Honestish

Last night at dinner I was trying to get some info out of Gerald and he was coyly avoiding answering me and then lying outright in a pathetically transparent and adorable way.

“You know something ironic? On my eHarmony post, so many commenters have said that the most important trait for their mate to have is honesty.”

“Really? That is interesting.”

“Well, you’re honestish. That’s something at least. We’re honestish together. No wonder we’re soul mates.”

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How I met my husband and a bonus contest!

In May of this year, Gerald and I will have been married for eight years. EIGHT. In some ways it feels like it’s been forever already, and at the same time, it feels like it’s been about five minutes.

I’ve talked about this before, so many of you already know this, but Gerald and I met on eHarmony back in October of 2003.

The first night we talked on the phone, we talked from 9:00pm until it was time for me to get ready for work the next morning at 6:00am. Our first date was a whole weekend long, and we were engaged three weeks later.

I remember seeing the commercial for eHarmony and deciding to do the free questionnaire and profile. I was determined to see if this site could do what it claimed, so I diligently answered all of the questions. It took me two frickin’ hours, but I did it. When I read the results, I was STUNNED. It was like this software knew me better than anyone in the world. I hadn’t set out to find “The One,” but after reading the personality profile, I thought, “Hey, if it knows me so well and can match me to people I’d get along with, why not?” I signed up for a three-month membership right there and then.

I got matches pretty quickly, if I remember correctly. The first date I went on was supposed to be a lunch date, and we ended up spending the entire day and evening together. There weren’t any romantic sparks, but we got along SO! WELL! If it wouldn’t have been weird, I know we’d have stayed friends and would still be friends to this day. The second guy I went out with was great, too. There were romantic sparks with him, so that was a nice bonus. Nothing earth-shattering, but I would have happily dated him for a while.

HOWEVER, I got matched with Gerald a week later, and that was all she wrote. From the very first phone call, I knew he was The One. I was head over heels in love with him before I’d ever laid eyes on him. When we went on our first date, it was like we’d been together forever. He told me it was so hard for him to not lean over and just casually kiss me randomly like it was no big deal, because he felt like we’d been together for a long time. (Don’t worry, it didn’t take him long to kiss me after all.)

I can’t say the last eight years have been smooth sailing, but I can say there is no one I’d rather spend my time with. No one with whom I’d rather raise my children. No one with whom I’d rather grow old. Gerald is my One, and if it weren’t for eHarmony, I’d have never known it.

We lived 50 miles apart, but it might as well have been an ocean. We had no social or work circles that crossed and would have never met had it not been for eHarmony. The best part was that through the program, we already knew that we agreed on so many of the Big Things you have to discuss when you decide to share your life with someone. We had the same morals, the same ethics, the same thoughts on marriage, kids, money, where to live, etc.

We never, ever fight over the typical couple things because we’re 99% simpatico on them. It was awesome to be able to begin a relationship already knowing those things about each other. I felt so secure in the very beginning, which is completely unheard of for me.

After my mother died and my dad was ready to start dating again, he told me he didn’t want to date for the sake of dating. He wanted to get married again. He was lonely as a bachelor and longed to be a husband again. Gerald and I recommended eHarmony for him, too. I don’t know how many other women he dated before he met Shari, but I do know they were engaged rather quickly, too. Shari tells me all the time that my dad is the love of her life.

When Shari’s daughter, Natalie, was ready to settle down, we all suggested eHarmony for her, too. She met Alan, and they’ve been married for two years and have a gorgeous daughter named Lilly. I may be biased, but I’m pretty sure she’s the prettiest, smartest, sweetest niece EVER.

I guess you could say eHarmony helped to build my family. Well, mostly it’s love that built my family, but eHarmony provided the means, that’s for sure.

The good folks at eHarmony and BlogHer are sponsoring a $100 Visa gift card giveaway to my readers. To be entered for a chance to win, leave me a comment answering the following question: What is the most important character trait your partner must have and why?

Rules: No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods: a) Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post b) Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post c) Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post d) For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry. This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

The Official Rules are available here.

This sweepstakes runs from 2/14/2012 – 3/15/2012.

Visit the BlogHer.com eHarmony page to check out more blogger success stories and for more chances to win!

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So, have you heard of this new thing called “moderation?”

Apparently, there’s this new concept of limiting the amount of time and energy one puts into different activities called “moderation.” So help me god, my very first instinct is always EXTREME. I never even considered just decreasing the amount of time I spend online. Seriously. I immediately jumped to “must quit now, boo hoo.” I’m such a fucking basket case.

Anyhow, I’ve decreased. Removed apps from my phone. Turned off alerts. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. And I’m feeling good about it. I just got caught up. It happens. And if it happens again, then I’ll overreact and go mental  back off a little.

What I’m trying to say is thanks. For being sweet, sending me emails to call me out on my bullshit, and generally putting up with my crazy ass.

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Done?

I’m considering quitting the internet. Specifically, blogging and twitter. This isn’t a rash, emotional decision, I promise. I’ve really been THINKING about it for a while now. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

* I don’t have many friends locally. I spend too much time online cultivating friendships with women who live across the country to be able to make friends in my own town.
* I am far too emotionally invested in online shenanigans. I get my feelings hurt over stupid shit all the time.
* I base too much of my self-worth on twitter replies and returned emails.
* I sometimes honestly believe my mental health would be better without being constantly connected.

BUT! I’ve made so many wonderful friends online! How can I give that up? And how can I sit here, know that you’re all getting together and I’m not? Or knowing how your kids are doing? Or how that new job is coming along?

And then I think if I channeled that much energy into finding local friends, I wouldn’t need to be so invested in my online life.

I don’t know. I can’t figure any of this out.

*This isn’t a “please tell me how much you love me!” post. I know it sounds like it and I’d probably think that’s what it was if I read it on someone else’s blog. Really, I’m just thinking “out loud.” Please do not feel pressured into telling me how awesome I am. Although, you know I love to hear it. I’m not gonna lie.*

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