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Of course you know this means war
October 18th, 2009
Maddie was sent to bed two hours early and without any supper tonight. I feel terrible about it. Not because we did it, but because it came to that. Wait. Let me give you some back story.
I was a wicked picky eater as a kid. I wouldn’t even taste something before announcing that I didn’t like it. The way my parents chose to deal with the situation was to force me to stay at the table until I ate everything on my plate. No amount of whining or tears furthered my case. There was one very traumatic meal of meatloaf and stuffing (still my most hated foods, fyi) that saw me at the table at 2:00 in the morning. It was absolutely horrible.
Gerald has been obsessed with concerned about Maddie following in my footsteps since before she was even born. We formulated a plan before she was even eating solids. She always has to take one bite of her meal. If she decides not to eat it, that’s fine but she doesn’t get anything else. I don’t care how many times she whines “I’m hungry!” She’s always told that perhaps she should’ve eaten her dinner. This plan has worked out well so far. Once she takes her one bite, she realizes she likes whatever it is and eats most of it.
The problem isn’t that Maddie’s picky, but she is as stubborn as a mule. She’s chosen dinner time to be her battle ground. She employs every power play and manipulative trick she can come up with. Lately, she’s been refusing to even take one bite. We’ve begun to threaten that she’ll have to go straight to bed without any TV or stories if she refused. Tonight, she called our bluff.
So, I put her to bed at 5:20 with her typical sippy cup of milk. Right now, I can hear her over the monitor talking about how she didn’t listen and got in trouble. She also called herself a bad girl, but we certainly don’t call her that. (We do, however, say it to the dog.) I know she’s testing limits and pushing boundaries and learning consequences, but damn it, can’t she pick something else? I already hate dealing with dinner as it is; the planning , the cooking, the cleaning up. Now I can’t even enjoy the eating.
test Filed under maddie | Comments (8)8 Responses to “Of course you know this means war”
If it makes you feel any better, our biggest food struggle with L. is at dinner as well. We do the same as you – “You eat what we eat or you don’t eat.” He hasn’t starved yet. But it truly is a PITA. My sympathies.
You are doing the right thing. Bribing, yelling, negotiating just don’t work. You calmly explained the consequences and she chose to not eat. Her actions have consequences. One missed dinner won’t hurt her. But she’ll learn the lesson.
Dinner is our biggest battle of the day and according to the pediatrician, pretty typical since they’ve been eating all day and can absolutely afford to go without food. I, like you, refuse to fight about it. He either eats or he doesn’t, end of story. I’ve never once made a replacement meal, although I do feel absolutely sick about throwing full plates of food away.
We are having similar battles. We only make exceptions when we eat spicy food, since she can do some, but not all. However, we still like her to try it if is only marginally spicy.
So far, no skipped meals, but very nearly cut short for being snotty and not listening or having basic manners (no spitting, no leaving the table in the middle)
I think part of what I struggle with is that I never want her to have any of the issues I have with food. Hopefully she got her dad’s genes on that, so it won’t be the issue it is for me, and I don’t want to project my struggles on her, but I also don’t want to make any mistakes.
Sometimes, being the adult in the situation sucks.
kudos to you. doing what’s right for our kids doesn’t always make us feel ilke we are doing it right. This will speak volumes to her on follow through. Had you not done that she would have realized that you are all talk. It know its hard but it will get better ((hugs))
Dinnertime is periodically tense for us as well. We’ve taken a no-fuss solution ourselves, which is along the same lines: eat what’s there or don’t eat.
The first time E went to bed without food I was nervous, but now I am perfectly fine with sending my child to bed without eating. She never seems worse for the wear and it’s not as though she’s going to starve, not even a little bit. The alternative is caving and that seems hellish to correct.
Ugh! We are experiencing the same sort of hell around here. I now dread every day at 5:00 b/c it starts with the dinner dance and goes downhill from there. I just wrote a whole long comment here, but rather than hijack your comments, I guess I’ll go blog it.
Smooches!
We just had our first fight about dinner. The Boy was tired, cranky and wanted a cupcake, not chicken and dumplings. He threw a fit and went to bed without dinner. I don’t care if he eats, but I want him to learn how to be polite and sociable at a dinner table, even if he doesn’t like or want the food.