Is this seriously another post about MY HAIR??

Yes. Yes, it is.

I got it cut even shorter. I meant to take a picture of it last night when I got home, but it was already 7:30 and I had to put the baby to bed and still eat dinner. So instead of a “fresh from the salon” photo, you’re getting my first attempt at styling it this morning.

This first photo is brought to you courtesy of my bathroom mirror. Of course, no flash = crappy photo, but flash + mirror = even crappier photo.

I decided to move out to the natural light in front of my bedroom window. Having a large DSL camera means it’s difficult to take a picture of yourself at arm’s reach.  Therefore, if I look like a complete dork it’s because of the camera, not actual dorkness on my part, k?

And don’t be looking at my unmade bed. Just focus on The Hair.

Focus.

Things I’m Loving Right Now

1. Arm & Hammer Detergent with OxiClean. This stuff is WONDERFUL! It took all the stinky milk smell out of Maddie’s blankets. Our clothes seem so much cleaner since I’ve started using it.

2. OxiClean Laundry Stain Removal. It’s like Spray ‘N Wash, but OxiClean. Maddie got strawberry juice on her brand new white t-shirt and one spray with this stuff at it was gone. GONE. It also got a stain out of one of my t-shirts that’s been there for a month. Dried in and everything. It’s amazing.

3. Jergens Natural Glow Lotion. I’m cursed blessed with deathly palor alabaster skin. I’ve been using this on my legs for a week and a half and I’m no longer blindingly white. This gives a nice glow that’s not scary fake tan orange.

4. Dole Baby Bananas. Maddie loves bananas, but can’t finish a whole one. I hate bananas, so I don’t finish them for her. I was throwing away the remaining half a banana, which is pretty wasteful. Last week, I discovered baby bananas. They’re about four or five inches long and perfect for Maddie. They’re $.99 a pound and the bunch of seven that I got was just over a pound. Maddie has one every morning and I don’t feel guilty for wasting food.

5. Aveeno Baby Soothing Relief Creamy Wash. Maddie has a slight case of eczema and this cleanses well and keeps her skin from getting dried out. It doesn’t smell good, as it’s fragrance-free, but it doesn’t smell bad. After her bath, I slather her with Aveeno’s Calming Comfort lotion which smells like lavender and vanilla, so she ends up smelling like that. I’ve tried all kinds of body washes for her and this one really keeps her skin in check without being insanely expensive.

FINALLY – The Tattoo Post

Without further ado, here they are, along with the accompanying location and reason for getting that particular tattoo.

1. Purple Gecko with Green Eyes – location: inside left ankle
 

This is my oldest tattoo. I think I was 21 when I got it. I really can’t remember for sure. I got this particular tattoo because for as long as I had wanted tattoos, I wanted a purple gecko with green eyes. No real significance. I just really liked it.

2. Eye of Horus – location: upper left side of my chest.

In tattoo lingo, this one is known as a “fuck up.” The inside of the eye, where the iris would be, was yellow. But apparently, I have some sort of allergy to the yellow ink. It got seriously nasty about 24 hours after I got it. To spare you the gorey details, the yellow portion, and part of the eyebrow were rejected by my immune system. I haven’t gotten it fixed and this was 8 years ago, or so. I hate this tattoo because of the wonkiness and the location. I’m seriously considering getting it lasah’d off.

3. Butterfly – location: right shoulder blade.

I got this on the spur of the moment. A friend of mine wanted a tattoo and asked me to go with her. It was her first and she wanted a hand to squeeze. I saw this in the artist’s portfolio and really liked it. This one is probably six years old.

4. Fish – location: top of right foot

I got this one two years ago, for my 30th birthday. Gerald and I took a trip to the gulf coast to celebrate my birthday and our anniversary. On the last day of our trip, we each got a tattoo. (It was Gerald’s first.) I love this tattoo. I think it’s my favorite. Bonus Trivia Fact: He’s smiling because I inadvertently jerked my foot while the artist was doing the mouth. The top of your foot is chock full of nerves and not a lot of fat to cushion them. Consequently, it’s a very sensitive area to have tattooed.

So, there you have it. I’m still trying to figure out what to get for my “Maddie” tattoo. If you have any suggestions, please weigh in in the comments.

Fun Fact Friday

I was going to give you another excuse as to why I’m STILL bogarting Tessie’s Fun Fact Friday, but who are we kidding? I’ve totally stolen the idea and am using it with wanton abandon.

*  I got Maddie a potty chair this week. Now, before you get all judgey about it being “too early” and “she’s only 15 months old!” let me tell you the reason WHY I got it for her. You see, my darling girl has an extreme phobia of flushing toilets. When she needs to be changed in a public restroom, and hears the flushes, she completely loses her shit. Um, that’s her figurative shit, fyi. Anyhow, she’s mental about the whole thing, so I asked the pediatrician about it on Wednesday. She recommended trying to desensitize Maddie some before we get to the point where we need to start potty training. So I got her a realistic looking potty chair as part of the process. She’s currently playing with it as a toy and loves to sit on it. We’re also taking her with us when we go to the bathroom, trying to show her that it’s ok. And at night, when she’s brushing her teeth, I flush the toilet, just to try and get her used to it. I feel really bad about upsetting her, but I figure it’s better for her in the long run. I mean, at some point, she’s going to have to use a toilet, right?

* I’m claustrophobic to the point of sheer and utter panic. I think it probably helps me understand Maddie’s fear of the toilet.

* I once got to interview the Indigo Girls before one of their concerts. It was one of the coolest moments in my life.

* Maddie and I were the exact same weight and length at birth and were both a little early. She was three weeks early and I was four.

* My favorite flower is the Hyacinth. I love the way they smell. For looks alone, I really like Gerber Daisies.

* I am named after my biological father and my mother’s sister who died in infancy.

*My favorite genre of entertainment is paranormal. I love stuff about vampires, witches, werewolves, magic and so on. I don’t believe in any of it, but I find it immensely entertaining.

* I wanted to be a fighter pilot in the Navy after watching Top Gun as a little girl. I’m pretty sure the whole movie was just one long commercial for the Navy, so I bet I’m not the only one.

* My least favorite chore is mopping. Probably because our kitchen is HUGE and it takes eleventy hundred hours to mop. Plus the tile is grey, so you can’t even tell it’s clean. If you’re going to work that hard cleaning something, there should at least be visible results.

* The very first CD I ever bought was The Lost Boys soundtrack. The first CD I ever got as a gift was They Might Be Giants’ Flood (from my friend Becky for my 14th birthday). I still have both of them.

Reason and Logic

Excerpt from the BabyCenter email that just appeared in my inbox:

Whining and screaming: If your 15-month-old has started sounding like a hyena or worse, you’re experiencing his intense desire to interact with you. Children thrive on their parents’ attention, and a toddler this age will do just about anything to get yours. When he gets loud or whiny, kneel down to your child’s level and tell him you’re listening. If he keeps it up, calmly say, “I can’t understand you when you talk like that. Please use your normal voice and I’ll be happy to listen to what you’re saying.” Eventually, he’ll get the message.

Um, BabyCenter, can I ask WTF you’re thinking here? I’m supposed to engage my child in adult conversation by reasoning with her? Have you ever even MET a 15 month old? Reasoning and logic are not their fortes. There are hardly any philosophical debates or creative theorems being postulated. Mostly, there’s throwing, whining, tantruming, laughing and running.

My favorite part is the whole “asking her to use her normal voice because I can’t understand her” business. First of all, whining practically IS her normal voice. Then there’s the fact that she only says like four words, so chances are, I’m not going to understand her no matter what the hell voice she uses.

For cry’n out loud BabyCenter, getcher head in the game!

Welcome to the most boring blog in your Reader.

15 month check-up highlights:
21.5 pounds / 40th percentile
30.8 inches / 50th percentile
Two Shots
One referral to a pediatric opthamologist for the Wonky Eye.
Double Ear Infections
Strep Throat
One prescription for antibiotics for Maddie
One prescription for antibiotics for me. (She said I’d most likely get strep throat, so she’d save me a visit to my doctor by giving me a script to fill if I needed it.)
100 bonus awarded to pediatrician for the above act.

I’m not sure what to make of this Wonky Eye Check Up business. I have never talked to the pediatrician about the Wonky Eye. She happened to notice it today and asked me about it. Her concern was that Maddie still hasn’t outgrown it, so we’re going to get it checked out to be on the safe side. I know I used to be super anxious about the Wonky Eye, but I’ve gotten completely over it. It’s much less noticeable than it used to be and Maddie seems to see just fine. Now, I’m a little worried that it’s something and I should have had it checked out earlier.

The one constant about parenting? Always feeling like you’ve made the wrong decision.

GAH!

The last night of our trip, Maddie started running a fever of 101. I doped her up on Tylenol and hoped for the best. She slept through the night just fine, but was still feverish when she woke up the next morning. So, we cut our trip a little short and came home.

For the record, a five hour car ride with a sick/clingy toddler? No. Fun. At. All. I think I stopped the car to get out and snuggle her 11 times.

She’s still a little feverish today. No other signs of illness, so I’m guessing it’s her ear. She has her 15 month check up tomorrow, so we’ll find out for sure.

More about the trip to follow, including pics of the Madster at her very first tea party.

Convoy of One

The Madster and I are off on our Girls Only Road Trip tomorrow. Here are the things that I’m currently obsessing over:

1. Bathroom breaks. The drive is five hours and chances are I’m going to have to use a bathroom somewhere along the way. When we make this trip as a family, Gerald and I take turns going, that way we don’t have to get the baby out of car. She’s fine riding in her car seat UNTIL she gets out and has to get back in. Then, we have what you might call a Full Scale Shit Loss. So, I’m trying to figure out how to manage the crisis. My plan is to stop halfway at a real restaurant. Then, we can have lunch and spend some time out of the car. Bathroom breaks and diaper changes included. Otherwise, I’m going to have to learn to pee in a Snapple bottle at 75mph.

2. Keeping Maddie Alive and Grandparents’ Furnishings Unbroken – Non-child-proofed home. Need I say more? I think I’m going to take her play yard (aka: The Baby Jail) with us. Seems like it would be less grief in the long run.

3. Being the Sole Caregiver for Five Full Days and Nights – GAH!

I don’t always look like this. Really.

Our house is the first house on the street and in the neighborhood. We’re like the ambassadors for the whole development. Only we’re recluses and yell at children to GET OFF THE LAWN!

Anyhow, being the first house means that one side of our fencing is the brick “neighborhood” fence. Which is cool, because if a car goes off the road, there’s a good chance the brick fence will stop it before they crash into Maddie’s room. Safety First! That’s our motto. Well, one of the columns in the brick wall is crumbling and missing some bricks. It’s been that way since our house was built almost four years ago. It’s not as trashy as it sounds, really. It’s not bad at all, in my opinion.

Apparently, our HOA feels differently. This morning, the president of the HOA and his minions were skulking in my yard. Only, I didn’t know who they were. (Hello! Recluses, remember?) So, I opened the door and was all “Can I help you with something?” Meanwhile, I’m in my old lady robe, slippers and sporting a serious case of bedhead. The HOA guy comes over to get a close up view of the gloriousness that is me to tell me that they’re getting bids on repairing the wall and someone (??) told him that we had the extra bricks for the wall in our backyard.

WTF?

Like we just have a pile of bricks in our backyard? And they’ve been there for four years? Just waiting for someone to come along and fix the effing wall? WHATEV. We totally keep the bricks in the spare room. We’re building a fort with them.

So, I told him they were welcome to check out the backyard in search of the bricks we’re apparently hoarding. He declined. Probably he was a little frightened at that point. Did I mention the robe and the bedhead? How about the bralessness? No? Well, there was bralessness, too. As he left, I had to struggle to keep from shouting, “HEY! I don’t normally look like this! Well, every morning, sure. But not if I’m seeing people. Well, people other than the people I live with. So, come back later and I’ll totally be ready and sort of cute, k?”

I’m old

So, I joined facebook. Meanwhile, I cannot figure it out. People are giving each other eggs and plants and I’m sitting in the corner wondering how this “newfangled contraption” works.

I have a feeling that if I were 10 years younger, I’d be facebooking up a storm.  My goodness, when did I get so old?