Buyer’s Remorse
I read a few blogs that are written by post-op gastric bypass patients. Most of the blogs aren’t about the bypass, per say, but the authors do touch upon it every now and then. I found these posts to be very informative as I waited for my surgery.
However, the one thing I don’t remember reading much about is the PAIN and MISERY right after the surgery. If there’s anyone out there reading this who’s considering the surgery, I’m here to tell you that it’s fucking ROUGH.
I cannot seem to grasp the concept that I can’t drink like I used to be able to. I’m one of those people who regularly gets 64oz + of liquid every day. Or, at least I used to be. I can barely get 20oz these days. It’s physically painful to drink. Oh, and BREATHING? That hurts, too. That’s mostly from the anesthesia, so it should go away soon. But, DAMN! In the meantime yawning or taking a deep breath = wishing for death.
Gas pain. In just about every surgical procedure, the part of your body that’s being operated on is distended with gas to make things easier for the surgeon. I’ve got trapped gas like you wouldn’t believe! And I can’t burp. Seriously, no burps. I have to wait for the gas to make its way down my intestines to become…. farts. So, I’ve got that terrible referred pain in my shoulder. All I want to do is belch like a frat boy during rush.
I’d have to say, that right now I’ve got a seriously wicked case of buyer’s remorse going on. I wish I hadn’t had the surgery. It was a HUGE mistake and I’m going to suffer for it for the rest of my life. I’ve been told that after the first week things get better and those feelings go away. We’ll see. Right now, I just wish I was still fat and “normal,” instead of fat and “broken.”
Filed under: WLS
Well, there is no turning back now. Charge full speed ahead. You WILL feel better Erica. I know you will. I’m sure this is tough right now, and I wish I could come over and hug you (very carefully of course) and so something nice like paint your toenails. Feel better soon.
1 Mommy Daisy said this (July 23, 2008 at 12:26 pm)
I can’t say I know how you feel, but I have heard similar things from other people. After my sister had her c-section, it took her DAYS to fart, and when she did she was so happy about it that she told us all!
You will feel better, and before you know it you will be SKINNY and normal! And other people will be reading these posts so they’ll be better prepared for their own surgeries.
2 Becky said this (July 23, 2008 at 12:40 pm)
Hang in there, Erica. I appreciate your honesty, though. Thinking of you and wishing you many farts. (wow – I don’t think I’ve ever said THAT before)…
3 mom of the year said this (July 23, 2008 at 12:54 pm)
All you can do now is go forward. I know it must suck right now, but I really think it’ll all be worth it in the end. Here’s a hug.
4 donna said this (July 23, 2008 at 12:58 pm)
Man, this sucks. I’m so sorry. The only way through it is through it, and all that.
5 Tessie said this (July 23, 2008 at 2:26 pm)
Remember … I told you that the first six weeks you’ll be wondering what the hell you’ve done to yourself. I promise… it gets better. Hang in there. Look toward the goal!!!
Hugs~
Eva
6 Eva said this (July 23, 2008 at 2:55 pm)
I felt that way the first couple months. Drinking hurt but I was always thirsty, eating hurt and I never did lose my hunger, and nothing I wanted to eat was on my allowed list anyway. I was so tired and had no energy, I was just miserable. I even asked my husband what he would think of me getting the surgery reversed. But it really does get better. I’m 6 1/2 months out now and I feel fantastic. I have tons of energy, I can eat pretty much anything, and I’ve learned what my body needs and makes it feel good aren’t always the things my mouth wants and how to strike a balance there. I have no problems drinking at all, and haven’t for months.
So hang in there. This part sucks, bad. But it will get better. And I don’t mean to sound like your doctor, but getting in as much of your protein as possible will help too.
7 Jennifer said this (July 23, 2008 at 2:57 pm)
Oh girl. I’m so sorry this sucks so hard right now. I wish there was some way I could help…. you fart.
8 Jenna said this (July 23, 2008 at 3:11 pm)
I remember the referred shoulder pain vividly just from having a hernia repaired, so I can’t imagine how you must feel! Here’s hoping all that gas… travels quickly down and out.
Again, your feelings remind me so much of a person in the pregnancy/birth/early parenthood stage. Here was the physically rending part, and now you’re feeling the shell-shocked “what have I done to my life?” thing, but soon you’ll be through that (the ppd of weight loss surgery, I guess) and in six months, you’ll be totally in love with your new body!
9 SemiDesperate said this (July 23, 2008 at 7:27 pm)
Oh dear! And also: I am so glad you’re writing this, too. I like to hear the whole story, not just the good.
10 Swistle said this (July 23, 2008 at 10:43 pm)
It’s so early; wait.
My Dan felt horrible right after his surgery and long after; only after many weeks did he admit that it was an improvement and he was no longer angry.
You cannot “see” this part yet.
But you will.
I also love it that you are saying the reality. I hate it when people sugar coat the fucked up parts.
I believe in you.
You can do this. This will be awesome; wait. Be patient. Remember, it WILL get better; trust in that. Believe it.
11 Amber said this (July 23, 2008 at 11:35 pm)
You’re one of the strongest women I’ve come across in the blog world. Sorry you feel like shit now. I believe in you and know you will make your dreams come true!
12 Julie said this (July 24, 2008 at 5:54 am)
Wow. I totally didn’t know it would be like this. I’m really sorry. But I think in the end, once this part is over, you will feel like it was worth it. Because you aren’t broken. You’re just temporarily out of service.
13 Jess said this (July 24, 2008 at 7:59 am)
You will eventually get through this. It’s only temporary, and in the end you’ll be happy.
14 jen said this (July 24, 2008 at 8:17 am)
I just started reading (came over through Swistle) a few weeks ago and am delurking now to tell you that I was really struck by your Fun Fact Friday: The Farewell to Fat Edition post.
I have been silently cheering you on after reading that and hoping and wishing that this endeavour is successful for your sake and for your family’s sake.
Go back and reread it…it is going to be so worth all of the pain right now! You are strong, and NOT broken, just undergoing a little maintenance to get you up and running stronger than ever.
Baby steps…we are all pulling for you!
15 carrie said this (July 24, 2008 at 8:17 am)
This too shall pass. But for now I am cheering you on.
16 Molly said this (July 24, 2008 at 9:28 am)
Hang in there Erica. I can’t imagine how much it is sucking right now, and I wish I knew what the right thing to say was.
But you are strong. You are strong for doing this. You are strong for wanting to do this. You are strong for the reasons why you wanted to do this.
You will make this one day at a time and one step at a time. And there is a great big internet pulling for you!
You’re awesome, Mamma!!
17 Danielle said this (July 24, 2008 at 2:27 pm)
It is SO, SO early. I get the buyer’s remorse, though. And you’re brave to say it out loud and to put it all on the table.
I know it’s going to get better. I just know you will adjust and your body will heal and you’ll get new *normals*.
I can relate to that broken feeling, though. After I had a baby, I felt wicked broken. Not a good feeling.
xo
18 the new girl said this (July 24, 2008 at 6:29 pm)