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Pardon me while I feel sorry for myself
December 3rd, 2009
This morning when Maddie realized she had to poop, she started crying and begging for a diaper. I praised her lavishly for not going in her underpants and sat her on the potty. We sat there for a half an hour and she broke down and started hysterically begging for a diaper. I tried EVERYTHING I could think of to help her calm down and relax. I promised her a Blow Pop. A car. $100. Nothing helped. I finally gave up and put her in a diaper.
Then she wanted to watch Nemo for the 11th kajillion time. THIS time, she decides to notice that Nemo’s mom is suddenly gone and wants to know EXACTLY what happened to her. So, not only is she scarred for life by my attempt at potty training, now she’s upset about Coral being gone forever.
Parenthood: When every choice you can possibly make is wrong. Fuck saving for college. Start saving for therapy.
test Filed under maddie, where do I come up with this stuff? | Comments (12)12 Responses to “Pardon me while I feel sorry for myself”
Love your blog, found you through Donna. I just wanted to say that what helped us out was putting the undies on under the diaper. Then she can feel that she’s wet and it’s not such a mess for you. Doesn’t help with the poop but thought you might like to try it. Good luck! It’s an uphill battle.
I was the same way with the pooping. Apparently I was scared to do it. And my mom just powered through. She put me on the toilet and stayed with me there while I screamed and cried for ages. Finally I just went and then after that I was potty trained. I mean, according to her. I don’t remember this at all. The point being a) she’ll get used to it eventually, and b) she won’t remember the trauma later.
Pooping is SCARY. I don’t have any idea how to make it not be. Smooches!!
I have no advice because I’m not even trying yet. But I’m thinking of you.
Sounds like she’s not quite ready for the potty. Don’t sweat it; it’s really not a big deal. She’ll do it when she’s ready or when the reward overcomes the fear. For one of mine, it was telling her that the preschool had a rule that the kids in the three’s class had to go on the potty. She really really wanted to go to preschool, so she started going on the potty. For another, once she showed an interest in the potty and it was obvious she had bladder control (as it seems Maddie does), we used M&Ms. The others I don’t remember, but in any case, they all eventually did it. I subscribe to the whatever works philosophy along with the whenever they pretty much do it themselves with minimal effort on my part philosophy. I do think, however, that if you really want her to do it, an external reason (like the preschool one) helps a lot. Then it becomes less about who’s in control (unfortunately potty training tends to happen right around when toddlers are becoming mini control freaks) and more about doing it to accomplish a desired goal. Good luck!
Ha ha ha! I am totally waiting to actively train Eli until he’s like, headed for kindergarten.
No, seriously, pooping is scary. I totally remember that the whole family had to join in on helping my youngest sister overcome her fear of pooping on the potty. No joke- we’d all INVITE HER TO JOIN US while we went, and then rave on and on about how much BETTER we felt now!
And she still ended up having to be bribed with quarters.
When Syd (now 6) potty trained, she got the pee part down pretty quickly, but I remember that it took about a month for her to get over the whole poo thing. She’d wait for a diaper (nap time, bed time) or just hold it in so that she got constipated, it hurt when it finally did come out and then she was even more scared. Sucked big time. We just had to wait it out and bring her in there with us when we pooped (so gross – never thought I’d do a little dance and get excited about my own poop). Now Liam? One huge battle – poo and pee. I’m beyond frustrated with him. But that’s another story.
When I potty trained my two, all they wore was a shirt. No pull-up pants or diaper or anything. Just bare bottomed. I had them sit on the potty every chance I could, lol. I think a couple of times it came out on the floor and they were surprised but I just said next time we’ll do it in the potty. And they got pretty excited about that. Took one long weekend each time; we didn’t go anywhere, just stayed home doing Naked Time until they figured it out. But they were two, not three, and they didn’t have a history of not liking the process. Still, it might be worth a try, maybe? Just a thought! Trying to be helpful here. Every child is different. Regardless, she’ll figure it out eventually.
I think, along with the therapy fund, we should all keep journals for the future therapists. It will save us cash in the long run, because the therapist can just look through all the neatly-dated fuck-up we put our kids through and get right down to business. Example, for today you could write: “Dec 3 2009:Tried to make Maddie poop on the potty while she wailed and begged for a diaper. Later explained death to her.”
My own children’s journals neatly chronicle all the times they’ve walked in on us having sex, among other things.
Delurking to say:
Potty training is sucky. whine all you want.
Love the therapy journal, now that’s funny.
In my old job, we helped many a parent off the potty training ledge. Consistency is the key. Like Amber said, take a long weekend and do nothing else. However, be consistent with when/where/how/why so she knows what to expect each time.
Also, she sounds like she’s a smarty who is going to out-think you at any chance. (:-D Lucky you.
Oh, and if you do the reward kind of potty training, it is an unspoken rule that Mommy gets a reward too. hahahhaa
Ooooh, yea. Not looking forward to the day that my daughter starts asking the Coral question.
We gave M the choice of the potty in those situations, but setup bribes BEFORE she had to go for going in the potty. For us, on the potty bribes never worked, just the ones we built up for.