As for the flirting…it’s complicated. I thought I was downright ugly even as a child but it had nothing to do with my mom. She always said I was pretty and dressed me up when I was little and my dad was always calling me his “princess”, you know. They had issues, yes, but not about me. I was lucky that way.

Still, I thought (and sometimes still think) I was hideous in the mirror and pics. I never look the way I think I do and I’m often devastated at the difference. Dan took pics of me holding little Lily yesterday and one of the pics of me almost made me cry, it so didn’t look like the way I think I look.

But then I look at pictures of myself years ago and I see a pretty woman.

I don’t know what it means, I really don’t know why I do this.

YOU are exceptionally beautiful. I would love to have your face, my nose is too big, my eyes too small, my chin is too big (I got my dad’s chin, ugh, hardly “feminine); to me, your face looks perfect. Beautiful big green (or blue? I can’t tell from the pics) eyes, petite feminine nose, beautiful mouth (I do like my mouth too), gorgeous hair, you are very striking!

And your new confidence level probably has a lot to do with why men are chatting you up more, too. But I can’t figure out flirting, either, I am dense when it comes to flirting, always have been.

As I close my War and Peace sized comment, I’ll add that it also makes me a little sad, though, that men are being friendlier now that you weigh less. I know it’s probably partly genetic; men are driven to choose attractive mates, even if they are not going to “mate” with that person, and it goes the other way around, too; women flirt more with men who are not heavy, I understand all this but it still makes me sad and not a little frustrated.

And here’s hoping that you can make lemonade out of the hernia surgery. Ugh, how’s that for a mixed metaphor? You know what I mean. Goooo tummy tuck!

And btw, I totally completely entirely relate to EVERY word you said. Are men more talkative cuz they are that shallow OR could it be that we are more approachable because of this new found self-confidence?

Gack! It’s all so mind mind boggling. I understand!!

I think we all have hang-ups, fat or not, but big changes sort of bring them up in a different light. I think that a big portion of it is likely your change in attitude, and less them changing. Feeling pretty, feeling like you’re worthy, makes all of that flirting stuff so much different.

My favorite high school teacher had a full body lift with her hernias (that’s right, two of em’), if you get that you’ll hate life, but it will be worth it in the end.

Now, I totally relate to this whole thing. My parents never told me I was pretty either. They told me I was fat and needed to lose weight. I still remember the first time my mother told me I was pretty. It was at my sister’s wedding when I was 21 and had just lost 40 pounds due to a combination of mono and scurvy.

The flirting thing is hard, and the former-fat-woman hangups make it worse.

Is it a self-esteem thing that I don’t think being flirted with more if I were thin would make me mad? After all, I’m not really attracted to fat people and would be less likely to flirt with them if I were single. So how can I blame other people for doing the same thing?

I don’t know what to tell ya on the flirting. I’m not so hot at recognizing it myself. There have been hundreds of times in my life when I thought I was having a regular conversation with a guy that turned out to “mean something”. Dunno. I think both of our personalities are a little flirtatious by nature and so maybe we tend to assume the men we run across are the same.

Apologies in advance if you aren’t able to get one, and the knowledge that my aunt did makes your disappointment that much more intense.