Uncomfortable

Hi, my name is Erica and I have postpartum depression.

Also, a little social anxiety thrown in for good measure. I have been a shadow of my former self for almost a year. I can count the number of days that I’ve felt GOOD on two hands. I’ve felt overwhelmed, anxious, sad, defeated, angry, self-righteous and pitiful, but not GOOD.

I sort of thought this is just how it’s supposed to be. I’ve never had a kid and quit working at an office before; I had no frame of reference. But I was lucky enough to read some other bloggers who were struggling with similar issues. All of the sudden, I realized two things: One, I am not alone in this. Two, things don’t have to be this way. I don’t have to cry all the time. Or be angry at Gerald for no reason whatsoever. Or avoid playing with Maddie. Or not want to leave the house for days at a time. I realized that this is the way it is, but not the way has to be.

On Friday, I talked to my doctor. I told her all the things I’ve been hiding. It was embarrassing and humiliating and very difficult to do, but I knew it needed to be done. My doctor has the best bedside manner of any doctor I’ve ever been to. She listened, asked questions and forced me to vocalize things that I would have been more comfortable keeping secret. She understood where I was coming from and told me she could help. “Together, we can fix this,” she said. She gave me a script for Z*oloft and an appointment in a month.

For the first time in a long time, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see a hint of my old self in the mirror looking back at me. And it feels GOOD.

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Better late than never

Gerald and I just started watching Dexter. We don’t have Showtime (HBO instead) and therefore missed out on the bliss that is Dexter last season.

I cannot tell you how much I love this show. We’ve watched seven episodes in four days and it’s all I can think about. Last night, I lay in bed, wide awake, solving the Ice Truck Killer case. And it’s driving me INSANE me that I have to wait until Gerald gets home from work to watch the next episode. Stupid job interfering with my TV time!

Anyhow, if you’re like me and missed out on Dex the first time around, do yourself a HUGE favor and get the first season on DVD, or borrow it from someone who has it. I promise, watching it will be the most enjoyable 12 hours you’ve spent watching TV in a long, long time.

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Help me, Tom Cruise!

I was reading Amber’s post today about weird “couple things” she and her husband say. Gerald and I are guilty of way over-using movie or TV show quotes.

We’re addicted to Futurama and have probably seen every episode 25 bajillion times. It would stand to reason that Futurama quotes are as common as breathing around here. I think we probably have whole conversations that are comprised entirely of Furturama dialog. Will Ferrell quotes are also prevalent. As is LOLspeak. (i r happy pineapple is my favorite.) As far as movies go, we go through phases after seeing good movies. They usually last until we see a new movie and start quoting it.

So tell me, what weird stuff comes out of your mouth?

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