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I don’t know nuthin bout birthin no babies!
March 30th, 2010
This is not the pregnancy/birth experience that I wanted. Neither was my first. I know I’m not alone in this and I’m not the only woman to feel betrayed by her own body, to be steamrolled into medical interventions that she doesn’t want, to be run through a system that doesn’t necessarily have her best interest at heart.
(Let me begin with a caveat: I adore my OB. I don’t agree with everything he says, but I trust him. I trust that he truly cares about my health and the health of my child and will do what he believe is right in any given situation. If I didn’t feel this way, I wouldn’t be his patient. However, he is still a member of the medical profession and is looking out for himself and his practice.)
I make no secret about the fact that my first delivery was a living hell. My epidural took more than an hour to be inserted and then it only worked on the right side of my body. I felt my c-section on the left side and the nurse anesthetist didn’t believe me. I didn’t get any relief from the pain until my daughter was delivered and I was being put back together. I spent five days in the hospital where I packed on 20lbs of fluid. My feet were so swollen that I literally could not get socks on them. Once I was home, my incision ruptured and I found myself lying in bed in a pool of blood and fluid. I spent WEEKS with a washcloth folded in my pants to absorb the constant leaking fluid from my incision. It was painful and humiliating and scaring. I had nightmares for months after my daughter’s delivery. I honestly believe that it greatly contributed to my postpartum depression and affected my ability to bond with my daughter.
We all know the goal of pregnancy is to end up with a healthy baby at the end and we’re told that it doesn’t really matter how you get there. I believe that it does matter. I believe that women have been told for so long that they don’t know how to give birth that we actually believe it. Medical interventions have become the norm, rather than the exception. I’m grateful to be the recipient of modern medical care and to have not lost my unborn child to extremely premature labor. However, I know this leaves me wide open for further medical interventions that I don’t want or even believe that I need.
What I want is to not give birth lying flat on my back on the most counter-intuitive position imaginable. I don’t want to be hooked up to all kinds of machines and IVs so that I can’t get out of bed and move. I don’t want to be forced into pitocin and then an epidural because the pit contractions are too painful to bear and then a c-section because well, hell, I’ve already got the epidural so we might as well. I don’t want to be treated as though the birth of my son is a medical event that requires treatment. I’m not sick. I’m giving birth. There is a HUGE difference.
But I’m having a VBAC so I know most, if not all, of these things are inevitable. I had to sign consent forms to attempt a VBAC and they were so skewed toward pushing me into a repeat c-section. All this garbage about uterine rupture and the fact that I’ll probably end up needing a section anyway and the recovery from attempted labor and then a section is worse than if I just had the section in the first place. It wasn’t really a consent form so much as a tool being used to frighten me into an unnecessary medical treatment.
When this baby is ready to come into the world (at an appropriate time, mind you!) I plan to have as little intervention as I can get away with. There will be absolutely no pitocin. If I choose to have an epidural it will be because I want one and not because I’m being coerced into it. I will try my hardest to not be supine when I’m ready to give birth. I will only have a c-section if it is clearly a life and death situation for me or my son. I will be my own advocate and I won’t be steamrolled into anything that isn’t absolutely necessary.
test Filed under knocked up | Comments (15)15 Responses to “I don’t know nuthin bout birthin no babies!”
You and I (you with your preterm labor crap, me with my twin pregnancy) fit into that category where we ARE grateful for lifesaving medical intervention. I too was so pissed about my 1st csection, but am I grateful it was in 2003 and not 1903? Am I glad that both of my daughters and myself survived? Is it possible, in different circumstances esp. different points in history that all THREE of us could have died? YES.
However, we fall into a unique category because while we are GRATEFUL AS SHIT that modern medicine is there to do what it does, WHEN NECESSARY, we don’t then automatically believe that ALL of birth is a medical event.
I think many people who hear someone like you or me say “but I want things as natural as possible” feel as if they need to remind us that MEDICINE saved us/our babies. I think many people think that we must REVERE ALL MEDICINE and be forever bowing to it’s power.
I too think not enough credit is given to women, and that women do not give their bodies enough credit. Around here, for example, there are MANY inductions for “a big baby”. But I believe- in MOST circumstances- that our bodies are very wise and would not grow a baby too big to deliver naturally, if given a fair chance. (Most hospital births would not qualify under my definition of “a fair chance”.)
Anyway, as a doula, I support women with these same values about birth and women that want an epidural as soon as they feel the first contraction. I respect both ways of giving birth; I respect that the woman has a right to decide what SHE wants. But I don’t believe that most women that are asking for that epidural ASAP are doing it out of any motivation other than fear. They FEAR labor and pain and think they can’t do it without medical help.
I could go on and on (email me if you want!). Also, consider hiring a doula (or looking for “volunteer doulas- those still in training and willing to attend for free). Having an extra set of eyes and ears in the room- eyes and ears that have been educated on the birth process- keeps the staff on it’s toes a bit more.
Also, study after study has shown that how a woman is TREATED when in labor greatly effects her memories of how that labor went and also affects her recovery. Treated lovingly, gently, kindly, respectfully? Women remember labor/giving birth fondly even if it was, by all other accounts, not ideal at all. Treat her briskly, talk over her, prey on her vulnuerabilities? She remembers it with disdain, anxiety, anger, and sadness.
While not even REMOTELY comparable to your situation, my doctor administered my post delivery stitches sans pain meds. Yes, I had an epidural, but it had long since worn off. My mom asked if there wasn’t something he could give me for the pain, as I sobbed, and he looked at her and told her there just wasn’t a good stopping place. Now, I adore my OB and trust that he made decisions about my induction, labor, etc. with my best interests and the best interests of my baby involved. However, OUCH. We’ve come so far, but still have so far to go.
YES. This sums it up PERFECTLY. Modern medicine is a wonderful thing, and sometimes pregnancy and birth require these sorts of interventions. But sometimes they don’t, and we need to become better about distinguishing. I too hope to someday have a birth without intervention, without lying flat on my back, without feeling confused and uninformed. I hope that you are able to have this VBAC and that it goes very well. And I agree with Marie Green… hire a doula!
The third paragraph should be handed out to teenagers during sex education in school. What a horrific experience in what otherwise should have been a day of celebration.
Doctors are too afraid of being liable should something go wrong, and seem to opt to just do what’s good for them, not what’s good for the woman. I hope the birth of your son is not only rewarding, but healthy for all.
PS: Boys are never still and always in a hurry to be doing something – I will pray he marinates a little longer!
YOU GO GIRL.
(Not INTO LABOR or anything. You know.)
I hear you. I hear you. And I second Marie Green’s suggestion of a doula (doula in training sounds like a great idea). It’s a cost that may be prohibitive but it’s amazing to know that you have an advocate that is there JUST FOR YOU (and the baby), to make sure that things happen the way YOU WANT, that can help your partner do everything for you that he wants to (a good doula supports your partner and helps him support you more than anything else). We had one both times and it made all the difference, I truly believe. I TRUSTED her more than anything. And she trusted me.
Here’s to a satisfying, empowering birth for your little man, however it happens!
Please tell me you are getting a doula or a birthing partner who is not your husband – but who’s sole purpose is to make sure you get what you want/need from this birthing experience. It will make life so much better and easier for you. This person will be able to advocate for you (especially if they are recognized as a doula) and will be able to stand up to the nurses for you – if necessary.
Your husband should be there, by all means. But having the second person who’s only job is to get you water and to tell the nurses to back off, is awesome.
[Opps, didn't read the comments until now. So I second/third/fourth the doula suggestion.]
peace…
All I have to say is AMEN!!!
The only thing I think I’ve learned after 2 births is that some people don’t birth well. I love and support your idea of a VBAC and I hope it’s everything you want it to be. But the fallacy of the no intervention/homebirth/natural movement is the idea that if you swear off interventions you will have a “good” birth, meaning a relatively painless, ecstatic, fast-healing, no trauma, no scar birth. This isn’t true for everyone, and maybe not even the vast majority of women.
Also, it is possible to have a GOOD c-section experience. So no matter how it plays out, you know you always have a chance at having a much better birth, and also always a risk that your birth will still suck.
Also, I have to disagree with Marie that women who ask for an epidural early in labor do this out of fear.
During my VBAC attempt, I was SO AGAINST the idea of an epidural. So against! I had my doula there, I had read books, we had techniques ready. The works. And then the contractions hit. And they fucking hurt. They fucking HURT. On the monitor, those contractions looked exactly like transition contractions. I wasn’t even at 3 cm yet. Fuck! I got that epidural and never looked back. Some women can not stand the pain because they just don’t like pain. And for some women, I believe that pain is worse than for others.
Oh my, where to begin? First: very sorry about the preterm/bedrest crap. I have been so lazy about commenting lately. I am so familiar with the feeling that your body is just plain FAILING at the thing that is supposed to be natural.
Second: I would highly recommend a doula. Statistically, women giving birth with a doula who is familiar with positioning techniques, massage, etc. are HALF as likely to end in c section. If the cost seems awful, just think about the cost of a c section vs. vbac and it’ll start to seem like a thrifty decision!
Third: you were treated terribly during your first birth. That, probably, far more than the actual fact of the section and the incison problems afterwards, contributed towards your overall bad memories and feelings of it being a bad experience. I so agree with the commenter above that it is possible to have a good c section experience. Never had one, but I know lots of people who breezed through the experience and found it, by some accounts, to be EASIER than vaginal birth. It’s not what I’d desire either- it’s SURGERY and so it seems scary and risky to me and to be avoided if possible- but if your birth does end that way, just know that if you have a birthing team on YOUR side and supporting you, it’ll probably go much more smoothly. And you can bring that doula right in the operating room too and she can kick some ASS if anyone disregards a single thing you say!
Okay I am unlurking and it may make some people angry, please believe that is not my intention. How is medical intervention in the birth of your baby different from the medical intervention you recieved to help concieve your baby?
I am admittedly biased, as an American living in the UK, where most births are midwife-led and do not involve doctors unless something goes wrong. The c-section rate is rising rapidly here, which is disappointing. I think everyone would acknowledge that there are times in which c-sections are the best option, but my perception is that it is pushed a bit too often against the woman’s best interests.
In response to Heather – I can’t speak for Erica, but as someone who conceived her child through IVF then had a drug-free, natural labour, there is a huge difference. Assisted conception is YOUR choice – I was never pushed or advised to do something I didn’t think would suit me. However, quite often, for whatever reason, women are pressured in the birthing process to proceed in a way which may go against what they wanted. Additionally, IVF was relatively easy for me physically. Post-csection recovery is dreadful by all accounts, so that for me is a huge difference!
Going back to birth plans and such, my view is that flexibility is of vital importance. It’s great to have an idea of what you want, but as birth is so unpredictable it sucks when the plans go awry and you beat yourself up over it for years. Easier than said, I know!
xo girlie-you rock and I know you will kick some ass at the hospital if they try anything you don’t like. Make sure Gerald is on the same page you are with all of this.
xo
I love this Erica. I love that you are willing to try to get the birth that you want this time too. And it’s good to have a little faith that doctors are there when needed. But I totally agree, we know our bodies and our bodies know how to birth babies.
I hope that you get everything that you want with this delivery.