Bullets from the Front Line

* Sam is currently taking a nap in his crib in his very own room for the first time. Now, every tiny little snuffle and snort won’t jolt me wide awake and have me jumping up to check for choking on spit-up and SIDS. Instead, I’ll hear it over the monitor and have to run to the other side of the house to check. Somehow, I’m not quite sure this “moving to his own room” idea is in my best interest.

* Thank you very much for your sympathy and empathy on the whole “older child is driving me batshit crazy” sitch. It helped IMMENSELY to know that other moms felt the same way when their second child was born. I was feeling very much like an unfit mother. Now, I still feel that way, but in a “normal” sense.

* I’m recovering nicely. I’ve been off the pain meds since the day after we brought Sam home. My swelling and bruising are just about gone and so far my incision has stayed completely closed. SCORE! Also, I weigh five pounds less than I did when I got pregnant. (Don’t hate me. I only gained 13 pounds over the pregnancy.)

* We’ve made the decision to breastfeed AND bottle feed Sam. I realized that nursing exclusively was wicked difficult with a toddler around. And Sam takes about 1.5 hours to nurse (LITERALLY. No hyperbole, people.) and that’s just way too much of my day taken away with another child to tend to. So, I nurse him once or twice a day and he gets a bottle for the other feedings. I realize this makes me unpopular with the “breast is best” nazis, but it’s the best decision for my family at this point in time and I’m happy with it. Maddie was almost exclusively formula fed and has turned out just fine so I know I’m not doing Sam any long-term harm.

* Sleep deprivation is causing my temper to simmer right on the surface, but so far the hormonal roller coaster hasn’t been too bad this time around. The Z0loft is definitely helping keep Teh Crazy at bay.

* We’re settling into our new routines and finding the things that work for us. It’s a HUGE readjustment and sometimes kind of a pain in the ass, but I’m praying it’ll all be worth it one day.

Are you tired of pictures yet?

If you’re tired of seeing my kids, you may wanna skip this here post. Just a friendly warning : )

A Family of Four

Her shirt says "I'm the big sister" and his says "I'm the little brother." Couldn't you just DIE?

Unexpected

I’m basically an only child, and so is Gerald. This means we have no concept of having a sibling or how to best facilitate Maddie and Sam’s relationship. I read some articles online and we had a plan for when Maddie met Sam in the hospital and for when we brought him home. For some reason, I really didn’t think any further than that.

D’oh.

I was woefully unprepared for Maddie’s acting out for attention. And not just anyone’s attention. Mine. I thought with her dad and her Nana here to lavish her with attention that she’d gravitate toward them instead of being such a mama’s girl. I honestly thought this would be when she turned into the famous southern “daddy’s girl.”

Negatory.

Sitting in the living room with her father and grandmother, she will scream for me to come and help her with something. She follows me everywhere. She’s not listening and being kind of bratty. I’ve made lots of time to spend with her one-on-one, but I get so frustrated with her constant acting out. I feel like I spend the whole time fussing at her and I HATE it.

I’m smack in the middle of postpartum hormone hell and it all seems to be directed at my precious little girl. I’m head over heels in love with Sam and marvel at how EASY it is to take care of him. Sure, I’m up every two hours at night, but I can make him happy. He’s not bossing me around or talking to his elders with a snotty-ass tone of voice or blatantly disregarding rules. I don’t want to prefer one child over the other, damn it. I want Maddie to feel secure and loved and included. I have no idea what to do to help this. We let her hold and feed Sam whenever she wants to. I offer to play with her and take her on errands just the two of us. Nothing seems to curb her desire for more attention and negative attention at that.

Those of you with more than one child, can you PLEASE give me some advice? I’m drowning over here.

Sam’s Birth – A photo montage!

Last pregnant belly picture - 36w6d

Sam!

And then there were four

They brought Sam to me on his way to the NICU

In the NICU

In the Special Care nursery

Sam on his daddy

A letter to my son

My Dearest Sam,

You’ve been home with us for almost three days and it seems as though you’ve always been here. You fit right into our family like a puzzle piece we didn’t even know was missing. Your dad, Maddie and I are already completely in love with you. Maddie’s so unbelievably proud to be your big sister. She wants to hold you, feed you and play with you. She’s also obsessed with seeing your naked heinie, but she’s kind of weird.

We got off to a rough start, but in hindsight, it was only 5 days out of our lives. We have so many more days ahead of us to make wonderful memories. Like Tuesday! Remember when you started peeing during a diaper change and I actually caught it with my hand? Yeah, that was great. Good times, good times.

I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday and lamenting that your birth was nothing like I’d wanted. I wanted a VBAC and got another c-section. I wanted you with me and ended up with you in the NICU. I wanted to nurse you exclusively, but ended up watching you be bottle fed by the NICU nurses. But you know what? None of that matters. What I really wanted, more than anything, was YOU. I cannot wait to see the person you become. Will you be funny like your sister? Will you be brilliant like your dad? Will you love to read like me? Will you love music like we all do?

You will be my last baby. My last child. I cherish the weight of your warm little body as you nuzzle my neck. I gaze in adoration at your tiny fingernails and pursed little lips. I watch you dreaming and wonder if you’re thinking of me. I love the fact that right now I can give you all you need to be happy and safe; that will last for such a short amount of time. Soon, you’ll be running off after your sister barely giving me a backward glance. I can only hope that you’ll come back for a hug every now and then.

Love,
Your very proud mama

SAM!

Our son, Samuel Gerald, was born on May 13th, at 11:20 am. He weighed 6lbs, 14oz and was 18.5 inches long.

Due to an overreaction on the part of one of the nursery nurses, Sam was misdiagnosed as having trouble breathing and was sent to the NICU. Once he was in the NICU, we had a VERY hard time getting the neonatalogist and nurses to listen to us and that Sam wasn’t sick. Since the NICU staff is used to dealing with extremely sick babies and they weren’t used to a normal baby, they kept seeing problems where there were none. We spent three days trying to get him out of the NICU and finally succeeded on Sunday. He was moved to Special Care, were they promptly set about get us released. We got to bring him home last night around 5:00 and we’re ECSTATIC to have him with us.

He’s perfect and wonderful and everything we were hoping for. As soon as I get a chance, I’ll post pictures of him.

Thank you to all of you who prayed for us and Sam and sent well wishes. They were very much appreciated!

How hard can it be?

Those of you that follow me on twitter undoubtedly saw my frantic posting about being in labor last night. Since I’m not sitting here typing my son’s birth story, you can guess that it was once again The False Labor. The contractions started around 3:00 and by 5:30, they were five minutes apart and pretty intense, lasting about a minute. I thought FOR SURE this was it. I called Gerald, who was still two hours away from home, and advised him not to make any prolonged rest stops. I talked to Donna, who told me to call the doctor. To which I intelligently replied, “But then I’ll have to go to the hospital and it’s 45 whole minutes away and really, I’m too lazy for that.” I called anyway. They told me to drink a big glass of water and lie down. If the contractions were still 5-1-1 in an hour, to come on in to labor and delivery.

So, I got Maddie to bed and laid down. Sure as shit, those bastard contractions started easing up and getting further apart. By the time Gerald made it home, they were just about gone. They picked up again around 11:00 and I had to lie there timing them like a doofus. I finally fell asleep, so they must’ve stopped at some point. (See how I came to that brilliant medical conclusion?)

Anyhow, the thing that gets me is how can I not know when it’s actual labor? I mean, shouldn’t it be obvious? Shouldn’t there be some inner womanly intuition that says “the birth of thy babe is nigh?” (You know, because everyone’s inner womanly intuition speaks King James biblical English.) How hard can it be to tell if one is having a baby or not? I mean, even without obvious signs such as water breaking or a head poking out of your ‘gina, it shouldn’t be that difficult to ascertain. But apparently, I’m a labor idiot.

At least I didn’t haul my ass ALL THE WAY to the hospital for nothing. Not to mention pawning my kid off onto my dad and his wife and starting a panic for the traveling in-laws. That’s something, right?

Summertime Fun

Texas summer weather is the bane of my existence, but it does make for some great memories.

I may be a little biased, but tell me that’s not the cutest girl in the whole wide world.

35w3d

My 35 week OB appointment went well. I had a sonogram and The Boy is estimated to weigh 6lbs and he’s in the 55% percentile. He’s measuring a week ahead based on head, femur and stomach sizes. His teeny balls have descended and were QUITE visible on the sonogram. For some reason, it makes me laugh every time I see them on the screen. They’re just so… out there, you know? Maybe I’ve just got the mentality of a third grader.

According to my OB, last night’s five hours of misery was actually productive. The Boy is now “engaged” in my pelvis and is at zero station. I haven’t dilated anymore, but my cervix has softened and is effacing. He thinks it’ll be sometime between 36 and 37 weeks when I go into labor. (I’ll be 36 weeks on Friday, fyi.) The parental units have all been put on alert for traveling and watching Maddie during labor.

The doc was again very pleased with my chances for a successful VBAC, which makes me super happy. I think. Mostly it makes me super nervous and scared for my poor ‘gina.

False Labor, True Pain

Yesterday, I awoke with the energy and desire to clean my house. Not everything, but the things I hate to clean the most. I put some laundry in and did five loads throughout the day. Including our and Maddie’s sheets and remade the beds. I swept the kitchen and entry way and cleaned the baseboards. I steam mopped and then used the magic eraser to get whatever gunk was still left in the grout. Then, Maddie “helped” me vacuum the rest of the house. It might not sound like a lot, but first of all, I’m hugely pregnant. Secondly, our kitchen is the largest room in the house and I HATE mopping with the fire of a thousand suns.

Anyhow, I laid down for an hour and a half in the middle of the day, but apparently that wasn’t enough. By dinner time, I was seriously hurting. It felt like the baby was just going to fall right out. Don’t get me wrong, that’d be a great labor, but still, that shit was uncomfortable. By the time Maddie went to bed at 7:30, I was miserable. I took a warm bath hoping that would help. Nope. I took an anti-contraction pill and laid in bed on my left side. I ate a snack and wound up with terrible nausea in addition to the contractions and pressure. I felt like I was going to snap and lose my shit entirely. I didn’t think I could be any more miserable. I got up and sat in my recliner, which helped with the nausea, but not the contractions. An hour or so later when I stopped feeling sick, I went back to bed. I laid there, timing contractions. When they got to four minutes apart I almost told Gerald we were packing up and heading to the hospital. However, over the course of the next three hours, they gradually got further and further apart. Finally, around 12:30, they were so slight that I managed to fall asleep.

All in all, I was miserable and honestly believed I was in labor for five hours and what do I have to show for it? Not a damn thing. How unfair is that shit??? Anyhow, I’ve got my 35 week OB appointment today, so we’ll see what he says. Let’s hope I can make it through the weekend. You know, without wanting to give myself a c-section in the garage with a hacksaw and some Anbesol.