Solitary
I’m five weeks into my sentence and it’s starting to affect me psychologically. I feel isolated from the whole rest of the world. I chat with Gerald most of the day and my friends are really good about emailing and calling, but it doesn’t seem like that’s enough. I feel like I exist in a little bubble. Even when Gerald’s home, I’m usually in the bedroom and he’s in the living room. I feel so all alone all the time. I don’t know how much longer I can do this without cracking. The thought of six to ten more weeks of this makes me sick to my stomach.
The upcoming holidays are making it worse. We can’t travel anywhere, so Gerald and I will be having Thanksgiving by ourselves. And Christmas? Same story. No family, no presents, no tree (two very large dogs, remember?) no nothing. It’s like my whole life is on hold until the baby gets here…. and to be perfectly honest, I resent it. I’m not to the point where I wish I’d never gotten pregnant, but I can see it in the distance. It’s not like she’s here and I can say, “Yeah, it was worth every minute.” Right now, it’s all bad and no good to balance it out.
I thought I’d feel better if I wrote this and got it all out. But I don’t. I feel worse.
Filed under: uncategorized on November 16th, 2006
I’m sorry about the cabin fever. Your holidays next year and after will be completely different. You get one year of the two of your together. Just the two of you.
The rest will be a different sort. It will be about her. And although that will be a different joy and another set of circumstances, you get once last set of holidays…in quiet. It is not forever.
Or maybe, you need an Atari or old Nintendo. Not a new one, because those are too expensive and not worth it. Old 8-bit graphics where you can still see the blocks that makes up that “realistic” person. That would kill a day or two.
Ok…I’m so not helping.
Crypto,
I’ve tried many times to talk her in to gaming. Good luck with that ; )
G
I’m so sorry you’re having cabin fever. This is the absolute worst thing about having bed rest.
I know things don’t seem so rosy right now, but it DOES get better. Time does go by. And this baby is coming no matter how you feel about it.
So, I can’t cheer you up. But I can remind you of how far you’ve come. Remember when you were suppose to take that pregnancy test and you were going to do it on May 6th. (I remember this because that is my birthday.) I remember that the test was negative. Remember that? Remember how bad you felt? Remember how you felt so hopeless?
Now, here you are, almost ready to have a baby. A sweet baby girl. Soon, you will be watching this little girl grow to a woman, and you will think…where did the time go? When that happens, this time in your life will be nothing but a warm fuzzy memory.
Trust me. I was where you are right now…16 years ago.
Extra BIG HUGS!
Grace
P.S. The gaming idea isn’t such a bad one…ever played the SIMS2? They can take up most of the day and they are very addictive. You should try them. Great time wasters.