Comments on: Troublesome

By: the new girl

the new girl — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 03:19:45 +0000

I think it’s a combination of acting out (reacting to schedule change,) normal developmental behavior and the IMPENDING change…I’m sure she’s feeling it on some level. I know my kid did. I think putting out some empathy might help (on a weekend day when things are calm, or after a time out, etc), that you know it’s hard to have mommy gone so much, that it’s hard to have things change and you know it. That kind of thing helped my girl after her brother was born. To be able to verbalize that sometimes it sucks to have a little brother and that it’s okay to say it and feel it, seemed to do her good. Just a thought.

Oh, and I agree that you have to stay with the discipline program. There is testing to see if you will and if you do stay with it, it will be easier and better for Maddie in the long run.

By: Jodi

Jodi — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 04:35:30 +0000

Have you tried spending some “girl time” with her after you get home? Pick an activity/game/etc. that you both enjoy and make it your giggly girl time as soon as you get home. A good 15-30 minutes of just the two of you. That way she gets some undivided mommy attention right away and then the rest of the evening should go peacefully.

By: Amiyrah

Amiyrah — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 02:19:19 +0000

I totally agree with Jess. As hard as it is to do, ignoring the behavior seems to work best for the mamas. The Dads get to be the “big bad wolves,” confront the behavior, and get excellent results from it. Yet another penis and vagina difference that we have to experience in life. My boy starting lashing out when he went to school and spent whole days away from me. He was learning from the other kids how to be a douche-bag to adults and thought he could do it at home with us. Hubby put a stop to it (when it pertained to him and our boy) within 2 days. Because my son and I have the same temper, we’re still fighting it out. BUT, it recently got worse with the announcement of our next arrival. Now, to curb my hormones and not get too upset, I ignore him. Completely. By the second hour that he’s home, he calms his ass down and starts with the kisses. Kids, like all other human beings, hate to be ignored.

By: Tina

Tina — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 02:07:16 +0000

That brings back some memories. When my kids were little they went through stages of brattiness. I usually gave them time outs. They had to sit on a special chair in the kitchen and I would turn the oven timer on. To be honest, some times it worked and sometimes it didn’t. I also admit to a few spankings here and there…that of course hurt me more than them.

She really is at that age when talking is becoming so normal that experimenting with just what she can say and get away with is always worth a try. I think letting her know what is permissable and what is not will just help her form her everyday life behaviours.

Good luck! She will grow out of it and before you know it she’ll be a teenager!

By: Lauren

Lauren — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 00:01:27 +0000

This sounds like the perfect storm, Erica – new baby on the way, major change in routine, BEING THREE YEARS OLD….

I tend to agree with other posters that being consistent with consequences for bad behavior, an extra hug or two and a deep breath will help things along. I completely understand how you described feeling though – I have been there!

Along the not so helpful advice line, my daughter was superbrat for most of the threes, but I kid you not one day we woke up and it was like a switch had flipped and she starting acting like a normal human being. It will get better….hang in there!!

By: Penny

Penny — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 18:47:47 +0000

She may be doing it in part because she sees other kids in her daycare class (assuming a group sitch?) act that way.

Otherwise, it’s a phase, and there’s no other way to go then to be consistent with the consequences, and as calm and upbeat about it as possible. She may just be stressed a bit from the change and waits to let her hair down until you arrive. It’s kind of flattering, in a way.

In any case, I’m right there with you. My daughter goes through cycles of this, it seems like.

By: Jean

Jean — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:48:36 +0000

It’s the stale candy syndrome. Kids would rather have fresh candy (positive attention), but will take stale candy (attention from poor behavior guaranteed to get your attention) if that’s all they think is available.

Positive reinforcement for good attitude, ignore when the attitude sucks. For my money, there’s no way to give any kind of attention to bad behavior without reinforcing that the action creates the result she’s looking for.

I used to come home, change clothes and sit with the boys and read a book or talk about THEIR day (when they were old enough to share). If they acted up, and they did at first, I closed the book and went on about my business. Of course, they’d follow me around, whining and bitching. I acted like I didn’t hear them until they changed their tone of voice. Took a few times before they understood that the bad behavior got them NO ATTENTION from me at all.

Kids are smart. They learn fast. Unfortunately, they learn the bad just as fast as the good. You’ll figure it out! And this is the perfect time to get a routine like this started, before the baby come, you know?

By: Jenna

Jenna — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:50:54 +0000

Yep. I agree with pretty much everyone else. Standard behavior. Give her tons of attention for EVERYTHING good you can think of (I’m talking crazy ANYTHING remotely positive she is doing: “Oh Honey! I see you walking toward me! I’m happy to see you!”) and then ignoring the rest with a “Mommy doesn’t respond to whining/tantrums/screaming/etc.. When you’re calm, I’d love to talk to you.” and walking away. As soon as she calms down, give her attention.

Well, that’s my assvice. Zoe had a hard time transitioning back to school after the break and we’ve had to go back to a LOT of ignoring the bad stuff (“Don’t engage the beast” is our motto) and giving attention for anything remotely positive she does.

By: Jen B

Jen B — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:31:28 +0000

OK, we sometimes experience similar issues with our 18 month old. He’s an angel at daycare and then melts down at home. I read that it’s because he feels “safe” around us and lets out all his emotions from the day. Sooo, maybe she’s holding everything in and then lets everything out for you and you only.

By: Tess

Tess — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 14:04:39 +0000

This sounds like pretty standard 3-yr-old behavior to me, and also pretty typical for that time of DAY, if that makes sense. I think in particular kids who go to daycare tend to melt down more in the 5-8 hours.

This is really hard, and also a really common WOH mom complaint, I think. It’s really unfair to feel like we only spend the WORST part of our kids’ day with them.