All Dressed Up

If a certain person worked at a certain Workplace that allowed her to blog about all the shit they’re putting her through, then that person might have something to post about tonight. You know, hypothetically speaking.

AnyHOW, let’s talk about BlogHer. Shelly and I have been burning up the internets with our email correspondence regarding All Things BlogHer. The current item being discussed is Packing. Here’s the sitch: We’re both flying American Airlines which has that douche baggity policy about charging $25 for each checked bag each way. So, basically it’s $50 in addition to the ticket price in order to bring a piece of luggage bigger than a pair of underwear and toiletries that aren’t ziplocked and precisely three ounces and NOT A DROP MORE. GAH! In order to avoid the douche baggity TSA restrictions you have to pay the douche baggity fee! These airlines sure are DOUCHE BAGS. (Ahem. I’m fine now, really.) We’ve been told that there’s quite a bit of crap swag given out at BlogHer and that we might even want some of it. They advise bringing a good-sized suitcase and packing lightly to leave room to cart all your ill-gotten-gains home. Well, I don’t know about you, but if I was going to a huge four day long party with some of the coolest people I’ve never met, I wouldn’t choose to go the “packing lightly” route. I’m going to want options, people. I can’t be there with very few clothes and then see what other people are wearing and NOT have the option of changing! I mean, what are we? Amish? I figure I can deal with the bullshit TSA rules and cram my stuff into a carry-on, but that ain’t gonna leave me room for swag, you know what I’m sayin?

Shelly had the brilliant idea to, you know, ask someone who’s actually been to BlogHer before. This person’s advice was to pack a carry-on and include a duffel bag in the carry-on. That way, we have something to cart home swag in and would only have to pay the $25 on the return flight. GENIUS! Why in the hell couldn’t we think of that on our own??? Probably because our brains are addled with thoughts like: OMGIcan’t believeIgettomeet… andwhatwillIwear… andwhatifnoonetalkstome… whatifIgetlost… whatif… whatif… etc, etc, etc. (Say that last part like you’re the King of Siam, please.)

Meanwhile, Gerald’s going out of town next week, so it’s going to be me and Maddie for five whole days. ALONE. Anyone want in on the over/under for when I snap and list her on eBay? “Gently Used Toddler Girl – only slightly assholish. $.99 No Reserve.”