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Advice
August 29th, 2010
My step-sister, N, is pregnant with her first baby. She’s due sometime early March and is full of questions. I’m flattered that she thinks I’m an expert, but we all know that’s so not true. Anyhow, in an effort to be helpful, I’ve put together a little list for her. What have I forgotten?
1. You cannot have too many burp cloths. Buy as many as you think you’ll need, and then buy more.
2. A sheet saver is a wonderful thing that you will not fully appreciate until 2:00am.
3. Never, ever underestimate the power of The Swaddle. Use it and don’t feel guilty because it looks like you’ve put your baby in a straight-jacket. They love it. Trust me.
4. If you can’t breastfeed, you’re not a horrible mother. Both of my children are formula fed and aren’t dumb or riddled with disease. That being said, please give breastfeeding more than a fair chance. Get help from a lactation consultant before you leave the hospital. It seems like nursing would be easy and innate, but it’s surprisingly difficult.
5. Don’t waste money on newborn baby clothes. First of all, people love to buy tiny baby clothes and will get you more than you’ll ever need. Also, newborns grow FAST. Your baby will outgrow those clothes in the blink of an eye. Concentrate your buying efforts on 6, 9 and 12 month clothes.
6. End-of-season sales are a great way to get clothes for the next year. However, you HAVE to remember how old/what size your baby will be then. For instance, if you’re going to get some winter clothes for next year, remember that you’re going to want 9 or 12 month things. Next summer, you’ll want 12 and 18 months, etc.
7. Unless you’re planning on co-sleeping, get your baby used to sleeping in his/her crib at an early age. You’ll be grateful for it as he/she gets older. Trust me again. Also, start a bedtime routine that you’re willing to continue for a long time. Don’t get your baby used to a nightly bath if you don’t really want to commit to bathing him/her every. single. night.
8. Don’t be afraid to call the pediatrician if you’re scared or unsure. They really don’t mind and they’ve heard it all before. They’ll tell you if you need to be worried and when to bring in your baby/go to the ER. And if they tell you not to be worried but you still are, take your baby in anyway. Better safe than sorry.
14 Responses to “Advice”
Love this list! I would also add that disposable changing table pads have been super useful for us. They have a waterproof backing, so when the baby pees during a change i just toss it. Saves a lot of laundry! Craigslist was also a great resourse for baby stuff, but you need to spend some time sifting through the posts. Some people think they can ask way more money than an item is worth, but there really are some great deals. I found a beautiful crib for$ 150.
Oh, yes! Those disposable changing pad covers are a life saver! Especially with a boy!
OK, I have a question. The sheet saver sounds like a brilliant idea but when I look at it, it’s only 14″ x 29″. Is it not supposed to cover the full crib mattress? How do you use it if it’s so small?
Jess – It ties to the sides of the crib so it stays in place. Newborns, especially when they’re swaddled don’t move around much. To save yourself the hassle of changing a blown out diaper of an older baby who’s all over the bed, I take the “lasagna” method of making the bed. Mattress pad, crib sheet, mattress pad, crib sheet. That way you can just remove the dirty sheet and mattress pad without taking apart the entire crib at 2am.
Aden and Anais blankets. Spendy, but WORTH IT. Huge, great for swaddling, throwing on the floor, using as a burp cloth, a light blanket in the summer, draping over the car seat or stroller to keep the sun out, etc. Those flannel receiving blankets that they sell all over the place are tiny and useless except as maybe a changing pad on the floor.
Hmmm… you would think two children later I would have more to say about this. I’m sure I’ll be back!
Oh, and despite what the nurses tell you, breastfeeding DOES hurt in the beginning, even if you’re doing it right. Soothies gel pads are your friends.
Right on with all of your points! One thing I would add to the crib sleeping/routine thing is enforcing that nighttime is for sleeping, not playing! Whenever Little woke up in the middle of the night, all he got was a change and some milk and rocking on the Boppy. Zero playing, very little talking, only as much light as you need to change, make/heat formula, etc. I would go to parties where other people would have their newborns, and everyone would ask where he was… duh, at home in bed since it’s 10:00 PM! Granted he was a star sleeper from day 1, but I like to think that the above contributed to him sleeping through the night at 5 mos.
That is funny, because I would disagree with just about everything there, except for the breastfeeding. So I will add, “what is good for me may not work for you.”
Penny – Always an important point. Thanks for bringing it up.
My second baby spit up constantly, and the burp cloths were really not big or absorbent enough. We bought a pack of cloth diapers and used those as burp cloths instead.
Love the new look and comment page.
I would add, “Never say never, unless you like to eat your words.”
I may know that one from experience…
Oh my, yes, Devan. I’m surprised I don’t weigh 500lbs with all the words I’ve eaten over the last 3.5 years.
I would say, no matter how in sync you think you and your partner are in childrearing philosophies, DO NOT BE SURPRISED when you have wildly different ideas about certain aspects of parenting, things you possibly never even thought to discuss beforehand because how could it be an issue?! (Here I’m specifically thinking of frequency of bathing kids, because I think at least every other day in the summer is pretty mandatory, whereas my husband, as I have discovered since being on bedrest, thinks of bathing as some sort of effing LAST RESORT when wet wipes and napkins are no longer cutting it. MAKING ME NUTS.)
Also don’t be too shocked if when your husband is watching the kids, he manages only to WATCH THE KIDS, whereas you can do that while simultaneously getting chores and laundry done. Or if, say, five years into parenting, he still has to be reminded which drawer the kids’ socks are in. Most of this applies probably more to stay at home moms with full time job having husbands, but I kinda bet it’s a little bit true across the board.
Ha! Love what Sarah said – all of it so true!
I’ve been thinking about your question on and off for a few days and really, the only thing I can come up with is: do what feels right to you, makes you happy and the most important part – don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t feel guilty if you have to have a c-section, if breast feeding doesn’t work, if you use disposable diapers or choose sleeping arrangements that make others cringe. If it works for you and your family, do it and don’t apologize or feel guilty about it. A happy mom is more important to a baby than a vaginal birth or breast milk or cloth diapers or co-sleeping (or crib sleeping). I think moms judge themselves (and others) way too harshly for the choices they make. If you’re comfortable with your decision, go for it and apologize to no one.
Echoing Jana, I don’t have kids, but since I got married all my mom can do is pass on advice. (We aren’t even trying to have kids yet!) Here’s the common theme: Being a parent is kind of like being in a good marriage.
1)Love your kid even when you don’t like them at the moment
2) Sacrifice to make their lives better. My husband gives things up to make me happy and vice versa. It’s not big stuff, but he will occasionally do things he knows I hate to make me happy, and I do the same.
3)Don’t let them 100% entirely take over your life since you still need time to be you to keep you happy and sane.
4)Whatever works routine wise for your family, works. If other people tell you to do something a certain way and you think it will work better, try it. If it doesn’t, go back to your way of doing things. It’s your life, you and your family don’t have to do things like other people. We aren’t robots.
Those are the things I like to think I’ll take with me when we have children. Yes, there are things like how many birth cloths, which swaddler, bouncy seat, bottle, that everyone is willing to strongly give their opinion, but everyone’s kids are different. (I read a lot of mommy bloggers). But I’m willing to bet, the good parents follow the guidelines for a good marriage.
Oh, and as my aunt says: “Enjoy every moment, good and bad. In the blink of an eye, kids are grown and gone.”