Battle of wills
It’s been a week since Maddie started her sleep strike. Yesterday, it looked like we might be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. She took naps and went down for the night with a smaller fuss than usual. I was actually stupid enough to be optimistic about it stopping.
I’m such a dumb ass.
Today is worse than ever. She started first thing this morning. She woke up too early and refuses to go back to sleep. She has to stop her crying to yawn, but she’s determined to stay awake. She’s now in her crib screaming her fool head off. I feel like I’m being held hostage by her. She determines what I can do during the day and when I can finally go to bed at night. What am I going to do next week when I have to be up at 5am and she won’t settle down until after 11pm?
I know there’s nothing wrong with her. She’s fed, diapered and burped. She wants to be held. I can’t do it. I refuse to set bad habits with her now. She can’t be dependent on falling asleep on me. What happens in the middle of the night when she wakes up? I won’t be there to hold her and she’ll start crying for me. This isn’t a good sleep habit. Gerald and I worked so hard to start good sleep habits from the minute she came home from the hospital. She has never gone to sleep with a pacifier and she’s been in her own bed in her own room since she was two weeks old. She’s also almost always been put to bed when she’s still awake so she knows how to fall asleep on her own. It’s so unfair that we’ve worked to prevent this and it’s happening anyway!
I’ve read about letting her cry for a few minutes and then going back in to soothe her without picking her up. I’ve tried this for a week, but she wins every single time. She cries for two or three hours which takes us to the next feeding. I won’t let her be hungry, so I pick her up and feed her. She’s usually so exhausted that she goes right to sleep after that. How am I ever going to teach her that she can go to sleep without being held when this happens?
I told Gerald that I know it’s not his fault, but I feel so utterly alone in this fight. I have to deal with her all day by myself and then again every night because he’s got to get up for work. I feel almost like a single parent with no support. Yes, Gerald feels bad and wishes he could help, but he can’t. I’m on my own with this one and it sucks.
Filed under: uncategorized on March 14th, 2007
I’m never entirely on board for the “father has to get up for work” argument. The mothers have to get up for our work, too, and we’re more tired to begin with. Also, I’d say our work is more important: if we’re so tired we make a mistake, there’s much more at stake than if the father is a little bleary over his paperwork. I guess I’d cut a dad a break if he worked in a dangerous-equipment field–but not office work. Nevertheless, do I let my own particular non-dangerous-equipment-field husband cop out on night duty? Why yes I do! But in principle, I’m opposed to my behavior!
Sorry she’s giving you such a hard time at night. I think sleep issues are one of the most crazy-making problems of parenting.
I agree with Swistle about the daddy thing. You have to get up early with Maddie, so what’s the difference?
Everyone has their own opinions on this. I couldn’t have LIVED without the pacifier. I only used it for about a year, but my kids did great with it and both of my children started sleeping through the night when they were about 6 weeks old.
Good for you, sticking to your guns. It’s hard right now, but it WILL get better…it always does.
HUGS!
grace
I feel your pain. Addy has just started this whole randomly-screaming-for-hours thing at bedtime, and it’s kind of rough because for the past 17 months she has generally been a good sleeper.
I will tell you, though, when she was having a little trouble sleeping back around six months, we made the mistake of letting her take bottles of milk to bed with her. Now, a year later, she is nearly incapable of sleeping without a bottle unless she is delirious with exhaustion. And I am incapable of breaking this bad habit. Our pediatrician scolds me every time about it. On the other hand, though, what’s the worst that could happen? Her baby teeth get cavities? They’re baby teeth. They’re comin’ out anyways! And it sure does help the bedtime routine go smoothly. Well, until three days ago it did, anyways.
Just wanted to tell DW not to worry about the bottle at bedtime. My 16 year old did that until she was about 2. She has only had 2 cavities since.
The way I broke the habit, we went visiting family and the bottle got left in the car. I was too lazy to go look for it, so I just told her we forgot it at home. BELIEVE it or not…it worked??? I don’t hardly believe that myself, but it did. When we got home she wanted to give her bottle to her baby cousin!
HUGS!
grace
I’m so sorry, but this can’t last forever. I hope sleeping beauty sleeps soon!
Huggs
Theresa