Fear
Did you see the latest update on Baby Grace? Her mother admits that she and her boyfriend beat, tortured, and killed her. She was two years old.
I knew that I shouldn’t click the link and read the story. I tried to talk myself out of it, but I did it anyway. I was only a paragraph in when the tears came.
How? How could a mother do those things to her baby? How? That poor, beautiful little girl. I’m sitting here, trying my best not to imagine her terror as the person who was supposed to love her more than anyone else hurt her beyond measure.
I want to get into my car and drive to Galveston and fucking beat that woman to death. Slowly and painfully. I want her to beg for death just to get away from me.
What kind of world have I brought my child into? I live in constant fear that someone will hurt my daughter. Every single day of my life, I am aware that someone could take her and hurt her. I am ever vigilant and never turn my back on her in public places. How am I supposed to teach her independence when I can’t let her out of my sight for fear of human garbage touching her?
It almost makes me wish that I’d never had a child. Then, I wouldn’t have something so precious to lose.
Filed under: daily on November 26th, 2007
It is horrible. I’ve had to turn off the TV and radio because there’s nothing else on (thanks to my proximity to Galveston). And if you do come down here to beat the shit out of that woman, let me know because I’ll join you.
Oh my gosh, that is so sad! I agree it’s a hard world to live in. I wonder sometimes if I’d be safer keeping my son at home all the time. But I know I can’t prevent things from happening. Still, it’s hard being a parent.
I am with you on the fear thing. Then I also have to remind myself two things: 1) the media relies on your fears to sell corporate products via commercials, and 2) most people really are good people. When that doesn’t do it, a nice Alka-Seltzer/tequila shot and a mantra of “Let go, let God” gets me through most of the time…
And by my number 1 thing, I am in NO WAY insinuating that Baby Grace isn’t a true tragedy. This is a true atrocity of our time, and I believe that mother will reap what she has sown. I also know there have always been atrocities, but our generation is truly one of the first to hear every second of horrifying detail and every evil thing that happens in the world. It’s a burden we moms all bear together. So when it gets to be too much, I turn it off. And PRAY!
Erica, Mom of the year is absolutely right.
That’s all anyone can do, and make sure that we don’t let bitterness warp us.
We have such awfulness in the UK also.
Warm hugs,
Paul.
I used to check CNN.com every day when I got to work, and…I don’t anymore. Ever. It got to the point where there was some kind of horrifying story about kids EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY, and I just got so angry, like they were doing it on purpose.
BR was watching Americas Most Wanted on Saturday (don’t get me started on that horseshit either), and when a story came on about that guy they were trying to find who raped a toddler, I started crying and got pissed. I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THAT SHIT.
I agree - I was feeling this way as well. I should not have read it either and I felt the exact same way. I wonder why oh why do people do this and I cannot imagine not protecting my child because that is my job, that is what happens when you give birth, that you love this little being who needs you wholly and you should not ever harm. I generally go home and hug my baby and feel glad that he is safe and care for.
Erica, I understand completely. {{{{{hugs}}}} I am similarly horrified at this terrible tragedy. Though I’ve heard this type of story many times before and I have no doubt there are parents out there who will do this kind of thing again. Spend any amount of time investigating crimes like this and you’ll be shocked at how many times this kind of thing happens. Even the brief time Dan was a paramedic in NYC, he saw atrocious things done to children by their parents. It’s beyond sad that anyone would be brutal to such an innocent, let alone their own parents, but it’s not new.
You’re right, there are some in the world who are completely twisted and lacking any kind of normal connection to other people. I agree with you, I would like to exterminate such people; I don’t want to bother trying to rehabilitate them. Some actions are beyond that. If we still lived in tribes and this had happened within our tribe, I know that the rest of the tribe would simply dispatch this couple and send them on to whatever happens to us after death. Who wants such a threat in our midst? Not me.
But please resist trying to “over” protect Maddie. My sister was raised practically in a bubble, my parents were so afraid of the “world” hurting her and when she finally went off to college, she was date-raped because she didn’t have to skills to identify her predator. Even though when I met the man, I could instantly see he was trouble.
I used to feel panicked like you when Lucy was a baby. I could not fathom ever letting her ride a bike or go with friends without me there, etc. I looked at moms who had kids older than her and allowed them to have more freedom as if they were crazy. But as she grew older, I was forced to allow her to do such things. Lucy herself forced me to, for one thing. Just by growing. And two, society itself helped guide me as to what was appropriate freedom and what wasn’t. Of course, I didn’t let her do *everything* everyone else did, but I didn’t make her the weird little kid whose mom wouldn’t let her do anything, either. I found a happy medium by constantly checking my instincts against what others were doing, etc.
You are an introspective person and you question both others and yourself so I know that because of this, you will find the exact right balance between overprotection and not enough protection and she will grow into the kind of person who can take care of herself in the world. {{{hugs}}}
It is so sad how incredibly sick those people are that did that to their baby…so sad.
I stay completely away from all such stories, because my nausea and heartache do nothing to change the world for good, and all they do is increase my fear and horror and negative feelings about a world I’m stuck living in whether it’s good or bad.
I know exactly what you mean about almost wishing you hadn’t had kids. I had lots, and I thought that would make it easier. No. Just means I’ve increased my odds of something terrible happening to one.