All Dressed Up

I’ve been home nearly a month, now. I figure it’s time for a progress report.

Surprisingly, staying at home is a lot like being at work. There are days that I accomplish much and Maddie is happy and well-rested. On these days, I want to pump my fist in the air and shout, “Hell yeah! I am the best sahm EVER!!”

Then there are the other days. On the other days, I am weary, the house is a mess and Maddie is driving me bat shit crazy a handful. These are the days that I’m thankful just to be able to take a shower. I cannot imagine making it through the day with both of us alive, the house still standing, or any semblance of work done. It’s all I can do to count the minutes until Gerald gets home. Although, him being home doesn’t really change anything. When he gets home, he has to continue working. Sure, he helps out when I need him to, but the bulk of the responsibilities for Maddie and dinner fall to me. But once he’s home, I begin to count the minutes until the baby’s bedtime. I suppose I break it up because waiting for 7:00 to roll around is just too damn long. This way, I only have to make it until 3:30. And then it’s a hop, skip, and a jump to 7:00.

This all being said, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Even if they offered me double my old salary, I wouldn’t go back. I love being sahm/wahm mom. Even on those terrible days, I know that I’ve accomplished something. I’ve given Maddie one more day with a loving, devoted mother. Another day that she will hopefully grow to appreciate.

I’ve also learned something surprising about myself. I’m not at all suffering for the lack of adult company. Gerald and I talk via IM and I work every day. So, I guess just that little bit of adult interaction keeps me satisfied. I also don’t go stir crazy nearly as often as I thought I would. And I still get out by myself. I go grocery shopping, to WW meetings and even shopping by myself just about every week. I try to wait until Maddie’s in bed to give Gerald a break, but he’s wonderful about keeping her when she’s up, too. He never seems to mind me getting some time to myself. I know I’m lucky in that regard. I’ve heard horror stories of other fathers who consider the children the sole responsibility of the sahm. Yes, Maddie’s mainly my responsibility, but Gerald parents her, too. It took the two of us to make her and it takes the two of us to raise her.

I know I’m in for rough weather as she gets older. She is already showing signs of being a willful child. But, oh, she is such a good girl. Loving and fun and smart as a whip. I know all parents think their kid is the best and brightest, so you’re writing me off right about now. But I’m honestly surprised at how good she is. There are times that I brace myself for a meltdown because it seems like she should have a meltdown because that’s what kids do, and she will just sail right through with a smile on her face. This weekend, we took her out to eat for the first time in months, and she sat in the restaurant highchair for the first time. I was prepared for crying, throwing things, screaming… all manner of embarrassing things. I kept telling myself that we would just leave if it got bad. As if! Maddie was a dream. She was interested in what was going on around her, she played with us and behaved perfectly. I was so proud. The next day, I took her grocery shopping with me. She sat in the cart, like a big girl, for the first time. Again, I prepared for the worst. Imagining having to leave my half-full cart somewhere in the store and rushing out the door with a screaming baby. Nope. She rode along, playing with the toys I provided and reached up for hugs and kisses when she needed reassurance. I know this won’t be the case every time we go out, but still, I’m proud. She is turning out to be such a good girl. And who the hell ever would have seen that coming?

Filed under: sahm, baby, daily on September 10th, 2007