“With toys!”

We told Maddie about the baby growing in my tummy and that she’s going to be a big sister. Her reaction has been a little different from what I expected. She keeps talking about “when the baby comes out with toys!” and “when the baby is done growing and it comes out with balls!” At this point, I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a giant pinata. She’d better not come at me with a stick, that’s all I got to say.

Also, I’m finding that I’m having a hard time with the prospect of getting bigger. I’m a little bloated right now and I’m obsessed with how far out my belly is pooching. My new (SIZE! MEDIUM!) jammies are a little snug in the waist and it makes me so sad. After spending the last 14 months watching myself get smaller, I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that it’s ok for me to get bigger. This is the first time in my life that I’m allowed supposed to gain weight. My bariatric surgeon was telling me that gaining 25 -30 pounds was healthy during pregnancy and in my head I kept saying “Oh hell no! I’m going to gain as little as possible!” Then he started talking about how important it is for my OB to watch the baby’s growth for any signs of slowing due to malnutrition on my part. You’d think that would have scared the bejebus out of me and made me realize that I HAD to gain weight with this pregnancy so my baby would be healthy… and you’d be wrong. While I’m eating well and NOT dieting, I’m still fretting over the inevitable. How sad is that? Sad AND selfish.

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