Mediocre Fact Friday!

* I’m not supposed to blog about The Workplace so I can’t go into details, but there was a massive reorg that fucked my shit up old school. Apparently, I’m deathly afraid of change and the unknown. And reorg = change + unknown. Therefore, I’m not a happy camper these days. I keep telling myself that it’s An Adventure! and that I ought to be Excited! So far, I’m not listening to myself.

* I’ve lost 120 lbs. This puts me 25 lbs over my doctor’s lowest goal for me. I don’t expect to get there without the benefit of plastic surgery. This flabbity flab must weigh at least 10 lbs, right? So, I’m calling it 15 lbs away from goal. I’d like to be there by BlogHer (55 days!) but I don’t think that’ll happen. Whatev. I’m totally not sweating it. I mean, I’m technically no longer obese and only 25 lbs overweight. I cannot remember the last time that statement was true. Honestly, I’m happy where I am. I’m not super skinny,  but I eat pretty much what I want to. I call that a fair trade.

* I’m having a girl’s day out with two of my bffs today. My bff Dr. H just graduated medical school so I’m taking her out for a pedis and eyebrow waxes and lunch. Then I’m seeing a movie with my bff A. I’m super excited to see my girls and to forget my troubles for a while.

* I took Maddie to the zoo last weekend to ride the train. Oh my. I thought she was going to stroke out from happiness. All she wanted to do was ride the train. She wasn’t interested in seeing any animals at all. Except the “mingos” because they’re on the way to the train station. She has a serious love affair going on with trains. I’m pretty sure she’d like me to arrange a marriage between her and Thomas.

* I’ve finally found the magic combination of self- tanning products that works perfectly for me. On the weekend, I give myself two coats of Banana Boat Airbrush Summer Color. Then, every other day during the week, I use the Jergens Natural Glow lotion to keep things from fading unevenly. It looks natural and not too dark. I’m super pleased with the lack of pasty white legs.

What’s my deal, anyway?

I think I’ve broken up with my blog or something. Lately, I just can’t muster up the “give a damn,” to well, give a damn. I can’t think of anything to post about or witty comments to leave on your blogs. I’ve just sort of lost my blogging mojo.

Maddie’s two-year-old-douchebaggery has escalated to heretofore unseen levels. We’re at douchebaggery alert orange here, people. I actually had to put her in her crib this afternoon so that we could all just chillthefuckout for a while. My god, EVERYTHING is such a BIG DEAL for her. And the crying and whining and demanding…. ugh. Needless to say, all efforts to conceive child #2 are on hold. I’m pretty sure my ovaries have packed their bags and are moving into an “adults only” community somewhere in Boca.

Work is good. There’s nothing like the dread of staying home with the aforementioned douchebaggy kid to make one appreciate one’s job. A bad day at work is still a picnic compared to a bad day at home.

To be fair, I should tell you that my kid is extraordinarily charming these days. She’s big into singing and putting on little shows. Old MacDonald and the ABCs are two of her signature pieces. I’m convinced this is a survival instinct on her part. Otherwise, her tiny hiney would be looking for a room to rent and a job.

I’m practically healed from last week’s Birthday Surgery Extravaganza. No pain so far, so I’m hoping things will settle down on the health front. Although, Gerald will be going through is own surgical gauntlet in a monthish, so there’s always HIS complications to look forward to.

Um, I guess this post perfectly illustrates why I ought not be posting. I’m kind of a grumpasaurus rex, huh?

quick post before the pain meds kick in:

I’m home and fine. (As long as we’re using “fine” to mean in pain, tired and bitchy, that is.) The surgeon didn’t find any twisted bowels or an internal hernia, so that’s awesome. He did, however, find a few adhesions and cut them out. He’s pretty sure they were causing my pain but at this point, we just have to wait and see.

He said there was a “small area of concern” on my liver, so he took a biopsy. My mom had a crappy liver and actually died from liver failure and complications from metastatic cancer. I didn’t know bum livers could run in families, but apparently they can and do. I go back to see him in two weeks and he should have the results by then.

The sucktastic part of the recovery is that I can’t lift Maddie at all. They say not for TWO WEEKS. Yeah, whatev. I didn’t lift her yesterday or today since Gerald was home with us, but he’s going back to work tomorrow. I can change her diaper on the floor and let her sit in a regular kitchen chair for meals so I don’t have to lift her up into her highchair, but I’ve got to lift her to put her to bed. I’m not about to teach her how to climb in and out of her crib. Oh hellz no! So, there will be some lifting, but I promise to make it as minimal as possible.

All right, I’m starting to feel loopy and I’m having trouble remembering how to spell words so I’m going back to bed.

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday love.  Going to be a great year!  Skinny, done with all the medical crap (Right?  Right!), going to BlogHer and all the other stuff later in the year, married to Orlando Bloom*.  Oh, well, can’t have everything but hopefully I’ll do for another go around ; )

Love you

* From Erica – This should say “Robert Pattinson. Orlando Bloom is SO 2002.

My Beautiful Mother

Happy Mother’s Day, mom. I love you as big as the sky.

Dude. Enough already.

So, I’ve got to have surgery on Wednesday. The Mysterious Pain in my abdomen hasn’t gone away and is now accompanied by elevated liver enzymes. Since CT scans haven’t revealed the problem, my surgeon feels it’s in my best interest to carve me like a Thanksgiving turkey go in and have a look around the joint. At this point, he thinks it may be either an internal hernia or a twisted bowel. Neither one sounds pleasant, but he assures me that should he find either one whilst wandering around my belly, he’ll be able to fix it right up.

On one hand, I’m feeling like perhaps I made a mistake having the bypass. I’ve lost a metric ass-load of weight, but I can’t stop having complications. I wanted to be healthier, not having THREE surgeries in nine months. GAH!

On the other hand, I look like this now, so perhaps it’s not such a bad deal after all. (My in-laws got me this dress for my birthday. I saw it at Christmas time and it was too expensive. She found ONE last dress and it was on sale. Notice the size. And yes, I can zip it all the way up AND still breathe, thankyouverymuch.)

Why I love Amazon.com

I am consistently impressed with the customer service I receive from Amazon. This latest experience, however, exceeded my wildest expectations.

My Kindle suddenly and inexplicably died on me. I tried a soft-reset, a hard reset and even removed the battery for a while. When my resuscitation efforts proved futile, I called customer service. I spoke with Angela S. and I relayed my previous efforts to revive my dead Kindle.

I’ll admit that I was prepared to come out swinging. I spent a lot of money buying two Kindles at once and I’ve spend AT LEAST a quarter of a million dollars* on books, and there was no way I was going accept a dead Kindle.

I needn’t have worried. Angela listened to my story and immediately offered to replace my beloved Kindle. She over-nighted it to me so that I wouldn’t die of withdrawals. None of this cost me a penny. When I questioned Angela by asking if it was really that easy, she assured me that it was. I thought to myself, “well, she talks a good talk, but we’ll see if a new Kindle actually shows up at my door.”

I’ve just finished unwrapping my new Kindle and packing up the old, dead one. I’m still a little stunned, to be honest. This was completely painless and yet ANOTHER example of exemplary customer service from Amazon.

I’ve posted this letter on my blog and I’ll be telling all of my friends and family about how great you are. Thank you for being such an awesome company, Amazon. I’ll be a devoted customer for life.

Erica

*Not an actual dollar amount, of course. But you get my point.

Friday Fun Facts – The Picking-Up-Where-We-Left-Off Edition

* I bought Maddie a xylophone at Target yesterday. She loves to make “meekick,” and I thought her little head would explode from happiness when she saw the xylophone. Apparently, I was only engaging the “fun mom who loves to make her kid happy” side of my brain. This morning, as she makes her “meekick,” I’m completely in touch with the “never buy your kid annoying toys, you idiot!” side of my brain. Sweet 8 pound 5 ounce baby Jesus, that toy is annoying.

* I’m finally on the mend from the Sinus Infection from Hell plus Pinkeye. It’s so nice to feel good again.

* Tomorrow morning, my bff from high school and I are roadtripping down to San Marcos. As my anniversary/mother’s day/birthday gift, Gerald gave me a trip to go shopping and spend the night in a hotel where there are NO XYLOPHONES. Also, there are clothes to buy!  Yay!

* Gerald’s parents will be here on Monday. His mom has to have surgery in Dallas, so they’ll be staying with us beforehand. We thought they were coming up last weekend, so we spend the entire weekend cleaning. They had to postpone the surgery, but at least my house is clean. Now all we have to do is tidy up before Monday. Score!

* My dad’s birthday was Wednesday and we’re celebrating tonight. I’m making his favorites: beef stroganoff and spice cake with cream cheese frosting.

* I got some shorts on clearance at Target yesterday and they’re a size 14. That’s EIGHT sizes smaller than I wore last summer. It’s surreal. I’m only eight pounds away from my surgeon’s goal for me. I was telling Gerald that I’d be ok with not loosing anymore weight. I feel good right here. I want plastic surgery to chop off all the saggy/wobbly bits, but I feel good at this size.

* I regularly voluntarily take the stairs at work now. Two flights, even. Unthinkable!

Wow. You’d think that the Friday Facts would be more interesting after such a long absence from posting.

You’d be wrong.