It’s that time of year again!

Time for Linda’s annual year-end wrap up. I’ve played along for the last three years because this time of year I find myself struggling to come up with things to post about. Please, feel free to join in the fun. All the cool kids are doing it.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I had a kid. And quit my job. And started working from home since The Workplace didn’t want me to quit. I also bought a minivan, aka: The Pimpmobile.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No and no. I’m done with resolutions. There are things that I’m going to do this year, BIG THINGS, but there are no cheesy resolutions about these things. I’m just doing them. Oh, don’t get all huffy. I’m totally going to tell you about them, just not right now.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My good friend Diane had a baby boy in July.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
Does Cleveland count? Three days in a car with a four month old has to be worth something.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Self-control

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 17 – Maddie’s birthday and pretty self-explanatory, no?

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Deciding to stay home and take care of Maddie full time.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Weight loss

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got really sick right after Maddie was born. Other than that, no.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My van. I was very anti-mini-van before we got it. Now, I can’t imagine life without it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine. I turned out to be better at this motherhood thing than I thought I was going to be.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Again, mine. I don’t always bring my A game.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Target

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Poop, teeth, smiles, giggles, clapping, rolling, crawling, talking and walking.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Why Does The Sun Shine, by They Might Be Giants.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
 a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?
a – Happier, b – thinner, c – richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleep

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Cry

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Yes, yes I did.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Dr Who or Torchwood

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nope.

24. What was the best book you read?
The Twilight Series by Stephenie Meyer

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lily Allen and Mark Ronson

26. What did you want and get?
A Dyson

27. What did you want and not get?
About a million things.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Blades of Glory

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 and we went out to dinner. It was a disappointing birthday.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money? I mean, come on, how do I answer this one?

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
“Fat and comfortable.”

32. What kept you sane?
My blog.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Johnny Depp

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Mandatory HPV vaccinations for young girls in Texas.

35. Who did you miss?
My mommy

36. Who was the best new person you met?
CHEESE ALERT!! My daughter. She’s awesome!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
I learned to sacrifice for my kid. I also learned that I don’t really mind it at all.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace.”

The Aftermath

Well, we survived another Christmas. Maddie’s FIRST CHRISTMAS, which is apparently way more important than all the rest of them. I mean, have you ever seen a “Baby’s Seventh Christmas” ornament for sale at your local Hallmark store?

We left for the in-laws on Saturday at 9:00am. At approximately 10:30, we got caught in the backlog resulting from what must have been a horrendous accident. It took us TWO HOURS to travel NINE MILES. I know that I’m prone to hyperbole, but I shit you not, people. TWO HOURS. When we finally made it through, we stopped for lunch at a Friday’s and it was terrible. Which, after the traffic jam, was adding insult to injury. So, remind me never to complain about the five hour trip again. Because EIGHT HOURS is MUCH WORSE than FIVE HOURS. So much worse that it requires the use of EXCESSIVE CAPS.

Once we got Down South, though, the trip was wonderful. I think it might have been our best visit ever. Maddie was a champ, the dog was a champ, even I was a champ. Maddie was a little overwhelmed by the whole Christmas Shenanigans thing, but she played and opened presents and was passed around for love with nary a cry. It always surprises me that she’s such a good girl. I prepare myself for the worst and she comes through with flying colors every time.

I have pictures on my camera, but you probably won’t see them until later this weekend. We have two birthday parties and Christmas with my dad and his wife this weekend. And today is grocery shopping and laundry. Plus, the house must be de-Christmased. Is it just me, or do you hate that part, too? Putting up the tree and decorating it? Super fun! Taking it all down? Bleh and Bleh.

P.S. – I can’t tell you how many times Gerald reminded me that you think he’s cute. We’d be eating breakfast and he’d look over at me and say, “So, Swistle thinks I’m cute, huh?” Or, “Did you see that Tessie commented? She thinks I’m cute, too.”

Traveling…. again

This afternoon, I treated myself to a mani, pedi and eyebrow wax. It was so nice to have people fawn over me and lavish me with attention for an hour and a half. I’m going to have to it more regularly. I deserve it, right? Damn right I do!

We’re hitting the road tomorrow for yet another trip down south. Don’t get me wrong… I love Gerald’s family and can’t wait to see them, but that drive sucks ass. Five hours is too long to be a jaunt, you know? But not long enough to qualify as a “road trip. It’s annoyingly in between.

I wish I had some great sentiment with which to leave you this holiday season. But, I seem to be tapped. Take this, instead: I hope your celebration goes exactly the way you want it to and you’re surrounded by exactly the people you want to be with. And, maybe there’s a very lot of alcohol involved. Or not, if that’s your thing. At the very least, there should be cookies, though.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

Your mileage may vary

I was talking to my best friend last night. Her son is four weeks older than Maddie and we were comparing notes. Her son can already say “Mama, Dada, Bubba (brother) Papa and backpack.” And, he’s walking. I was all: “Wow! He’s really blown Maddie away!” But inside, I was all: What’s wrong with my kid??

Maddie took her first hesitant, unaided steps two days ago. It has yet to be repeated. She also only says “Mama” with any regularity and correctness. I was feeling perfectly fine with these things until I talked to H. Now, I feel like there’s something wrong with my kid.

How messed up is that? Maddie isn’t Cohen. Why in the world should I expect that Maddie would develop at the exact same rate he does? Why does it matter? Maddie does things at her own speed. It’s not a race or a competition. Why did I let it get to me? That’s so dumb.

Today, I’m back to my old self. I’m ok with Maddie’s development. She’s right on track for her. Not for anyone else. She’s my perfect little girl.

WTF was I thinking?

So now I’m getting all these hits from Google searches on “large breasts,” or “big breasts.” Um, yeah. If that’s what you’re here for, you might be sorely disappointed. Just a friendly FYI.

The Christmas season is fully upon us, huh? I’m not sure why, but I really can’t get into the spirit this year. All my gifts are bought, wrapped and waiting to be transported to various family member’s homes. I don’t bake for holiday, and I’m traveling, so I don’t even have to clean my house for visitors. Even though I’m pretty stress-free, I’m kinda grinchy this year. I’m hoping that when The Day actually gets here that I’ll be more excited about it. Depends on whether or not my gifts are crappy, I bet.

I got nothing, here, people. I’m posting for the sake of posting. Move along… there’s nothing here to see.

A post about breasts

I watched a program on BBC America tonight called “My small breasts and I.” Gerald was quite surprised to see it on the TiVo considering that I do not have small breasts. I explained, “I want to see how the other half lives.”

I have large breasts. In part, that’s because I’m overweight. However, it’s mostly genetic. I come from a long line of “hourglass figures.” The women in my family have large breasts, narrow waists and large hips. I still maintain this figure, even though I’m fat. I’ve had large breasts for a long as I can remember. The aren’t a source of angst for me. I would prefer to have smaller breasts for practical purposes, but I’m pretty sure I’d look disproportionate if I did.

The women featured in this program hated their breasts. I know I sling the word “hate” around an awful lot, but I really mean it here in the strictest sense of the word. One woman expressed feeling “grotesque” because of her 34A breast size. They all seemed to equate larger breasts with femininity and power.

Since I have never experienced life as a small-breasted woman, I can only imagine what it feels like. I don’t really think about my breasts on a daily basis. I don’t consider them the fount of my womanliness or a powerful weapon in my arsenal. They are simply boobs. A decoration I have to contend with and nothing more.

I will confess that I did once, feel differently about my breasts. When Maddie was born, I was quite keen on breastfeeding her. I tried everything, but my breasts were not made for breastfeeding. I was physically incapable of feeding my daughter. I tried pumping and giving Maddie breast milk via the bottle, but I quickly tired of that. It’s double the work and I was getting very little milk. During that time, I hated my breasts for betraying me. How could they not do the one thing they are designed for? The very purpose of breasts is feeding our young, and mine were defective. I felt diminished in my womanhood. I felt broken. Even though my body had just created, nourished and gave birth to a baby, I felt like the female equivalent of a eunuch.

It’s strange that breasts have so much power in our society. So much power than women will voluntarily undergo surgery to get them. So much power that losing one, or both, to cancer is like death to some women. So much power that men will pay hard-earned money just to see them. Maybe I ought to start giving mine the respect they deserve.

Burn Out

 I’ve been a sahm/wahm for four months now, and you know what? This job is the hardest one I’ve ever had.

Notice how I didn’t tack on the typical “and the most rewarding” business there on the end of that statement? I’m sure I’ll feel that way one day, but it’s not today. In order for it to be rewarding, I need some sort of feedback from Maddie and she’s not going to be able to give it for a long, long time. So basically, I bust my hump for no gratitude whatsoever. No pay raise, no outstanding review, no bonus, nothing.

Granted, I am happier than if I were working in an office. But I miss the recognition that comes with a job well done. We just had a bad week (Maddie’s teething again and she’s been non-stop whiny.) and by Thursday, I was ready to pack my bags and run for Mexico. But, I didn’t. I stuck it out and keep going. Is there so much as a pat on the back and a “good job!” for this? No. There’s nothing. It gets really discouraging.

And a spouse that’s never been a stay-at-home-parent cannot empathize. They still think that going to work in an office is harder and more work. There are days when being at home with Maddie is a breeze and I’m sure Gerald got the short end of the stick. However, there are also days when I’d give anything to be away from home for nine or 10 hours. Gerald has no idea what it’s like to be the primary caregiver day in and day out. I’m sure it looks easy to him from his viewpoint…. what I wouldn’t give to let him try it for two weeks. **UPDATED TO ADD – I don’t mean to imply that Gerald doesn’t work hard, too. He does. This isn’t a competition to see who has it worse. I’m just saying that it makes it even more difficult to feel validated when your spouse has no idea what you go through on a daily basis.

Validation. It really all boils down to validation. Stay-at-home parents do a hell of a lot of work and they do it for a tiny dictator that has no boundaries. If there’s a stay-at-home parent in your life, give them some validation. I promise you’ll make their day. Hell, maybe even their week.

Merry Christmas to ME!

I got a package from Amazon yesterday.

My Swistle Shoes finally arrived!

Amazon was kind enough to rubber band the lids onto the boxes. It was like two gifts in one. I’m now the proud owner of three GIANT rubber bands!

Here is the first pair. A very Christmasy shoe, no?

Can’t you picture these with crisp khakis?

Good thing they go on my feet, not in my mouth.

Grey, too!

And here are all my Swistle Shoes, waiting to be modeled for my husband and then placed on the shoe shelves in my closet. I’m already planning outfits for them.

If this guy went to my church, I’d never miss a Sunday

Bah! Humbug!

We are on our third dry morning. I’m not sure if it’s the alleged “overnight-ness” of the diapers, or the fact that they are a size bigger than Maddie’s normal diapers. It may even be a combination of the two. All I know is that I’m thrilled and I bet the bebe is, too.

I finished my Christmas shopping yesterday. Except for my father-in-law, who refuses to tell anyone what he wants. I delegated his gift to Gerald. I have officially washed my hands of Christmas gifts. Except for the wrapping, which is a job that ought not be delegated to Gerald. No offense intended, dear husband.

My cards are written, addressed, stamped and ready to be mailed. I just need to box up a present for my grandfather and I can take everything to the post office together. Done and done.

The older I get, the less I enjoy Christmas. It’s a long list of “have-tos” and fewer and fewer “get-tos.” Perhaps I’m just a bitter and jaded bitch grinch. PERHAPS.