Buyer’s Remorse

I read a few blogs that are written by post-op gastric bypass patients. Most of the blogs aren’t about the bypass, per say, but the authors do touch upon it every now and then. I found these posts to be very informative as I waited for my surgery.

However, the one thing I don’t remember reading much about is the PAIN and MISERY right after the surgery. If there’s anyone out there reading this who’s considering the surgery, I’m here to tell you that it’s fucking ROUGH.

I cannot seem to grasp the concept that I can’t drink like I used to be able to. I’m one of those people who regularly gets 64oz + of liquid every day. Or, at least I used to be. I can barely get 20oz these days. It’s physically painful to drink. Oh, and BREATHING? That hurts, too. That’s mostly from the anesthesia, so it should go away soon. But, DAMN! In the meantime yawning or taking a deep breath = wishing for death.

Gas pain. In just about every surgical procedure, the part of your body that’s being operated on is distended with gas to make things easier for the surgeon. I’ve got trapped gas like you wouldn’t believe! And I can’t burp. Seriously, no burps. I have to wait for the gas to make its way down my intestines to become…. farts. So, I’ve got that terrible referred pain in my shoulder. All I want to do is belch like a frat boy during rush.

I’d have to say, that right now I’ve got a seriously wicked case of buyer’s remorse going on. I wish I hadn’t had the surgery. It was a HUGE mistake and I’m going to suffer for it for the rest of my life. I’ve been told that after the first week things get better and those feelings go away. We’ll see. Right now, I just wish I was still fat and “normal,” instead of fat and “broken.”

I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.

I’m home. I got the boot from the hospital around 11:15 this morning. As soon as we got home, I went to sleep for 4.5 hours. It was bliss. Last night, they had someone come into my room every hour. LITERALLY EVERY HOUR. As soon as I’d drift of to sleep, there was someone jabbing a needle into me. Not at all pleasant, let me assure you.

I’m in a lot of pain and super tired. I didn’t hurt this bad when I had a baby, for goodness sake! This is insane. Anyhow, I’m taking my pain meds regularly and trying to do as little as possible.

I do have a bone to pick with the veterans of this surgery who told me I wouldn’t be hungry at all afterwards. LIARS! I’ve been hungry since dinner time last night. Not “head hungry,” but stomach-growling hungry. And that scares the crap out of me, because I’m afraid to eat. They beat it into your head that you can cause terrible damage by overeating and hurting your pouch. I had a little bit of soup for dinner and tried to only eat until the hunger pangs stopped.

This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. But, I’m clinging to all the words of encouragement I’ve received from people who have been in this situation themselves. It gets better. I just have to take it easy and let my poor body heal.

Thank you all for your support, prayers and kind words. It meant the world to me to know that you were out there rooting for me.

Surgery Update

Surgery went fine today.  She’s in a room now and resting comfortably (hopefully).  If all goes as planned she should be home tomorrow.

Cheers!

G

Gastric Bypass: Before Photos

These are my “official” before photos. In the pictures, I weigh about 290 lbs. (I lost 10 lbs. in the week before surgery.)

I wear a 26/28 in pants and a 3x in shirts. If it’s a structured shirt, i.e., button down, I wear a 30/32. My bra size is 46DDD. My underwear size is a 9.

I am 5′ 6″ and my BMI is  48.4.

This is what I looked like 17 hours before my surgery:

This is my fat belly that I try to keep hidden underneath loose shirts:

I like big butts and I cannot lie…

My upper arms are HUGE. I could freakin’ fly with these things. Also, my husband told me to make a “bodybuilder face” when he took this picture. Have you ever seen a bodybuilder make this face while posing? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

There you have it. Me. Morbidly obese. But not for long.

Gee, your floor looks terrific!

When our house was being built four years ago, we made a fantastic decision in picking out grey ceramic tile. It doesn’t show ANYTHING. However, the light grey grout shows EVERYTHING. It went from a beautiful dove grey to gross brown in a matter of months. I hated it. I felt so dirty every time I thought about. Mopping didn’t clean it and there was pretty much no way in hell I was going to get down on my hands and knees and scrub it with a toothbrush.

Except that I did just that. Only, I did it to stain and reseal the grout instead of just cleaning it. I think I was faux nesting before my surgery. It took me six hours over three days to finish the kitchen. I still have the utility room, two bathrooms and the entryway to do. They’re not gross though, so I’m not in a hurry. Also, it was miserable work, so again, not in a hurry.

Here are my before and after shots. Looks damn good, don’t it? No, I won’t come to your house and do your grout. I like you, but not THAT much.

Before: EEEWWW.

In process:

Comparisons:

Can you believe how great it looks? I’m so pleased with the results. It was almost worth all the pain and suffering caused by spending six hours on my knees wielding a friggin’ toothbrush. ALMOST.

Also, please note that I did this while fasting. Me = ROCKSTAR.

Just in case you were wondering…

It won’t be long, now.

Fun Fact Friday: The Farewell to Fat Edition

* I have never ridden a horse. I’m too fat to pull myself up onto the saddle.

* I haven’t been on a roller coaster in seven years.

* I have never sat on Gerald’s lap.

* Gerald has never picked me up.

* As an adult, I have never worn a sleeveless shirt in public.

* We have never had portraits taken as a family.

* I can’t kneel and sit back on my heels.

* I can’t touch my toes.

* I can barely fit in an airplane seat and, more often than not, I require a seat belt extender.

* I’m going to erase this list one item at a time over the next year.

18 whole months

My Dearest Maddie,

Today you are 18 months old. While it’s not technically a birthday, it’s still a big milestone. It boggles my mind to think that you’ve only been with us for a year and a half. It seems like you’ve always been here.

I remember being so worried when I was pregnant. I worried about EVERYTHING, but the thing I was most afraid of was not liking you. I knew I would love you, but what if I didn’t like you? Of course, that fear was completely unfounded. I not only love you with a fierce intensity, but it turns out that I like you a whole lot, too. You’re fun to spend time with and I enjoy watching your shenanigans. And trust me, you are FULL of shenanigans, peanut. You’re such a fun-loving girl. You’re quite the little ham, too. Always trying to be the center of attention. Not that your daddy and I mind one bit. We love to see you “perform” for us. Life with you is never dull, that’s for sure.

This month you FINALLY started calling me “mama.” And now you won’t stop. “Mama” has become your new favorite word. I know as time goes on, I’m going to get tired of hearing “MAMA!” all day long, but for right now, it makes me feel so good to hear it. I love to listen to you talking and singing to yourself in your crib and then hearing “Where’s mama? Mama! Mama? Where’s mama?” It’s so cute I can barely stand it. You also like to hide your face and call me like it’s me who’s hiding. Silly girl.

Maddie, in a few days I’m having an operation on my tummy. The main reason I’m doing it is so that I will be a better mama for you. I want to run and play with you and take you on all kinds of adventures as you get older. I also want to live for a long, long time so that I can see you grow up and pursue all your dreams. This operation will help me to do those things, but it’s not without risks. I’m so scared that something could happen to me and that I might have to leave you and daddy. I know that daddy would take wonderful care of you, but I would miss you both so much. There’s nothing in world I want more than to spend a very long time with you two and I feel so selfish taking a risk like this. But I honestly do believe I’ll be ok and that this operation will make things better for us. I want to be the very best mama I can for you. You are such a fantastic daughter and you deserve nothing less.

I love you so much, Maddie Lou. I can’t wait to see what you’ve got in store for us in the next year and a half.

Love,
Mama

From beyond the grave

I figured y’all were getting tired of the endless posts about my gastric bypass preparations, so I threw out that video yesterday. Turns out you have NO interest AT ALL in Sesame Street. Duly Noted.

Last night I had a migraine of epic proportions. I’m limited to taking only Tylenol and let me tell you, that shit doesn’t do ANYTHING for me. I might as well have taken a big, fat placebo. I laid in bed with a bag of frozen peas on my face to try and get some relief, and then resorted to taking a sleeping pill to try and just sleep through it. This morning the headache was back so I called my surgeon’s office to see if they’d remove the brain tumor for free while doing my bypass surgery. No such luck. Cheap-ass bastards. But the very pretty nurse did tell me I could take one whole Excendrin. I questioned her because it has caffeine and aspirin in it and aspirin = blood thinner. My ppwk says NO ASPIRIN, IBUPROFEN OR NAPROXEN beginning one week before surgery. I mean it’s in like 72 pt Big-As-Jesus font and everything. She assured me that one pill would be ok and that the aspirin will be out of my system by Monday. I took the pill and my headache is gone. BUT! If I die because my blood is thin or some shit, you’d better hunt that nurse down and punch her in the face, k? Her name is Sarah. Don’t forget. I’m counting on y’all to avenge my death. If you don’t, I’m totally going to haunt your sorry asses.

Another reason to love Sesame Street

When Maddie was about a year old, she absolutely adored this song and wanted me to sing it approximately eleventy billion times a day. I can’t wait to show her this: