Know when to fold ‘em

Gerald and I are off on our “grown ups only” day trip today and while I’m very excited, I’m also a nervous wreck a little anxious. This will be the furthest I’ve ever been from my baby. If something were to happen, we’ll be two whole hours away. But nothing’s going to happen. Right? Right! She’ll be fine.

Something tells me I’m going to be telling myself that a lot today.

Candy is Dandy but Fruit Helps You Poop

So this morning, Maddie woke up at 6:15! The sun wasn’t even up yet! WTF? Maybe it’s just going to take some time for her little internal clock to reset without the sunlight. Maybe? Maybe I’m deluding myself. Maybe she’s just going to get up that early for the REST OF HER LIFE! Or, until she’s a lazy teenager and I’m dragging her ass out of bed at the crack of noon.

Halloween is fast approaching and I have a quandary. This will be my baby’s first Halloween and I want to get her an adorable little baby Halloween costume to wear and take approximately 49853423 photos of her in it. However, she doesn’t need a costume for anything. We don’t have any Halloween parties to go to and I’m certainly not taking her trick or treating. Can you see that? A fatty taking her obviously too-young-for-candy kid out trick or treating? I don’t even want to imagine what people would say behind closed doors.

So, really, I need an excuse a reason to dress up Maddie. Quick! Help me think of one! Maybe we can give out candy and she can be my little dressed up helper?

Handy Dandy

Maddie is a sunrise waker. As soon as it’s light, she’s up. Regardless of what time she went to bed. I’ve been worried about the coming time change and how that will affect my her wake up time. I looked at blackout curtain liners, but they’re expensive. I was going to buy a curtain panel and sort of rig an opaque shower curtain liner behind it, so I went out shopping today to find said curtain and liner. Sadly, my beloved Target didn’t having anything I liked. Well, they had the sheer curtain that matches Maddie’s bedding, but sheer = not what I need. I decided to try another mega mart that shall remain nameless. On an end-cap, I happened to stumble across a blackout curtain for $21.88. The curtain and the hardware cost me $50. That’s less than one blackout liner.

I put it all up myself. It’s not fashionable or even very pretty. But it works. Quite well, actually. It’s a 7 out of 10.

DO OVER!

Maddie picked up a souvenir cold from her first birthday party on Saturday. The party was at an indoor jumping place and they had a toddler area where Maddie got to play a little. BIG MISTAKE! I didn’t even think about all the nasty, germy kids that had been there before her. Now, we have more snot than we can handle. She woke up three times last night and I had to suction, suction, suction, medicate, medicate, medicate, feed, feed, feed. I didn’t get to sleep until 2:00 in the morning and it all went downhill from there.

At 4:00am, Gerald woke up and said, “I thought I heard one of the dogs throwing up.”

“I didn’t hear anything.”

“Oh, well I really thought I heard it.”

“What smells like poop? Did you poop in the bed? Did I?”

“I don’t smell anything.”

“Seriously. It smells AWFUL in here.”

Gerald walks off and I roll out of bed. In the dark, I can see the spots on the floor. “Gerald! It’s not puke!!!” Under the harsh glare of the light, we see that it is, indeed, puke. AND poop! More specifically, diarrhea! At 4:00 in the morning!

So, we spent an hour cleaning and gagging and cursing. Gerald ended up having to run the carpet cleaner to get all the stains up. This, of course, woke up Maddie. As soon as Gerald walked out the door for work, Maddie started crying. Once I got her all settled down, I tried to go back to bed. IMPOSSIBLE. The smell of phantom poop and the dogs barking at every little noise kept me awake until 7:00am. Maddie got up for the day at 7:30.

I let the dogs in, foolishly thinking that three and a half hours in the backyard had allowed whomever to clear out their digestive system. Five minutes after they came in, Sam was barfing on the kitchen floor. Immediately afterward, Maddie had a blowout diaper and I had to scrub dried snot off of her face and out of her hair and wash her sheet and blankie. By this point, I was in tears.

The saving grace is that she’s in a great mood, despite the over abundance of snot and the hacky cough. I have to go to the store because we’re out of Febreeze and baby Tylenol and it would really suck if she was in a crappy mood. I’m the only one allowed to be in a crappy mood today. Got it?!

Choices

Thank you all for your comments on the loss of my motivation. I had a spectacularly awful day full of self-pity on Monday. There was weeping and “woe is me”ing and general patheticness. I even had a hard time controlling myself at my WW meeting. I was watching a woman get a little award for losing her 10% and I was a firey mix of self-righteous indignation (Oh, easy for her to do! Her 10% is probably 15lbs! Mine is SO MUCH MORE!”) and paranoia (I will NEVER get my 10% and every person in here knows that. I bet they all talk about me and how fat I am!”).

Luckily, I seem to have slept it off. I stuck to my points budget Monday and today and there is no thought of cheating. I’ve decided to take Skippy’s advice (to be fair, it was my husband’s advice first and I just refused to listen) and designate a “cheat” day. I’ve decided that a whole day is too much for a binge-prone person like myself, so I’ve specified that I shall be able to eat one whole meal and one snack/dessert that I want every Saturday. Amen. Pass the collection plate. I think that if I know that I’m able to have something on Saturdays, it will lessen my need to binge. And, I may be able to wait out cravings. I wanted a candy bar on Wednesday, but do I still want it on Saturday? Hopefully, the answer will be “no.” *snort* Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.

Anyhow, this is fantastic timing since Gerald and I will be out on an all day, grown-ups only adventure on Saturday. My dad and his wife are watching Maddie and we’re driving north to Oklahoma and the CASINOS! There will be GAMBLING! And drinking! And losing all our money! And hiding the atm card! I’m so excited! We haven’t been anywhere alone in a long, long, time. The only times we’ve been out since Maddie was born was for dinner and a movie. Three hours, tops. This will be for the whole day. Or, until we’re broke. Which will be approximately 14 minutes after we get there.

Meanwhile, the baby has stopped screaming as a form of communication. Thank you, mighty and fearsome gods of fate. However, we are now experiencing nighttime separation anxiety. She wakes up at least once before we go to bed just crying her little head off. I rush in there expecting there to be a giant monster or her arm stuck in the crib slats. So far, there is just her sitting in the middle of her crib and crying. She doesn’t do this a nap time. Just at night. I told Gerald it’s like she’s having nightmares. It’s terrible for me, and I can’t imagine how bad it must be for her. But, if I’ve learned one thing about this parenthood shit, it’s that everything passes. No matter how awful the phase, it will end. And it will most likely be replaced by something worse.

I try no to think about that last part too often.

Spinach Manicotti

I made this WW recipe on Sunday night and Gerald raved over it. He never raves about my cooking. Try it for yourself : )

I made six shells and had plenty of cheese mixture left over; enough for another batch. I just popped it in the freezer and will use it next time. I also used a whole box of frozen spinach and it was too much for me. Gerald said it was tasty, but I thought the spinach overwhelmed the cheesy taste of the manicotti. So, use less if you want a more traditional tasting manicotti. Also, you may think a serving size of one manicotti is ridiculous, as did I. However, I had a salad before dinner and one manicotti was perfect. Even Gerald only ate two. They’re really filling. Ok, enough with the notes… let’s get to the recipe already!

POINTS® Value: 5
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 7 min
Cooking Time: 30 min
Level of Difficulty: Moderate (I’d change this to SUPER EASY if it were my recipe.)

Ingredients:

• 8 dry manicotti shells
• 1 1/2 cup part-skim ricotta cheese
• 1 cup part-skim mozzarella cheese, shredded (4 ounces)
• 1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• 1/4 tsp table salt
• 1/4 tsp black pepper
• 1 tsp Italian seasoning, dried
• 10 oz chopped frozen spinach, thawed, drained and squeezed dry
• 1 large egg(s), lightly beaten
• 1 large egg white(s)
• 1 sprays olive oil cooking spray
• 1 1/2 cup bottled reduced-fat pasta sauce, roasted garlic flavor

Instructions:

• Preheat oven to 350°F.
• Cook pasta according to package directions, omitting salt and fat. Drain and rinse.
• Combine ricotta cheese and next eight ingredients in a medium bowl, stirring well. Spoon mixture evenly into pasta shells. Place shells in an 11 x 7-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. Spoon pasta sauce evenly over shells. Cover and bake at 350°F for 20 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Serve warm. Yield: 8 servings (serving size: 1 shell and about 1⁄2 cup sauce).

Lost: Motivation

This week, I lost my motivation. I reverted to old, unhealthy eating habits because they were easier. I got tired of planning and tired of thinking about food all the time. I forgot why I was doing it all.

One of the things WW teaches is to use positive visualization. Picture yourself thinner and more energetic…. that sort of thing. The problem for me is that I’ve been fat for so long, I don’t know what skinny looks like or feels like for me. It’s really hard to visualize something you’ve only ever seen from afar. I get so discouraged sometimes with the amount of weight I have to lose. It seems like such an insurmountable goal. I have to keep reminding myself that this isn’t a race. I’ve been fat for 16 years and it’s not going to melt off in a matter of months. I’m in this for the long haul and I’m not going to stop eating well once I reach my goal weight. So why am I thinking in terms of a temporary situation? This is for LIFE.

I also have a tendency to beat myself up for bad days. I get depressed and upset and then eat more. I need to learn that one bad choice does not need to mean a bad day or that I’m a bad person.

So, *brisk hand clap* this is a new day and a new week. I’m ready to get back on track and keep losing. I’m going to go to my meeting tonight and get fresh motivation.

**Update – I gained .6 lbs this week. My motivation is back and I’m ready to see a lower number next week.

High Brow Entertainment

Here’s a video that Gerald’s best friend made*. It’s funny even if you don’t know WoW. Show all your geek friends.**

* As in wrote it, played the music and sang it. Dude’s got talent.
** Like your husbands.

Knock on Wood. Also, We Are Crazy.

 Have you noticed that we parents tend to be a superstitious lot? I find that I’m constantly trying to avoiding jinxing a good thing. Maddie’s napped well one day? She’s slept through the night so many nights in a row that I can’t even count them? She’s a genuinely good baby? She’s at ease around strangers and in new places? She’s a good eater? These are things I cannot say out loud. Hell, I’m afraid to even think them.

I know I’m not the only parent who feels this way. I know this because I read your blogs. Duh. The question is, why do we feel this way? Do we honestly believe that calling attention to a good thing will automatically ruin it? Are the fates blind but always listening for bragging or pride? Will they smite us in an angry storm of tantrums and sleep troubles? Am I going to ever test them? Hell no.

And now for the craziness. Gerald and I are considering adding on to our house. We had it built back in 2004 and we outgrew it FAST. We bought a smaller home because we wanted a 15 year mortgage. We now have somewhere between $15 and $20k in equity, but no room to spit. Not that we spit. At least, not in the house. Because there’s no room, for one thing.

We’ve talked about moving to Capital City to be closer to his family, but it doesn’t seem like the right time for a big move. We’ve also talked about moving closer to the Big City where Gerald works to cut down some of his 45 minute commute and our gas bill. But, what if an opportunity to move to Capital City comes up and we’ve just moved into a new house?? What if we can’t sell our current house in this shitty market? More importantly, how to I keep a house in showing condition with two very large dogs and a soon-to-be toddler? Do you know how much vacuuming that would take???

So, today I started thinking about an addition onto our current place. Nothing too fancy, just basically pushing the back wall of the house out about 23 feet. We’re thinking of adding another bedroom, a family room and adding onto our bedroom. Maybe upgrading our bathroom to a swanky bathroom with a big stand-up shower with a seat in it. And one of those giant tubs that you can soak in forever. With wine. And candles. I think I’m stuck in a Kohler commercial.

Have any of you done this? The addition thing? Is it hell? Ok, I know it will be hell. But is it worth it?

P. S. I lost two pounds this last week. That’s a total of 11 for the first month of WW. Woot!

Weak as a kitten

Maddie and I had lunch with my dad today at Applebee’s. Cuz, you know, they have that WW menu and it makes it easier for me. I don’t have to scour the internets to find the points value on various food items at various restaurants. So, Applebee’s = easy. Unfortunately, it also = crappy. I didn’t like anything on the WW menu. I ordered the Confetti Chicken because I thought I might hate it less than the other choices. It was crap. Ok, maybe it wasn’t crap. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt and blame it on the fact that I’m so picky. Before lunch, I was STARVING, so I was really disappointed when I didn’t like it. I left the restaurant still hungry. And where did I go? Starbucks. With the full intention of getting a tall, non-fat, Pumpkin Spice latte. When I got to the drive-thru speaker thingy, the Starbucks girl was all, “Can I get a Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino started for you today?” And I was all, “YES!” My willpower, it is weak. And today is my WW weigh in. I’m prepared for a sad face next to today’s weight. *sigh*

I sold a bunch of Maddie’s newborn clothes on eBay over the weekend. I took the package to the post office today only to discover that I underestimated the shipping price AGAIN. Like I ALWAYS do. I ended up having to pay $6 more than the buyer did for shipping. When will I learn to weigh the items first? WHEN??

The jumperoo is not a hit. Well, not a spectacular hit. The baby will play in it, but only for five minutes and only if I’m right there. I’m not sure if it’s the jumperoo in particular, or her new-found clingy-ness. My daughter, she is a static-y sock stuck to the inside of my pant’s leg. She wants to be held ALL THE DAMN TIME, and when she’s in my arms, she wants to GET DOWN AND PLAY, ALREADY. I’m thinking about asking for a transfer out-of-state.

We’re going to our first birthday party as a mother/daughter pair this weekend. It’s for one of my best friend’s daughters. She’s turning five whole years old. The invitation came addressed to Maddie and everything. I got all weepy when I saw it. “She’s popular! She’s got friends!” Her mother is retarded!