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Tales from the kitchen
August 16th, 2009
* She’s an older lady who sits at the bar, chain smoking and reading paperbacks for the better part of the day. She’s either got coffee or a beer in front of her at all times. Her daughter and grandkids moved in with her and she spends most of her days at The Restaurant avoiding them. We share a love of thrillers and exchanged books this afternoon. That gal is a pistol.
* He’s old as dirt and impossible to please. He’s a millionaire and doesn’t tip for shit. We fight amongst ourselves to see who’s going to wait on him. So far, I’ve never lost.
* We don’t spit in your food. EVER.
* We do, however, talk shit about you. A LOT.
* When you treat us well, we remember you and will go out of our way to make you happy.
* When you disrespect us, we sometimes cry in the kitchen.
* That coffee? It’s not fresh. We just microwaved it to make it hot. It’s from 8 hours ago.
test Filed under The Restaurant | Comments (13)13 Responses to “Tales from the kitchen”
Hm. This makes me glad I don’t drink coffee.
Oh boy, this brings me back. I do think everyone should be a waiter/waitress at some point if only to learn just how hard it is and just how respectful customers should be.
Love it! I never knew anyone who spit in food either, and our coffee was NEVER fresh. One pot lasted the whole day.
OMG, is that old lady going to be us in the future? If so, I hope I get someone as fabulous as you nearby.
Too funy! I look forward to the day I can be an “older lady” I have decided to be as tacky and raunchy as I possibly can…think Sophia and Blanche from Golden Girls all rolled into one. Can’t wait to read more on the restaurant adventures.
Thanks for the welcome even though I was overreacting in my last comment!
I don’t know why anyone at your Restaurant would order coffee anyway.
Love the story of the old lady. If you get the old man, go ahead and spit in his food.
I had no idea about the microwaved coffee. That’s almost WORSE than spitting in food.
Ok, now I miss waitressing again! It is HARD FUCKING WORK but man, it is good work, too, isn’t it?
P.S. PLEASE recommend some good thrillers to read! Now that I can concentrate, I can actually read a bit a day that isn’t related to The Thesis! Please! I am desperate!
I’m proud to say we’re awesome customers. We tip hard, we’re polite and we’re funny. Staff loves us wherever we go and we get to know everyone at our favorite restaurants by name. We even compliment them to the manager/owner whenever we get the chance.
I don’t know why more people don’t do this. just a simple “please” or “thank you”, smiling, saying you understand when they get slammed; it costs very little and reaps great rewards.
Glad you are enjoying waitressing.
It’s always looked fun to me and I have friends that do it and love it. 
I try to be nice all the time for fear of my food being spat upon (or worse!) Glad to hear that YOU guys don’t do that!
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes and Yes. I totally know what you’re talking about. Keep these tales coming, they’re bringing me back!
I would have NEVER tolerated ANYONE spitting in food. I used to heckle the cooks who tried to pass off shit that they dropped off the plates and I once knocked two busboys heads together for throwing a loaf of italian bread like it was a football. Ugh.
We always had fresh coffee but it was because lots of people ordered it. (Plus, the waitstaff drank it like mofos.)
After a good long time waitressing, I trained my grandparents to tip 20% (instead of the geriatric 10% or whatever the hell.) To this day, he credits this advice with how well-loved he is with all the waitstaff of my hometown.
Damn straight.