Earning my mom badges one at a time
Last night, we were surprised by the sounds of barfing over the baby monitor. Maddie’s little tummy decided to reject everything she’s ever eaten in her whole life. I spent two hours doing laundry, wiping her face and holding her while she threw up. It was one of the worst nights I’ve ever had as a parent. I felt so helpless and scared. All I wanted to do was make my baby feel better and I couldn’t.
I sat in my chair, holding her naked little body tucked under my chin and I thought about my mom. When I was sick as a child all I wanted was my mommy. No matter how bad I felt, she always made it better. I might still be sick, but my mommy was there with me. I never doubted in her ability to care for me and I always felt so safe and loved. As I thought of these things, I wondered if my mom had ever felt as powerless and scared as I did right then. Did she have moments when she felt like a fraud, too? How can I be the mom? How in the world does this little girl believe that I’m going to make it all better? I keep waiting for the day when I honestly feel like I know what I’m doing. Most of the time, I’m flying by the seat of my pants and winging it. My mom was always so knowledgeable, so confident, so mom-like. There wasn’t anything she couldn’t fix.
Me? I’m an amateur.
Filed under maddie | Comments (14)PiF Pissiness
So, remember when I asked about sending a PiF package when I hadn’t really won one myself? I sent it. I thought I put together a thoughtful assortment of gifts. The person who won isn’t one of my closer blogging friends, but I took the time to paruse her site to get an idea of things she might like.
I mailed the package and then waited to hear from her. Two weeks went by and I finally checked the delivery confirmation thingy from the post office and sure enough, it was delivered. It’s been over three weeks since I sent it and I haven’t heard one word. I sent an email to her a few days ago asking if she got it and I haven’t heard anything back.
I’m really kinda pissed about it. First of all, it’s the height of rudeness to no thank someone for a gift they gave you. Even if you hate it like poison. Secondly, the whole spirit of the PiF movement was to bring happiness to each other. This does not bring me happiness.
Filed under contest | Comments (9)Who is the demon spawn and where is my baby?
Seemingly overnight, Maddie has turned into a raging hell-beast. Over the course of a week, she’s started shouting “NO!” when frustrated, and physically pushing Gerald and me away when she’s pissed. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the histrionics. Dear sweet jeebus. We’ve begun insisting that she say “please” when asking for something and she’s not taking it well. Just a few minutes ago she wanted me to hand her a toy. I told her she needed to say “please” and she completely lost her shit. She cried until she was gagging. I just kept telling her that all she had to do was ask nicely and I would get the toys for her. She refused for 15 minutes. Finally, she relented realized I wasn’t going to give in and said “please.” I gave her the toys and she’s happily playing with them. Now really, was it worth all the hullaballoo?
She’s a very strong-willed little girl (read: raging hell-beast) and something tells me we’ve got a long road of these encounters ahead of us. She makes so many things in to a battle of wills. It’s exhausting.
I was completely unprepared to not like my child anymore. Of course I love her, but like? Not so much these days.
Filed under maddie | Comments (10)Fun Fact Friday: On My Deathbed Edition
* When I was sick as a little girl, my mom always bought me Gatorade and a new coloring book. My dad does it for me nowadays.
* I have never had the chicken pox.
* I have had the measles.
* I’ve had tubes in my ears twice. Once at the age of 6 and again at 16. I have severe eustachian tube disfunction.
* In the same operation that gave me the tubes in my ears at 6, I also had my tonsils and adenoids removed.
* Whenever I get a cold, it always goes to my throat.
* I refuse to take liquid cough syrup. My dr prescribes a gel cap version for me.
* I’ve had a non-cancerous lump removed from my breast. The medical term for it was “gristle.”
* I’m a whiny mess when I’m sick. I have to remind everyone within earshot that I don’t feel well at least once an hour.
* I’m going to the dr today at 2:45.
P.S. I don’t feel well.
Filed under friday facts | Comments (9)Halloween Help
I was going to dress Maddie up as a dinosaur for Halloween, but the more I look at the available costumes, the more it seems like a bad idea. She has a little Halloween party at school and I’m afraid she’ll get super hot in the costume. So, I need some help picking out a new costume. Ready?
Here’s the dinosaur costume I like:
Madeline. Get it?
Carmen Miranda
Rock star
Tulip fairy. My one concession to princessy.
