All Dressed Up

I was talking to my friend, Melanie, at work yesterday about children. She has two very adorable little boys that she loves to talk about. I have Maddie, and as you all know, I love to talk about her, too.

We started off with me telling her about the momentous rolling over. I told her I couldn’t believe how excited I was by, let’s face it, a very mundane thing in the scheme of life. She totally understood. She said that when her sons reached those little milestones, she taped them doing it over and over until they got tired of it and got fussy. She said she wonders what it’ll be like for them to watch the tapes later on. “Gee mom, thanks for making me cry like that.”

This topic lead to how, when you have your very own child, the love you feel is indescribable. How this, in turn, makes every little thing your child does seem like God Himself is smiling down on you. All of the things I thought I’d hate about motherhood aren’t really so bad. I love Maddie so much that a little poop, a little puke or a lot of drool doesn’t even faze me. I’m sure that’s bound to change as she gets older… but for now, I’m so utterly smitten that it’s fine if she pees on me.

Back when I didn’t think I wanted children, I used to tell people it was because I really didn’t like kids all that much. They’re loud, messy and high maintenance. I was selfish with my time, too. I love sleeping in and doing nothing on the weekends. I also didn’t want to share Gerald with anyone else, either. People with kids tried to tell me that it was different with your own child. That it’d be worth giving up sleeping in and disposable income. I never believed one word of it. Ever.

Now? Now, I understand. I love Maddie with a fanatical devotion. I would do anything for her. And this isn’t that type of “anything” that means “anything that’s not too difficult, time consuming or expensive.” This is ANYTHING. I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love another living thing. When I fell in love with Gerald, I thought that was the pinnacle of love. I just knew I’d never love anyone as much as I love him.

Wrong. The love I feel for Maddie eclipses it all. Of course, it’s a COMPLETELY different type of love and really not even comparable. I don’t love Maddie more than I love Gerald. That’s not the case at all. It’s just… different. Maddie fills a hole in my heart that I never knew existed. I would be diminished if I didn’t have her. I’m telling you, it’s crazy. I often wonder if other moms feel this way or if I love my daughter waaaay more than is normal.

Is it normal that I can’t wait for 4:00 on work days so that I can rush out to the car and see her? Is it normal that I crave her smile and laugh? Do other moms go in at night just to touch their babies? Not to make sure she’s ok, but just because you miss her that much? Do other moms kiss their kids more times than they can count on any given day? Or am I disturbed? Is it possible to love your child too much?

Filed under: uncategorized on May 16th, 2007