Sunday Secret… better late than never

I am still afraid of the dark.

Fun Fact Friday

* I have a weird OCD compulsion when eating. If I’m eating a colored candy, I have to sort them into color groups and eat one color at a time. Also, I have to eat broken things first. We keep pretzels in the house and every time I eat them, I have to eat all the broken ones first. Then I have a pile of pretty pretzels.

* I have the opposite of anorexia. I never feel as fat as I am. When I catch a glimpse of myself, I’m almost always surprised at how big I am. “I’m fat? Well when the hell did that happen??”

* I anthropomorphize all animals.

* I’m a cat person.

* The only diet pop I like is Dr Pepper. More places need to serve it. Not EVERYONE wants Diet Coke.

* Whenever I feel a miscellaneous gurgle in my abdomen, I automatically think “baby moving.” WTF? I spent 30 years of my life not pregnant. I only spent 8 months pregnant, so how did that redefine my perception?

* I’m allergic to alcohol. I get all red-faced and sweaty whenever I drink. Not that it stops me.

* I have never ridden a horse.

* The thing I miss the most from the pre-Maddie days is going to the movies.

* My favorite story about my mom is as follows: She and my dad where out somewhere having dinner, and they were seated close to the computer thing where the servers enter in the orders. My mom overheard a conversation between some servers and got all in a dither over it. She said to my dad, “I cannot believe they’re having such an inappropriate conversation!!” Of course, my dad knew what was coming, so he tried to slink below the table and hide. “Talking about the difference between SKANKS and WHORES while at work? Where we can hear them?? That’s intolerable!” She pulled herself up to the full extent of her self-righteous 5 feet, and said, “Excuse me, but we would prefer not to have to listen to such an inappropriate conversation while we have dinner.” The servers just looked at her quizzically for a few seconds and then the light dawned for one of them. He replies to my mom, “Ma’am, we’re talking about the difference between STEAK and PORK. How is that inappropriate?”

Needless to say, she was somewhat deflated.

Damned if you do, damned if you do

There are blogs in my reader that make me sad. You know what I mean? The ones where the blogger is trying so hard to be something. Not even necessarily something they’re not. Maybe just MORE something. More intelligent, more witty, more obnoxious, more popular… the list goes on and on. When I read that kind of blog, it makes me sad and I want to delete them from my reader.

There are also blogs that make me sad because they embody everything I want to be. They’re funny, irreverent, intelligent and wildly popular. Each post gets more comments than I do in a week of posting. I want to delete those from my reader, too, because I get jealous and end up trying to be MORE.

From the Management

It has come to our attention that our word verification program sucks ass. Therefore, we have updated said program. The first time one leaves a comment, it will need to be verified. Following comments will not. Hopefully, this will greatly reduce the ass sucking. We expect the number of comments to increase exponentially with this update. You got that?? EXPONENTIALLY, bitches.

Sincerely,
All Dressed Up Mgmt.

Humble Pie

If someone asked me to sum up parenthood in one word, I think I’d choose “humbling.” Today, that is. Other days I might choose “exhausting,” or “monotonous,” or “amazing,” or even “spectacular.” But, I think I feel humbled more so than anything else.

Maddie responds to the words “I love you,” by blowing a kiss back. She sees me after an absence (even just a trip to the bathroom) and responds with a very enthusiastic “HI!” I feel so loved when she does these things.

She has a large pink ball that she adores. You know, the big balls (heh heh) you can buy at the grocery store or Target. When I throw it back into her play yard for her, she runs to the ball and says “HI BAH!” and kisses it. She. kisses. her. ball. and I am immediately knocked down a peg. I remember that she really doesn’t understand the concept of love yet. She expresses affection the same way to everything that she likes.

Maddie says the following words in the correct context now: Ball (bah), Mimi (her favorite book is called Sweet Dreams, Mimi), Meow (neyow), Dada, Tickle (ticka ticka ticka), Nina (neh-nah) and Hi. What word is missing from this list? Oh, yes, it’s “mama.” When I go into her room first thing in the morning she says “Hi Neh-Neh!” Um, excuse me, but who is this Neh-Neh? Because my name is Mama. Again, I’m served a great big slice of humble pie.

At first, my feelings were hurt by her refusal to call me mama. She says the words for the things she likes a whole lot and I decided that meant she didn’t like me enough to call me mama. I know that’s asinine, but that’s how I felt. Now, I realize that’s not the case at all, but it still twinges when I hear her say “Hi Dada!”

And so it begins

I walked today. 45 minutes. It was 9809687506734 degrees outside. The baby was pissy. But we effing did it.

I swear, those bitches better not leave me hanging on this half-marathon shit. We are going to walk the HELL out of that thing. You hear me Ks??

Anyhow. During this walk, I got a blister on my pinkie toe. It hurts like crazy. I’m going to need to get new shoes sooner rather than later. In the past, I have always picked out tennis shoes based solely on looks. Right now, I’m rocking a pair of Nike Trail Runners in a sassy combo of grey, pink and indigo. They are fiercely cute, but not made for walking long distances. They just opened a Lady Footlocker in the next town over, so I think I’m going to check it out one evening this week.

I’m officially “on hold” waiting to hear back on my surgery. I’ve had a psych eval, done six months of medically supervised weight loss, and provided five years’ worth of medical records. Now, the surgeon’s office will submit the request to my insurance company and in a month or so, I’ll know their verdict.

I’m absolutely terrified that it’s going to be denied.

Sunday Secret

I sucked my thumb until I was in my 20s.

There. I’ve told you my most humiliating secret. That’s one less I have to keep, now.

Fitnessy Friday

I sat down to write my FFF post and you know what? I got nuthin. I’m fresh out of fun facts.

So, instead of making up some facts for you, I’m going to ask for your help. As I previously mentioned, I’m going to participate in a half marathon in December. This gives me six months to train. I’m determined to walk the 13 miles. Let’s be clear: I don’t have any delusions of actually running.  What I need from you is a point in the right direction toward a training program. And a recommendation for shoes.

On your mark… Get set… Comment!

In a nutshell

* Today is Maddie’s appointment with the pediatric opthamologist. I still think it’s entirely moot and will be 2.5 hours of sheer hell for all parties involved.

* Tomorrow is my last doctor’s appt for my WLS pre-certification requirement. I dreamt last night that I had the surgery and died on the operating table.

* I have entirely too many hair products. Most of them expensive salon stuff. I also have too many Bath & Body Works products. I’m going to have a “contest” and give 99% of them away.

* My MIL bought me that chocolate I was thinking about getting for my birthday. Could she be any sweeter? No. No, she could not.

* I’m reading the new David Sedaris book.

* We’ve just started season six of Buffy and I’m already sad that we’re getting close to the end.

* Maddie called me “Nana” this morning. Apparently, I’m not aging as well as I’d hoped.

* I’m going to do (I’m not sure if we’re walking or running) a half-marathon in December. That’s 13 miles. Without a car. (I checked. No cars allowed.)

* Gerald and I have been looking at houses. I have no idea if we’re going to move, but we’re looking.

The End

Bleh

I have so many things to tell you about, and yet the thought of posting just makes me think “meh.” I guess this means I need a little blog vacay.

I’ll be back in a few days. Try not to miss me too much, k?