Reality Check
Last night, I went to a beauty supply store for a make-up class. The store was giving a complimentary Bare Minerals class to people who bought the Masterpiece Collection. I bought the kit a couple of weeks ago and signed up for the class on a whim. Sounded fun and I figured I might learn a few things.
Well, only three of the 20 people who signed up for the class actually showed up. With so few of us, the store cancelled the Bare Minerals “expert” that was supposed to lead the class and one of the girls who works in the store conducted it, instead. The girl, Sarah, was nice enough, but YOUNG. And she wore A LOT of make-up. I chalked this up to the fact that she worked in a beauty supply store, and settled in to enjoy the class.
Sarah started with me. She decided to demonstrate a “night look” on me. She chose colors from which I would normally run screaming. But, hey, I was there to learn, right? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. As she applied, and applied, and applied some more, I watched the other two girls’ faces for hints of how I might look. They kept saying I looked great. Like I was ready to go out! When Sarah handed me the mirror, I was stunned. I looked like Amy Winehouse on her worst day. I struggled to maintain my composure so I wouldn’t hurt Sarah’s feelings. “It looks…. good,” I said, hesitantly.
I looked like a crack whore. There was so much black eyeliner around my eyes that I could feel it. I wanted to rush home and scrub it all off, but instead, I watched as the other girls had their turn. They ended up looking very nice. Not at all crack whorey. I thanked Sarah for her time, paid for the lip gloss I wanted, and drove home.
I came into the house and paused in the laundry room. I asked Gerald if he was ready to see my new look, and I made a grand entrance into the living room. The look on his face was priceless. He was all “Is that what they taught you? THAT’S what they said you should do???” When I replied in the affirmative, he said “Well, it sure doesn’t work for you.” He then went on to say that it seemed to be the style these days, but I was too old for it.
TOO OLD.
I started to get indignant, but stopped because HE WAS RIGHT. I am too old for that look. And you know what else? I don’t need that much damn make-up on. I like my face the way it is. I use make-up to hide flaws, (i.e., ZITS) and bring a little polish to my look. I don’t want to look like I’m wearing a metric ton of eyeliner.
Anyhow, the class was a total bust, but it was fun. I got to spend a few hours away from the stresses of home and play with make-up. It was like a sleepover… but without the toilet papering.
Filed under: daily on June 18th, 2008
Oh god. OH GOD. This is hilarious.
You really DON’T need much makeup. You are BEAUTIFUL, and I’m not even blowing smoke up your ass here.
I was just thinking I need some kind of makeup class or INTENSIVE BOOT CAMP of some kind.
I suck at makeup.
Ha! They TOTALLY should have still come through with the expert. It’s not the fault of the 3 that the other 17 didn’t show.
Tess - Feel free to blow all the smoke you want. If you decide to go to a class, let me recommend that you DON’T go to U*lta.
Swistle - I KNOW. I would’ve gotten all pissy about it if I had paid for it or something. Since it was free, I just let it go.
And you didn’t take a picture?
I didn’t know you were supposed to put on different makeup at night….shows you how “with it” I am.
And I’m with Mimi…..no pictures?
HEYY! IT ATE MY LONG ASSED COMMENT!
WAHHHH!
Don’t blame it on the blog, Amber. I took down the damned word verification. I am now bombarded with online prescription med spamments.
I am with you. I don’t like a lot of make up. But you know how glamorous celebrities look with all the eye makeup. Well that’s how you look. Glamorous, air brushed! Maybe the camera phone doesn’t show the real thing. Anyway I thought you looked beautiful, but I always did!
Huggs
Theresa
Ok. too funny - it reminds me of a very AWKWARD, very PAINFUL Mary Kay thing I went to, once. Oh. Dear. God.
Ugh, I HATE when other people try to do my make-up. It never works. I’m never pleased with it, but I totally do the fake “Oh yeah, it looks…good” thing.
I look terrible with that kind of make up too. In my defense, I say that kind of makeup only works on girls who are ugly underneath the mask. It probably isn’t true, but it makes me feel better.
Also, I was in a wedding Saturday and the hairdresser did my hair in a way that I can only describe as mid-nineties teenager-y. I have never felt so old and unattractive in my life. I may have loved it when I was twenty. But that was 12 years ago.
But I was way cuter than the naturally ugly bridesmaid with the caked on eyeliner and rouge.