so much Target or Kohl’s. I need a couple pairs, so they can’t be wicked expensive either. Discuss.*

*We are NOT discussing the fact that I’m not even 7 weeks along and my pants don’t fit. That discussion would make me cry, k? Thanx!

Also, I’m finding that I’m having a hard time with the prospect of getting bigger. I’m a little bloated right now and I’m obsessed with how far out my belly is pooching. My new (SIZE! MEDIUM!) jammies are a little snug in the waist and it makes me so sad. After spending the last 14 months watching myself get smaller, I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that it’s ok for me to get bigger. This is the first time in my life that I’m allowed supposed to gain weight. My bariatric surgeon was telling me that gaining 25 -30 pounds was healthy during pregnancy and in my head I kept saying “Oh hell no! I’m going to gain as little as possible!” Then he started talking about how important it is for my OB to watch the baby’s growth for any signs of slowing due to malnutrition on my part. You’d think that would have scared the bejebus out of me and made me realize that I HAD to gain weight with this pregnancy so my baby would be healthy… and you’d be wrong. While I’m eating well and NOT dieting, I’m still fretting over the inevitable. How sad is that? Sad AND selfish.

I’m pretty pissed at my hormones right now. Here’s a detailed (and incomplete) list as to why:

1. I have a fucking fever blister. Nothing like a pregnant waitress with herpes bringing your dinner. YUM!
2. The nausea is awful. Have I mentioned that I work around food? Again, YUM!
3. My nipples have been on red alert for 10 days straight.
4. My boobs are heavy and sore and I hate them.
5. I’m pretty sure it was my hormones that tricked me into thinking getting pregnant again was a good idea. They even forced me to romanticize the experience! I pictured myself with an ethereal maternal glow, lovingly cradling my round little belly. WTF? I mean, really, Erica? Who’s dumb enough to fall for that? Me, that’s who.
6. Again with the nausea.

I’m giving a lot of thought to the kind of birth experience I’d like this time around. My last one was, well, shall we say, less than awesome. This time I’d like to try for a VBAC without any medication. I figure if I can handle a c-section without an epidural, I can handle natural childbirth, right? I mean, it can’t possibly be THAT painful. I haven’t run this by my OB yet, but I plan to at my next visit. I have a feeling he’s not going to jump on board the VBAC train. Don’t get me wrong, he’s wonderful, but he’s kind of medication-happy. I have a feeling he’ll gently push for a repeat c-section. I’m going to hold my ground and stand firm, though. I’ll assure him that I’ll go for the c-section the minute it looks like there’s any trouble at all, but otherwise, I want as little medical intervention as possible.

I’ve also been ruminating on how different this pregnancy is so far. There is very little Crazy this time. No obsessive googling at all. No thinking and thinking about all the millions of things that could go wrong. I’m just sort of… pregnant. With a toddler to chase around and a household to manage, I don’t really have time to devote to mentally Being Pregnant every minute of the day.

However, there is a downside to being too busy to pay attention to being pregnant; the tiredness. I’m so! tired! all! the! time! I’ve taken a nap every day for the last week or so. I cannot imagine how bad it’s going to be when I’m the size of a hippo running after Maddie at the playground. Also, I’m very stabby. It’s like PMS cranked up to 11. I swear to god, Maddie doesn’t shut up EVER and I’m on the verge of screaming at her to GIVE IT A REST ALREADY, PLEASE! So far, I’ve managed to ask her to hush and give me some quiet time in a very nice tone. I don’t know how long that will last, though. I’m not optimistic.

I’m going to the OB tomorrow for another blood draw to check progesterone and hCG levels. Then I’ll go back 48 hours later for a repeat to check and see if the hCG is rising as it’s supposed to.

We’ve told the family and close friends, and now I get to tell you! I find myself thinking of SDH and her husband and wondering if I’d be able to handle that situation with as much grace as she did. (The answer is categorically NO, fyi. She is a very strong and courageous woman, that Sarah.) I know that the little pink line doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll be holding a new baby next spring and I’m trying to not get too ahead of myself, but who are we kidding? I’m ahead of myself 100% of the time, right?

I’m not the kind of woman who’ll keep the pregnancy to myself until after the first trimester for fear of having to tell people about a miscarriage. Just as I shared the journey of getting pregnant with you, so would I need your encouragement and support if I were to lose this baby. That’s what’s so wonderful about my “blogging tribe;” you’re there to celebrate and to console.