Comments are closed.
Moral Dilemma
November 5th, 2009
I can’t remember if I told you, but Gerald and I have decided that I should go back to work full-time until the baby arrives. We’ve got some debt that we’d like to take care of and we’d like to fluff up our savings. You can never have too much money when there’s a new baby, right? Anyhow, this leads me to my Moral Dilemma.
I have an interview tomorrow for a position that seems ideally suited to my skills and I hope to be offered the position. But, let’s be honest, they wouldn’t be thrilled to learn that I’m 10 weeks pregnant and planning on only working for the next seven months. So, when am I supposed to tell them that I’m pregnant? My thinking is that it’s early enough that I don’t need to tell them before I’m offered the job (or any job, for that matter). I can legitimately wait until the second trimester to say anything because there are a lot of women who choose to do that, right? Or, should I tell them when I’m offered the position? They can’t legally withdrawal the offer based on my pregnancy, so that might be the ideal time. I don’t want to deliberately mislead a new employer, but let’s face it, I’m going to have to. At this point my pregnancy is a liability to me getting hired, and I really need to be hired.
Can any of you offer some advice?
test Filed under daily, knocked up | Comments (22)22 Responses to “Moral Dilemma”
I would probably tell them after you have been offered a position, because who knows after this baby arrives you may be able to/or even want to continue on a more limited basis.
good luck with whatever you decide.
OOh! I jsut saw a long thread weighing the options on this on a local parenting board. I’ll dig it up and e-mail you.
You are under no obligation to tell them until you want to!
Agree with all the above. Additionally, I think it’s illegal for them to not offer you a job based on just your pregnancy.
I like what Devan says. To tell you the truth, I was interviewing a while back, I was completely qualified, maybe even a tad over qualified. They were very interested, calling me, asking salary requirements, they even changed the title of the position and who I would report to based on my concern that it was a lateral move, and such. Until at some point the conversation drifted toward availability and I mentioned having to leave at a certain time everyday to pick up my child at daycare. At first they were, well what about once per quarter during close (I am a CPA), and I spoke with my husband and the one relative in town about being able to work later into the evenings (like 6 p.m. and beyond) and we all thought we could swing it. So I called them back and they were all oh, okay, we’ll be in touch. Then they finally called back like a week later and said they really needed every day availability from 8 – 6 p.m. I told them I wasn’t interested if they couldn’t be flexible (note that I had said I would be more than happy to continue working later in the evening if there was an urgent project and though I needed to leave at a certain time, I was not the type ot clock in and out).
So anyway, based on that experience, I will only ever give an employer enough information to have them know I am capable of doing the job.
And though you may be right now only planning to work the next seven months, you may very well change your mind or something else could come up that would cause you to have to continue working. You can’t predict the future.
Sorry for the comment highjacking…but I wanted to share what I have learned. Best of luck!
I would wait until you are offered the position, but maybe not telling them at that exact moment so it doesn’t seem as if you were intentionally keeping something from them. Many, many people wait until the second trimester to start telling people.
Also, just because you’re having a baby in seven months doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t go back to work. I mean, YOU may know that, but they don’t really need to know that.
You are under no obligation to tell them until you are ready. Since you are only 9 weeks, I’d wait until after you’ve been there a few weeks or a month before mentioning it. They don’t need to know that YOU even knew at the time of hiring. Lots of people don’t know at 9 weeks. (Really. I work in the biz, and I talk to MANY normal, responsible women who don’t realize until much later).
Yep, I would not say anything until after you have started the position. If you tell them now they will probably not offer you the position and you won’t ever be able to prove it’s because you are pregnant (because it’s illegal to base a hiring decision on that)
Plus you might really love it and want to find a way to work part time after Behbeh arrives so don’t rush it. If you love them and they love you and it’s remotely possible, they’ll find a way to make it work.
Good luck!
I agree with the other commenters, get hired, take the job, then wait a while to tell them.
I planned to stay at my job after I had my baby (and I DID), and STILL I didn’t tell anyone at work until I was 18 weeks. It’s none of their goddamned business. People leave or stay at jobs for many, MANY reasons, and pregnancy is just one of them. I say wait as long as you can to tell.
Bah. This topic makes me cranky, especially reading comments like Jen’s. I am so sorry that happened to you, but I can totally, TOTALLY see it, especially in our business.
Oh, this is so tricky! I think I most agree with Tess.
It depends on what you are looking for in the job. If you want to negotiate any kind of paid leave or being eligible for benefits, health insurance, etc. through the company while you are on maternity leave, you need to tell them when they offer you the job. If not, you can wait and tell them whenever you feel like it.
Definitely wait to tell. Even when I was employed, I didn’t tell until 17 wks. And you shouldn’t feel guilty or like you are “lying” about it either. It’s not like you are trying to con them into paying for your leave or something- it would be no different than if you took a job, but it wasn’t a good fit, or found something better in 6 months. The worst thing that happens to them is that they have to cover you or replace you- and that’s a pretty mild consequence. Look out for yourself first.
Don’t tell them.
I know you feel bad not telling them, but they aren’t legally allowed to consider it while making hiring decisions anyway, so really it should not be mentioned until the offer is made.
While I understand the legalities of the situation, I’d like to point out that you will have to work with these people as well. How and when you tell them, regardless of the legal side of the equation, WILL impact your every day relationship with them. You want to enjoy working there. Personally, I’d wait some time before mentioning it.
Opinion coming in for a landing: I’d wait if I were you, especially since it’s so early.
When we moved to SoCal, I was 2 months pregnant with Zoe. I got a job as a Pilates Trainer and didn’t mention the fact that I was pregnant and thinking about quitting by my ninth month.
Got the job. Told the boss when I was 3 months pregnant and was vague about whether I would come back to work or not. Boss became my friend. Told me that she might not have hired me had she known I would quit 6 months later and we had a good laugh about it. I went back eventually so it all worked out fine for everyone.
(Oh, but then I moved away, which pissed her off/made her sad!)
You do not need to tell them until you are ready. I would wait until after you’ve been offered the job and have been there a few weeks. Who knows? You may decide, for a variety of reasons, to go back after maternity leave. Full-time, part-time, whatever.
Plus, you aren’t obligated to make life easier for your employer. You do a job for them, that’s it. You owe them nothing from the rest of your life. They would replace/layoff you in a heartbeat if they need to, right? So, prioritize you and your family.
I found out that I was pregnant between the time that I was offered the position and when I actually started. So I waited to tell them after I’d started. No big deal. Definitely wait until after you’ve been offered the position or after you start!
Don’t say anything. TX is a right to work state. You have the right to work as long as they are pleased enough to keep you emplopyed. When it’s obvious answer any inquiries truthfully. Indicate that your future is dependent on “how things turn out”. No one needs to know anything else. And hey – its coat weather soon – just wear a long-ish style jacket everyday. I got away with this until I was about 6 months pregnant.
pretty sure you just did tell them