Today = Horrible

I’ve canceled today’s post on account of today being shitty.

I’ll be back tomorrow with your regularly scheduled exciting, witty and irreverent banter.

FAIL

So I failed to post this weekend. Whatev. I was too busy living my life, you know? Anyhow, it’s Monday and I’m slowing losing the will to live once again. Aren’t you glad I choose to share that with you and keep the fun stuff all to myself? I’m a giver, what can I say?

I have to brag for a minute… I recently discovered that Dawn Grace has only booked ONE appointment for a BlogHer attendee for the weekend of the conference. Can you guess who it is?? That’s right! ME! I’m the only BlogHer attendee that she’s tattooing the whole weekend. There are quite a few ticked off ladies out there, but I ain’t one of them. Also, the parlor she works in is offering 20% off of tattoos. WIN!

Let’s see… what else? I’m going to attempt to take Maddie to see the fireworks on Friday night. The downside is that they don’t start until 8:30/9:00 and she’s normally in bed by 7:00 or 7:30. I’m hoping a late afternoon nap will get us through. I betting she’ll be stoked about it not in a bad mood. We’re going to try it and if she melts down, well then we’ll just come home. No harm no foul. I’m trying to be low-key about it.

I’m also thinking of taking her to a water park this week since Gerald will be out of town. I thought we’d do something special, just the two of us. Score one for my bravery in wearing a bathing suit in public though, right? I may look like a half-melted candle, but I’m taking my little girl swimming, damn it!

New Look

Those of you who read me via RSS, stop on by for reals. I’ve FINALLY decided on a new look and got all my html where I wanted it to be.

Of course, a big shout out to my geeky man. Thank you for all your help, babe. Just one more thing… which key is “enter?”

Calling all waitstaff!

Have you ever waited tables for a living? Even if it was in college or whatev. If you have, would you please email me? I have some questions for you.

erica @ andnoplacetogo dot com

xxoo!

Shit! I’d better post!

I was planning on unveiling a new look around on the ol’ blog tonight, but Gerald is too busy to help me with installing the themes I want to try out. WordPress is so unbelievably retarded when it comes to upgrading or installing themes. Those of you who use it know what I’m talkin’ about, right?

Anyhow, so there’s no real post tonight. Excuses, excuses.

Oh! And the news that I had my first bi-annual exam with the Breast Cancer Risk Assessment High-Risk team. I’ve got the all-clear for the next six months and then we’ll do it again. The program consists of a clinical exam, mammo, and mri every six months. I’m feeling pretty good about my odds of having anything suspicious identified early on.

Anyhow, tomorrow will be filled with searching for new themes and editing of html. See you on the flip side.

Hypothetically Speaking, Of Course

If a certain person worked at a certain Workplace that allowed her to blog about all the shit they’re putting her through, then that person might have something to post about tonight. You know, hypothetically speaking.

AnyHOW, let’s talk about BlogHer. Shelly and I have been burning up the internets with our email correspondence regarding All Things BlogHer. The current item being discussed is Packing. Here’s the sitch: We’re both flying American Airlines which has that douche baggity policy about charging $25 for each checked bag each way. So, basically it’s $50 in addition to the ticket price in order to bring a piece of luggage bigger than a pair of underwear and toiletries that aren’t ziplocked and precisely three ounces and NOT A DROP MORE. GAH! In order to avoid the douche baggity TSA restrictions you have to pay the douche baggity fee! These airlines sure are DOUCHE BAGS. (Ahem. I’m fine now, really.) We’ve been told that there’s quite a bit of crap swag given out at BlogHer and that we might even want some of it. They advise bringing a good-sized suitcase and packing lightly to leave room to cart all your ill-gotten-gains home. Well, I don’t know about you, but if I was going to a huge four day long party with some of the coolest people I’ve never met, I wouldn’t choose to go the “packing lightly” route. I’m going to want options, people. I can’t be there with very few clothes and then see what other people are wearing and NOT have the option of changing! I mean, what are we? Amish? I figure I can deal with the bullshit TSA rules and cram my stuff into a carry-on, but that ain’t gonna leave me room for swag, you know what I’m sayin?

Shelly had the brilliant idea to, you know, ask someone who’s actually been to BlogHer before. This person’s advice was to pack a carry-on and include a duffel bag in the carry-on. That way, we have something to cart home swag in and would only have to pay the $25 on the return flight. GENIUS! Why in the hell couldn’t we think of that on our own??? Probably because our brains are addled with thoughts like: OMGIcan’t believeIgettomeet… andwhatwillIwear… andwhatifnoonetalkstome… whatifIgetlost… whatif… whatif… etc, etc, etc. (Say that last part like you’re the King of Siam, please.)

Meanwhile, Gerald’s going out of town next week, so it’s going to be me and Maddie for five whole days. ALONE. Anyone want in on the over/under for when I snap and list her on eBay? “Gently Used Toddler Girl – only slightly assholish. $.99 No Reserve.”

Day Two and I’m Already Panicky

I was going to post pictures of the delightful “hamburgers” I made for Father’s Day using a Bakerella recipe. However, my camera is ALL THE WAY in my room and I’m ALL THE WAY in the living room. I think we can all agree that’s simply too much effort on my part. You will have to wait until I’m not quite so effing lazy tomorrow.

The Workplace sitch has settled down some, but is still unacceptable. I’m taking each day as it comes and trying not to get too wrapped up in the future. So far it’s helping. Well, that and the z0loft, but whatev.

Future baby plans are in the works. And by that, I mean I’m planning and talking about it non-stop and Gerald just sort of avoids it like the plague. That bodes well, right? Anyhow, I’m “legally” able to get pregnant next month as I’ll be one year post-op from my bypass, but I’ve got to wean off of the aforementioned z0loft before any baby-making attempts can be made. Apparently, modern science has not found a way to make anti-crazy pills safe for pregnant women. I’m thinking they need to be working on that. I’m at my all time Crazy High when pregnant or post-partum. I’m hoping to be able to nurse the next baby since I didn’t have the chance to nurse Maddie, but if Teh Crazys are as bad as it was last go ’round, then I’m all for going with formula and a side of z0loft for Mommy.

In regard to my eating habits, I’m happy to report that today was a good day. I haven’t eaten anything “bad” or had anything in excess. To be honest, though, that’s fairly typical of any work day. I sort of fall apart between Maddie’s bedtime and my bedtime. Here’s hoping that I’m strong tonight.

More ambitious than I ought to be

With BlogHer only 30 days away (SQUEEEEEE!!!!), I’ve decided to set a goal of posting every day until then. I seem to have fallen out of love with my blog and I’m hoping that spending some quality time together will bring back the spark.

That being said, I make no claims to publishing actual interesting content. My goal is to post. Not to post well.

Item the 1st: Why is it that motorcycle drivers/riders ALWAYS acknowledge each other on the road? I’ve seen a motorcyclist on one side of the highway raise a hand in some sort of half-assed wave to other motorcyclists on the OTHER side of the highway traveling in the OPPOSITE direction. I mean, I understand the whole “acknowledging a member of your particular tribe” thing, but really? I don’t wave to everyone else driving a minivan. I don’t wave to other mothers pushing their kids around in carts at Target. (You know, unless I know them or whatev.) I don’t give a shout out to every other person with visible tattoos, either. So what’s the deal with motorcyclists? Do any of you ride/drive a motorcycle? Can you PLEASE clue me in? This is driving me batshit crazy. Thank you.

Item the 2nd: My weight loss has stalled. Now, when I say stalled you may get the idea that I’m working diligently to lose weight by exercising and eating healthfully. And you’d be wrong. I’m pretty much eating like crap and not moving unless it’s absolutely necessary… and not always then. I really need a swift kick in the ass. Feel free to leave one for me in the comments. Bonus points if you throw in guilt about not setting a good example for/not being around a long time for Maddie.

Item the last: My “business” cards for BlogHer arrived today. I. Am. So. Effing. Excited.

Obligatory Father’s Day Post

Gerald,

I try my best to make sure you feel loved and appreciated every day, but since it’s Father’s Day, I’ll exert a little extra effort. But you owe me.

Thank you for working so tirelessly for the last two years to make sure our family has the kind of life that we do. Thank you for missing all those trips to the zoo or to the park because you had to work. Thank you for sacrificing time with us now so that we’ll have much more time together in the future.

Thank you for being a strong and loving father to Maddie. Thank you for playing “blast off!” and for trying in vain to give her pretty hairstyles and for reading Green Eggs and Ham and for singing Old MacDonald countless times. Thank you for playing Tea Party and drinking tea from tiny pink cups. Thank you for making sure Maddie knows how much you love her each and every day.

Gerald, you are a wonderful father and husband. Let’s have more babies. OK? OK!

< Insert Witty Title Here >

The Workplace drama is continuing to drain away my will to live unfold. Gerald and I had a State of the Union meeting on Wednesday night trying to decide what’s best for our family. The problem is that nothing seems to be best. Everything has pros and cons… I guess we need to figure out which pros we aren’t willing to live without and which cons we can deal with.

Maddie’s debut as a flowergirl last weekend went off without a hitch. She did exactly what she was supposed to do and charmed everyone. She totally gets that from me, you know.

Speaking of Maddie, she’s got Scarlet Fever. WTF? I always thought that was an old timey thing like Consumption or whatev. She’s doped up on ibuprofen for the double ear infection and sore throat, Benadryl for the itchy rash and Amoxicillan for the cooties. We’re watching more TV than we ought to and she’s whining more than I care for, but we’re surviving. (Speaking of toddler TV, what is it with Wubbzy? My kid loves that damn show more than she loves me. If our house was on fire and she had to choose between saving me or Wubbzy, she’d use me a step to reach Wubbzy.)

I find it ironic that as BlogHer gets closer, I’m blogging less and less. (I feel like I owe you an explanation or an excuse, but I don’t. Not really, right? I mean, I write when I write and you read when you read. We’re cool like that.) Anyhow, back to BlogHer. There’s local meetup this weekend for pre-BlogHer socializing. I’m planning on going, but if I wake up that morning with a raging case of Awk, forget it. I’m already nervous enough about meeting you guys, I don’t need the added stress of wondering whether or not the other bloggers are telling you exactly how Awk I was at the meetup. I’d prefer to spring the Awk on you when you’re all liquored up at the cocktail party. That way your recollection of having met me will be fuzzy at best and you’ll think I was perfectly charming.

Probably I’ve put WAY to much thought into this, right?